Part of one of our first chats (Dec 27, 2004)

steve dice:
so anyhow, how have you been feeling
just kelly dice:
i have been depriving myself from everybody
just kelly dice:
keeping myself locked in my room
steve dice:
thats probably just as well!
steve dice:
but how come
just kelly dice:
Because i have been so tired
just kelly dice:
i don't want people doing my head in
just kelly dice:
i asked my mam to buy my cd's today, i gave her the money for them
steve dice:
which cd's
just kelly dice:
Green day , the single
just kelly dice:
eminem-encore
just kelly dice:
maroon five-song about jane
just kelly dice:
NOW 59
just kelly dice:
Natasha Bedingfield-unwritten
just kelly dice:
anastacia
just kelly dice:
album
just kelly dice:
the streets-a grand don't come for free
just kelly dice:
thats it
steve dice:
ok
steve dice:
which is ur favorite
just kelly dice:
I like all of them, but my fav album i thik is eminem
just kelly dice:
and my favourite song is off anistacia, it's called left outside alone
just kelly dice:
it's words have such meaning
steve dice:
how do they go
just kelly dice:

All my life i've been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I don't feel safe

just kelly dice:

Left broken, empty in despair
wanna breathe can't find air
thought you were sent from up above
but you 'n me never had love
so much more i have to say
help me find a way

just kelly dice:

And i wonder if you know
how real it feels
to be left outside alone
when it's cold out here
well maybe you should know
just how it feels
to be left outside alone
to be left outside alone

I tell ya all of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray

just kelly dice:

Why-y do you play me like a game
always someone else to blame
careless helpless little man
some day i might understand
there's not much more to say
but i hope you find a way


just kelly dice:

Still i wonder if you know
how real it feels
to be left outside alone
when it's cold out here
well maybe you should know
just how it feels
to be left outside alone
to be left outside alone

I tell ya all of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray

(Heavenly father please save me)
save me
Oh

just kelly dice:

All of my life i been waiting
for you to bring a fairy tale my way
you're living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not ok I don't feel safe
I need to pray

just kelly dice:
Would you like me to send the song?

More from our chats

just kelly dice:
me mam
just kelly dice:
fukin doin me head in
steve dice:
like how
just kelly dice:
cause she wouldn't let me have a tab outside
steve dice:
a what?
just kelly dice:
ciggerette
just kelly dice:
tab
steve dice:
ah
just kelly dice:
i am going to scream
steve dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
my sister is trying to get into my room
just kelly dice:
BITCH
just kelly dice:
sorry
steve dice:
its ok

steve dice:
do u want someone to fall in love with u?
just kelly dice:
i don't know cause ppl who love me hurt me
steve dice:
yeah i understand

just kelly dice:
do u want to see my brother?
steve dice:
sure
just kelly dice:
u wouldn't think that he beat me up everyday would u?
steve dice:
yeah i would

just kelly dice:
me mam said i have to be off by 11
just kelly dice:
so i will go off, wait until she has gone to bed then come back on
steve dice:
its okay cuz i want to go do some stuff
steve dice:
and i am starving
just kelly dice:
she said she is going to listen for me and if i haven't turned it off she is going to unplug the internet
steve dice:
she sounds like a bitch for a mother
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
u got that one right

then i saw on the web cam it looked like she was yelling at someone...


steve dice:
u yelling at someone?
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
just getting me head done in
just kelly dice:
as usual
just kelly dice:
i hate my mother
steve dice:
getting yelled at u mean
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
i was sort of yelling back
just kelly dice:
but wot do u expect
steve dice:
could u try to write down the things she says
steve dice:
like what did she say that time exactly
just kelly dice:
she sais " you want to get that computer off in your room, i'm telling you"
just kelly dice:
"cause if you don't, i am going to pull the plug out"
steve dice:
k
just kelly dice:
i told her to fuck off cause she was doing my head in
just kelly dice:
then she tried to open the door
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
good for u
just kelly dice:
and said if i didn't open it she would kick the door down and bray me
steve dice:
bray?
just kelly dice:
in other words she would kick me to shit
steve dice:
when was the last time she actually hit u
just kelly dice:
when she kicked me out
just kelly dice:
about a week ago

just kelly dice:
i go to the centre
steve dice:
what is that
just kelly dice:
it's a place to go instead of school
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
i thought maybe something like a counseling place
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
but i am getting reffered somewhere for anger manegment
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
what about ur mom
steve dice:
is she getting referred anywhere for anger management and parent skills?
just kelly dice:
she is coming along with me for the family support
steve dice:
ah

family support? somehow I doubt Kelly feels supported by her mother. I wish these counselors would send the parents to classes instead of the teenagers. And I wish they had classes for future parents long before they damaged people like Kelly.

