Hein Painful Emotions Technique

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July 2014- My partner of 4 years has stopped talking to me...

About this site

This site is a place where you can find useful, practical and important information about emotions and life. It contains information about emotional intelligence, some tools and resources, and some new ideas.

The EQI.org site acknowledges the pain and problems in the world, but offers young and old a new direction. It offers encouragement and emotional support. It let's those who feel pain and frustration know they are not alone and are not crazy. A special focus of this site is to provide emotional support to young people who are depressed and are thinking of ending their lives. We believe this site speaks with the most realistic authority on teen depression and suicide. Our expertise comes from countless hours of first-hand communication with young people from many countries around the world.

Our site is helping create a vision of a world which is more livable for children and sensitive people.

EQI.org is also for parents, teachers, educators, psychologists, therapists, attorneys, social workers and school counselors. It is for anyone who wants practical knowledge and resources to help others develop their emotional intelligence and emotional skills. The founder of the site, Steve Hein, was born and raised in the USA but has been traveling around the world since 1997. He is now living in Uruguay. As of June 2014 his partner is in England for medical treatment because she apparenty has fibromyalgia. They have a dream of a small intentional community here in Uruguay based on EQI.org ideas. I also like visitors : )

Thank you for visiting.

Steve Hein




July 16 2014- My partner of 4 years has stopped talking to me. The last thing I knew she was in Portugal. I am in Uruguay. We lived here together then she went to the UK for medical reasons in Feb. On June 30 she told me she did not want to hear from me. I am in a lot of emotional pain from losing her support. And from many other things. Steve


july 12 i am in pain from so many things it is too hard for me to list them all. sofie's letter. gabriel. si a la vida. emberline. cianna. sr's comment:other than all the negative things, what do you do for fun? abandonment. loss. rejectio. feeling/being judged. feeling/being alone. feeling/being unimportant to people i wsnt to feel/be important to. not feeling/being valued now, while i am still alive. having no children. no or almost no support from "family"/relatives.painful emails saying things like "you sound like a child. how long are you going to mope?" feeling intimidated, judged/not valued by a lady in the uk who runs an online facebook group for unschoolers. feeling less important than minecraft. less valued than some guy named elliot something. thos are some of the things....not all. it has been 14 days/nights now without hearing from priscilla. my hosting department - my core files all missing. things that are happening in the USA-too many to list. too painful to start listing. things happening in the world. feeling powerless. unappreciated. almost invisible. more

july 8 9:22 am - i am in a lot of pain lately.

from a lot of dift things.


July 1 - I look around the room and see Prsicilla's things... I get a lump in my throat. The fire went out last night. No embers left to start it again. When the fire goes out, it is iust out. You can't bring it back. You could start a new one, but only with a match or something to light it. I don't have any more matches. I could go get some. For another person it would seem like such an easy thing to do. But I refuse to. I feel ... determined. I tried to tell people. I tried pretty hard I think. P knows how I tried to talk to my sisters for exmple. And how much empathy and understanding I got from them. P knows. She knows it all. Or she knows enough. But does she care. Can she care? Or is she in too much pain.
I never met anyone like her. And I dont feel ..."optimistic" that I will ever meet anyone else like her, even remotely like her, again.

I'm just tired of it all. Tired of being fake. Having fake "friends" - tired of controlling people. Tired of having to ask permission. I have to ask permission to tell the truth? That seems odd now that I think about it. And what if I ask for permission but I don't get it, yet at the same time I need to do what I don't have permission to do? Then what?
Not even P knows what I am talking about. Because she isn't talking to me. She doesn't want to hear from me.

Here is a website I was looking at last night


So yeah it's possible to be successful and then kill yourself.


She used to need me. She doesn't anymore. She said she loved me. I really don't know what that means. Ocean said Once I start loving someone I never reallhy stop. Ann said, I will always love you. Never forget that. -- I haven't but it seems she did.

How many times did P say she loved me? How many text messages did she send saying I love you...



I wrote about the last straw.... but sometimes there are a few straws that come all at the same time, or over a period of, say 3 or 4 days. And sometimes there is a brick or some rocks or a two ton truck that all come in the same period of time. If someone were taking the straw off of the camel's back, it would not break. But no one is traking the straw off. People just keep piling more stuff onto his back. So Chandler sent a hug. That is like taking a piece of straw off. Thanks C. I know you would take the two ton truck and the bricks and the rocks off too If you could. But I also know you can't. Not because you wouldn't like to, but for other, practical reasons that make it impossible. Anyhow the damage has already been done to the camel's back.


