Emotional Intelligence | Main page on emotionally abusive mothers
I don't have much time now, but I want to post these responsses to my emotionally abusive mother test. Below the responses are some poetry and emails from the same girl.
S. Hein
Sept 2, 2008
----
heres the results to the test
do u think she's a bad mom?
--
Does your mother tend to be unforgiving? Does she say things like
"I will never be able to forgive you for that." or
"If you do so and so I would never be able to forgive
you."
Yeah sometimes like she's told me if I did drugs she'd never
forgive me
Does she make unforgiving comments about other people by saying
things like "What he did was unforgivable."
Yeah
Is it hard or impossible for your mother to admit mistakes?,
Totally she's never apologized to me
Does your mother always have to have the last word?
Yeah but I don't let her sometimes and then feel guilty
Is it important for her that she always appears to be right and
to win all the arguments?
Yeah definitely
Does your mother make you feel responsible for her feelings (for
her happiness or unhappiness or hurt or disappointments)?
Probably not intentionally
Does your mother tell you she is disappointed in you?
All the time
Does your mother ever tell you that you don't deserve things? For
example, "You don't deserve all the things your father and I
do for you."
Yeah
Does she try to get you to question your own intelligence by
saying things like "You think you are so smart. But you
are not." or "You are not smart as you like to think
you are." Or "If you are so smart, how can you do
something so
stupid.?" or "Why didn't you think of that?"
Yeah when she thinks I've done something stupid
Does your mother say things like "You could do better"
in a disapproving way?
Lots
When you say something which is too close to the truth or when
you point out how she is acting hypocriticaly does she feel
threatened and say things like: "Don't get smart with
me" or "That's absurd" or "You have no idea
what you are talking about" or "What gives you the
right to say that?" or "How dare you say that?"
Yeah
Does your mother threaten you with statements like "If you
ever do that again..." or "The next time I catch
you..." Or "This is the last time..."
It's one of her favorite phrases
Does your mother punish you with grounding, taking away the
phone, tv, computer etc.?
Grounding a lot
Does your mother threaten you with total rejection by saying
things like: "Get out of the house and never come
back." or "I don't want to ever talk to you
again." or "If you leave, don't plan on coming
back."
Not a lot though she once stopped the car and told me to get lost
because she didn't want to look at her cow of a daughter
Has she ever locked you out of the house?
A couple times
Does she make you believe you are a bad daughter or son by saying
things like "What did I do to deserve you?" or
"All the other parents have children who listen to them and
respect them, but I got stuck with you." or "Why can't
you be like so and so? She never talks back to her mother."
or "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"
She compares me a lot
Do you ever feel hated by her?
Yeah
Does your mother tell you what you "should" do a lot?
Yeah and she judges me
Has your mother ever hit you on the arms, back, shoulders or
head?
No but she's threatened to 'spank my 12-year-old fat ass' which I
think is sexual abuse
Has she ever pulled you by the hair?
No
Has she ever try to physically stop you from getting out of the
house?
Yeah
Has she ever pulled the phone line out when you were talking on
it? (Or taken it out of your hands and hung up?)
I don't talk on the phone much
Has she ever disconnected the computer while you were on it?
Lots
Has your mother ever slapped you in the face?
No
Has she slapped you in the past 6 months?
No
26. Has she slapped you in the past 30 days?
No
Does she say things like "Oh great. This is all I need"
or "This is just what I need right now" in a sarcastic
way?
A lot
Does she say things like "I can't believe you would do
something like that!" or 'I can't believe you would think
that!" or "How could you say a thing like that?"
Totally
Do you find yourself apologizing a lot to your mother?
For everything
Does your mother make exaggerated threats like "If you don't
do so and so, you are going to be grounded for the rest of your
life."
It's probably tattooed on her tongue
Does she make vague threats like "Either do it or else"
or "There is going to be big trouble around here..."
She tries but they don't make me do anything
Has she ever said "I didn't ask you what you wanted!"
Yeah she signed me up for debate camp without even telling me
Does she ever say things like, "When you are living in my
house you will follow my rules."
It pisses me off
Does she ever say "Don't you dare...."
It's a favorite
Does she say things like "Don't talk to me like that."
or "That is no way you talk to your mother!" or
"Don't ever let me hear you say that again."
Yeah
Does she say things like "Don't be so disrespectful."
All the time
Does she say things like "Don't be so rude."
Yeah and she never asks why I'm rude
Does she say things like "Don't be so selfish."
Mostly when I want something like clothes
Does she say things like "Don't be so inconsiderate."
She says “You are so inconsiderate!” more than “I
love you.”
When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because it isn't normal." or "Because it is not
the done thing." Or "Because you just don't do
that." or "Because it is sick." or "Because
it is strange"
She has said I'm a freak
When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because it is wrong." or "Because it is a
sin."
Yeah and she doesn't give me answers to questions
When you ask her for explanations does she say things like:
"Because I said so." or "Because I know more than
you." or "When you are older you will understand."
She treats me like a baby
Does she say things like, "I don't want to hear anymore
about it."
Yeah
Does she say things like, "Don't get fresh with me young
lady!"
It's the main phrase of her vocabulary
Does your mother get hurt easily?
I have no clue but from the way she acts I'd say hell yeah
Does your mother get defensive easily?
More than she is happy
Do you ever say things like "My mother would kill me
if..."
My friends must be sick of hearing it by now
Do you ever tell yourself or others that you can't do things
because it would hurt your mother too much?
No I try not to let my life revolve around her
Does she say things like: "You can keep your comments to
yourself" or "I don't want to hear any of your
excuses." or "Save it. I am not interested." or
"I don't remembering asking for your opinion." or
"I don't need your smart mouth." or "I don't need
any back talk from you." or "Who asked you?" or
"Did I ask you what you wanted?"
More than “I'm so proud of you!”
Does she say things like, "Don't walk away from me when I am
talking to you."?
Like a broken CD
Does she say things like, "Look at me when I am talking to
you."
Yeah
Does your mother interrupt you when you are talking?
And then she gets mad at me when I interrupt her
If someone asks you a question, does your mother sometimes answer
it before you have a chance to?
Like I'm not there
If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you, do
you sometimes look over to her before you answer it?
I try not to but don't always succeed
If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you, are
you sometimes afraid to give the true answer?
It's a constant
Would you lie about being hurt or abused by someone, such as a
father or step-father, to avoid hurting your mother or to keep
the family together?
Yeah
DSSTL "Well, I told you that was a bad idea, didn't I?"
or "I warned you that would happen, but you didn't listen,
did you?"
All the time
Does she ask questions that include the answer, such as
"That wasn't very polite of you, was it?" or "You
left the milk out again, didn't you?"
Yeah it seriously annoys me
DSSTL "Who do you think you are talking to me like
that?"
Yeah and I usually reply that I'm a person too
DSSTL "I am the one who is supposed to be asking the
questions."
Yeah
DSSSTL "You look like a tramp." or "You look like
a slut."
Not yet but she will in the future
Does she try to control what you wear by saying things like
"You're not going out dressed like that I hope." or
"Don't wear those shoes with that outfit. They don't
match." or "Why don't you wear your red dress to the
party?"
Yeah she won't let me have heels
Does she buy you things you don't really want and then feel hurt
if you try to tell her they are not what you wanted?
Yeah and I try to be nice about it
Does she tell you how to do your hair?
She gave up on it when she noticed I didn't care what she thought
Does she start brushing your hair or changing it without asking
you in a way that you would prefer she didn't?
She gave up on that
Does she argue with you about your clothes or hair?
It's a favorite topic of hers; how terrible I look in black
Do you often feel interrogated with a lot of questions like
"Why is this towel here?" "Why are your shoes in
the middle of the floor?" "Why did you take that glass
instead of a smaller one?" "Why can't you go to her
house later?"
All the time
Does she want to know who you are talking to on the telephone or
chatting with on the Internet?
I don't do either much but she would if I did
Does she pry in to your private life?
She tries
Has she ever read your diary without your permission?
I don't keep a diary for that reason
Does she come into your room without knocking or waiting for you
to answer?
It pisses me off no end
Does she taunt you by saying things like: "If I am such a
bad mother why don't you just go live somewhere else."