Why are people so insecure? So afraid? Actually I think I know. Or I have a good enough idea. But not many people are interested. They typically get defensive if I start to suggest the reasons. And probaby 98 percent of the time they either won't realize they feel defensive or they won't acknowledge it or they don't understand it or why they are feeling defensive.

I am pretty tired of insecure, defensive people. And they are tired of me. They attack me. Over and over. I just write. But they attack me. They want to hurt me. I want to help them but they don't want my help. I want to help "their" children, but they are really scared by my ideas and my "llifestyle" and my actions and my beliefs and basically everything about me.



Most Recent Items

May 11 - Update to Daniel Mackler page

May 7 - Punished for hugging in America

April 26 - Update to Highly Sensitive People - Added Priscilla's notes from Elaine Aron video 1 of 3.

April 16 - Highly Sensitive Pepole
April 14 -
Respecting a Child vs. Telling Them Not to Interrupt

April 13 - | It's not you. It''s who you are with | Radovan | Invalidation in Slovakian | Update to Emotional Support

April 6 - "I deserve to die." Update to the word "deserve"

Mar 7 Parker Palmer article about community with some of my notes and a section about our idea of an intentional community

Alfabetismo Emocional - Spanish Translation of Emotional Literacy

Feb 27 - Thinks too much

Feb 6 Re-reading Goleman's book - It is even worse than I ever realized... (under construction)

Jan 29 Audio journal on eqivideos channel

Link to eqi videos on youtube and new video about Marshall Rosenberg showing lack of empathy, compassion when he talks about love

Steph's page | Letter from reader

Jan 24 - Chandler's page

Jan 23 - Update to "about" section

Nov 14 - Update to Emotionally Abusive Mothers

Oct 22 - Update to Teens, Internet and Emotional Neglect | "Appropriate / Inappropriate"

Oct 20 - Moris Berman interview. Author of Why America Failed

Oct 18 -- What is a Community? | Updates to Daniel Mackler Page | "Al" - 16 years old

Update to P's page

What is an enlightened witness?

Update to Emotional Bank Account

Love, Hope, Alice Miler, Abusive Parents, Feelings, Needs




“You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.” A. Einstein










June 5 - My comment left on Josh Freedman's blog in response to this post (It will be interesting to see if he deletes it haha - right now it says -Your comment is awating moderation.... "moderation"? haha)
It seems like Josh has been reading my site finally haha. Seriously, it is encouraging to see that Josh and I agree on a few things. I would like to suggest to him to go a bit further and talk about the emotional needs associated with the *painful* (not "negative") feelings. I have outlined this briefly here... www.eqi.org/hpet

I would also suggest not using words like winging and wallowing - maybe not even "complaining" - those all seem to be judging words.

Now to be emotionally honest, I feel pain from how little I feel valued by Josh and those who write about emotional intelligence. I need to feel more valued in general, so I am trying to get that need filled elsewhere to reduce my pain, and the results are encouraging so fa. I also feel pain from some other things like what I believe is the overuse of exclamation points and words I guess my need is for emotional honesty and it is hard to believe people are really as excited and amazed as they try to act. Also, people use exclamation points that really can not even be exciting, for example when I get this message "Congratulations! You have successfully changed your password!" Is this really something to be congratulated for or excited about?


June 2 - We are sponsoring Angela to spend some time in Europe. The original plan was for her to spend some time first at Priscilla's house in England, then travel around a bit and meet Radovan in Slovakia and one of her online friends in Romania. But the UK immigration control people were afraid she wasn't planning on leaving England and they questioned her and Priscilla for about 8 hours. It was very traumatic and stressful for both of them. In the end they sent her back to Boston. So we are trying again to get her started on her travels, this time by flying to Ireland where we hope they will be more understanding. Whether she gets accepted there seems to all depend on whether they believe she has sufficient funds for her stay there and if they believe she will leave Ireland or Europe before her tourist visa expires. Her bank account is locked for some reason and she wasn't able to unlock it yesterday, so it has been impossible for her to show she has sufficient funds. I have added her to my own personal credit card and have sent her some funds through PayPal, but still I am worried. But in any case we will keep trying because I really want her to experience Europe as I did so many times. It really changed my life. I am tempted to go over there myself and travel with her for a while and see Priscilla, but for now I have lots to do in Uruguay. Hugs to Angela and P. ----- June 4 Update - Angela is now safe and relatively sound in Lisbon, Portugal

May 3 - Priscilla is in England for a few months seeing doctors. She may have fibromyalgia. She likes people to come visit her : ) You can contact her via her website. Btw here is a litle about our dream of a small intentional community here in Uruguay based on EQI.org ideas. I also like visitors : )

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