Not that example but yeah
Does she intimidate you with statements like, "You are going
to kill your father if you keep that up." or "You are
going to break my heart if you do so and so." or "You
are going to be the death of me."
The last one she loves
Does she imply that you are a bad influence on younger brothers
or sisters?
Not with words, only with looks
Does she just expect you to do things around the house without
thanking you?
Yeah and I refuse a lot
Does she say things like "What did I just tell you?" or
"Were you listening to anything I just said?" "How
many times do I have to tell you?"
Lots
Does she ask you questions about herself which are designed to
make you feel guitly such as "Why do you hate me?"
"Why do you think I am such a horrible mother?"
The first is tattooed on her brain
Does your mother often give you the "silent treatement"
to show her disapproval, as a form of control, or to induce
guilty feelings?
She can't keep it up for long
Does your mother want you to act happy even when you are not?
Yeah I don't
Does your mother lie to you or to others?
Yeah
Does your mother deny things which you know for a fact are true?
Yeah even important stuff
Does your mother take things personally when they were not meant
to be about her?
Yeah it's really annoying
DSSTL "I know you better than you know yourself"?
Not yet
Does she often begin sentences with, "I need you
to..."?
Yeah for little stuff especially
Does she often begin sentences with, "You need to..."?
Lots
Does she often begin sentences with, "You have to..."?
Yup
Does she say things like "Don't be so paranoid?"
Yeah and she's even more paranoid
DSSTL "You are too sensitive."?
She gave up when I stopped taking that to heart
DSSTL "Don't be so dramatic."?
I'm apparently an Oscar-actor
DSSTL, "Don't think so much."
She tries
DSSTL, "Why don't you ever smile?"
I put on fake smiles so she doesn't
DSSTL "Smile," "Cheer up."?
Not anymore
DSSTL, "Go to your room until you can pull yourself
together?"
All the time
DSSTL, "Go to your room until I tell you to come out?"
Lots
DSSTL "With everything I do for you, the least you can do
is..."?
Yeah and it annoys me cause she doesn't do a lot for me
DSSTL "What's the problem? Why are you crying?"
Yeah and she never realizes that I cry a lot because of her
DSSTL "What's wrong with you?" ... in a judgmental or
disapproving tone?
And the award of “Most Judgemental Mother goes to.....”
DSSTL "You are a disgrace to the family"?
Tried but I replied: “Damn straight!”
DSSTL "If you want to be treated like an adult, you will
have to act like one"?
Yeah and I act like an adult according to my other relatives!
101. Has your mother ever thrown things at you?
Not to my knowledge
102. Does she tell you not to tell people about problems in the
family?
She pretends they don't exist
103. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone
something about the family?
I never told anyone though she would
104. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone you are
depressed?
I never did
105. Has she ever told you to stop crying?
Especially when she's the one making me cry
106. Does she often tell you to stop complaining?
She gave up on that when I complained louder
107. Does she often complain about how your room looks?
It's her pet peeve but it's MY space
108. Are there a lot of things you are afraid to tell her?
Not afraid, I just would rather kill myself than do so
109. Does your mother frequently remind you how old you are?
All the time
109. Does she tell you that you can't do a lot of things you want
to do because you are too young or too immature?
Yeah
110. Does she blame you for not being able to do the things she
wanted to with her life?
And for not being very happy
111. Does she blame you for things which were not your fault,
such as "You are the reason your father left." or
"You are the reason your father started drinking
again."
Not those examples but yeah
112. Have you ever seen your mother drunk?
No but one time she drank though I wanted her not to cause we
were driving home and dad had a beer
113. Have you seen your mother drunk in the last 2 weeks?
No
She cannot cry
Cannot sob, cannot weep
Cannot scream, cannot wail
For if she even lets out a sigh
Will she ever stop?
Will nothing help? Will everything fail?
Will it ever end?
Will the tears soothe or will they chop?
Will they slice her soul or heal her heart?
Will they tear or will they mend?
Should she cling on for dear life?
Should she stay apart?
No matter how she tries
She will always endure the strife
No matter how much she needs just to sigh
She will always hide under a bed of lies
For her smiles are never real
And her voice is always a cry
Her soul never stops spewing bile
The numb is so bad that she can no longer feel
Nothing can make her cry
But nought, not even the rain, can make her smile
=========
One nation under oppression
One nation under hate
One nation under depression
One nation under fate
One nation under fear
One nation under wealth
One nation under a sneer
One nation without health
One nation killing all
One nation burning books
One nation set to fall
One nation obsessed with looks
One nation screaming with rage
One nation under attack
One nation birthing underage
One nation's parents teaching with a smack
One nation fighting a war
One nation dying abroad
One nation always sore
One nation under God
****************************************
I walk down this street
Soaking and shivering in the sleet
Hands in my pocket, lips turning blue
Face crumples and eyes water the second I see you
Hoping just maybe you'll see
The pain I clutch onto and never set free
But no matter how long and hard I stare
You just walk away; you'll never be there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
I guess I'm meant to suffer
My life is supposed to be rougher
It's the way things are
Just not a shooting star
Still I wonder as I gaze at the crowd
If I ever will exist to be proud
It's impossible; it's not meant to be
But sometimes I just want smiles for me
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Cut cut cut
Bleed and bleed, you little slut
Slash slash slash
Listen to the crimson splash
Bang bang bang
The door locks with a clang
Slide slide slide
The scarlet has finally dried
Sleep sleep sleep
Sink in the puddle deep
Die die die
Finally end the endless lie
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
Nobody knows
Nobody cares
Nobody sees
Nobody stares
Nobody can tell
Nobody helps
Nobody listens
Nobody's there
I think I have an emotionally abusive mother. She's never hit me
or anything else like that but she yells at me for stuff I'm not
responsible for (but feel like I am because of her) and complains
to me about my dad and sister and brother though I've asked her
not to and she once said I have 'a fat 12-year-old ass' and 'you
are such a horrible snobby bitch, I can't believe you're my
daughter' in a Cathedral we were visiting 'cause she thought I
wasn't enjoying it- though I was 'till she said that to me- and
has said I'm an 'argumentative bitch' and says I always start
fights though I mostly only state my opinion or ask questions or
feel tense 'cause she super super nice to me a lot but I'm always
waiting for her to blow up and scream at me and I feel guilty for
making her yell at me or feel bad or for not stopping her from
treating my sister- she's 15- or my little brother- nearly 3- the
same way and I cut myself and burn myself and she threatened to
send me to a looney bin if I didn't stop and she thinks I've
stopped but I haven't. I also comfort-eat
=============
I worry so much and I want to tell you so please answer ASAP it
makes me feel like you're dead when you don't the worries are not
in priority:
1. My mom alternates between abusing me and loving me
2. I want to starve myself but don't have the willpower
3. I think I'm fat and ugly
4. I can't stop eating
5. My dad might be depressed
6. My sister is a perfectionist
7. My brother is 2 and can hardly speak
8. I think I'll never learn Japanese
9. I want to cut myself but cannot do it on my stomach (too
flabby) and cannot hide it anywhere else
10. My Grandma has cancer
11. I think I might have cancer
12. I think I'm a terrible person
13. I have chronic isomnia
14. I want to lose weight
15. I have no real friends whom I can confide in
16. I think no-one really loves me
17. I think you're going to not reply or tell me I'm a freak
18. I can't tell anybody about cutting
=================
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so incredibly selfish
and wasting your time with my pathetic problems. You must hate me
for being such a freak and I'm sorry I ever bothered you.
===
I'm sending you some posters of icons I've found- I think you
might like to use them.
===
If ur gonna put that stuff on ur website plz put my name as Darla
and reply 2 me first ok.
==============
=========
Thanx for replying sorry for probably making u more depressed is
there a way I can help?
===
*hugs back*
sorry for being so selfish. Is there a way i can make u feel
better? i luv camping too. especially in the Yorkshire Dales, its
really calm and the people are much more laidback than in most of
the rest of the country.
========
im seriously sorry to be selfish enough 2 bother u but i was
wondering if u could give an url where i could chat on ur group
ps i dont have msn my dad thinx its crap pps what do u think of
my poems u can put them on ur site if u want sorry for bothering
u im so selfish
==
Yeah, I love to. I love being around nature. It's so peaceful and
deep. I hope you have an amazing time and feel better.