just kelly dice:
listen if the internet gets disconnected my mam has pulled it out ok
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
well lets say goodnight before she does
just kelly dice:
do we have to right away?
steve dice:
no, not right away
steve dice:
u look so sad kelly
steve dice:
i wish i could do something about it
just kelly dice:
sorry
steve dice:
its not ur fault
steve dice:
that is what is sadder
just kelly dice:
what is sadder?
steve dice:
i really want to take u away from there and let u enjoy life a bit
steve dice:
it is sadder the way ur family has treated u
steve dice:
and that is why u are sad
just kelly dice:
SSDD
steve dice:
whats that
just kelly dice:
same shit different day
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
where'd u go
just kelly dice:
i put the radio next to the door so mabey the computer might not sound as loud
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
smart
steve dice:
i feel really sad when i think about someone like having to be afraid of someone like ur mother
steve dice:
there are so many smart teenagers living in fear
just kelly dice:
i'm not afraid of her shes justa bitch
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
did u cry the other night
just kelly dice:
no
steve dice:
k
just kelly dice:
i can't
just kelly dice:
sorry

steve dice:
anyhow, in the UK there is a group of counselors called the samaritans
steve dice:
they are quite good i think
steve dice:
it is free
steve dice:
id like u to go check one out sometime
steve dice:
id feel better if u had someone there to talk to besides me
just kelly dice:
y?
steve dice:
cuz i beleive it helps to talk
steve dice:
and they might help u see that ur not a bad person
steve dice:
only ur family is fucked up
steve dice:
ur mom again?
steve dice:
at the door or something
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
but shes gone the radio worked
steve dice:
she likes to try to control u

steve dice:
tell me again what u want from me
steve dice:
if u could have anything u wanted
just kelly dice:
a friend
just kelly dice:
someone 2 talk to
just kelly dice:
someon 2 listen
just kelly dice:
someone 2 be there through difficult times
steve dice:
k

just kelly dice:
so can u stay a bit longer?
steve dice:
sure

steve dice:
tell me some of ur favorite things
just kelly dice:
books
steve dice:
what else
just kelly dice:
drugs
steve dice:
lol
just kelly dice:
alchohol
just kelly dice:
tabs
steve dice:
whats that
just kelly dice:
ciggerettes
steve dice:
oh yeah

steve dice:
ur mom again?
just kelly dice:
yes
steve dice:
whatd she say this time
just kelly dice:
fukin get 2 sleep slut
steve dice:
slut?
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
how can u be a slut when ur alone in ur room
steve dice:
and not having cyber sex
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
maybe she thinks thats what ur doing
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
she really attacks u a lot
steve dice:
attacks ur character
steve dice:
its got to be hard to take
steve dice:
im sorry u have had to live with that for 15, almost 16 years
steve dice:
do u think ur a slut?
just kelly dice:
i don't know
steve dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
thank you

just kelly dice:
can i turn the cam off 4 a while?
steve dice:
sure

just kelly ha dejado de ver imágenes de la cámara Web con usted.

just kelly dice:
sorry
steve dice:
its okay
just kelly dice:
how is it always ok when i say sorry?
steve dice:
cuz its okay. i dont hold it against u
steve dice:
u needed to turn off the camera, so i accepted that
steve dice:
so it was okay
steve dice:
see what i mean?
just kelly dice:
yea
just kelly dice:
i hate myself
just kelly dice:
sorry
steve dice:
yeah i can understand.
steve dice:
its cuz uve been treated so badly
just kelly dice:
wot would u do if i killed myself
steve dice:
feel really really really sad
steve dice:
i would also understand
just kelly dice:
but then u would just forget and move on?
steve dice:
no i dont think i would ever forget seeing u tonight
just kelly dice:
i'm sorry steve
steve dice:
r u thinking of doing it
steve dice:
kelly?
just kelly dice:
?
steve dice:
i feel scared
just kelly dice:
?
steve dice:
scared ure going to kill urself right now
steve dice:
and i will write kelly?
steve dice:
and u wont answer
just kelly dice:
sorry
steve dice:
its okay
steve dice:
does that bug u when i say that
just kelly dice:
?
steve dice:
when i say its okay
just kelly dice:
duno
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
steve dice:
why r u sorry
just kelly dice:
?
steve dice:
cuz when u say sorry steve i am scared u are implying that u are sorry u are going to kill urself and u know i will feel very sad
steve dice:
kelly do u trust me enough to tell me where u live exactly, so in case u do die i can tell pple why u killed urself
steve dice:
and that ur mother was a bitch and that is why u killed urself
just kelly dice:
i can' steve
steve dice:
cuz if u did kill urself i wouldnt even know where u lived to tell pple why u died
just kelly dice:
i can't take it
just kelly dice:
i don't want ppl 2 know
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
just kelly dice:
truely
steve dice:
please dont do it
steve dice:
thats about all i can say.
steve dice:
if u do, i will miss u a lot.
steve dice:
please type something
steve dice:
even if it is just dots
just kelly dice:
steve
steve dice:
thanks
just kelly dice:
cyring
steve dice:
hug
steve dice:
im glad ur crying
just kelly dice:
wrong
steve dice:
no its not
steve dice:
ur mom lied to u
steve dice:
just like she lied when she called u a slut
just kelly dice:
help me cry
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
ill tell u that its okay to cry
steve dice:
and that u have a lot of pain inside u and thats natures way of letting it out

just kelly dice:
crying is wrong, i can' cry help me, y?
steve dice:
well i cant make u cry!
steve dice:
it will happen naturally when ur ready.

steve dice:
no one has ever loved u i imagine
steve dice:
so maybe there was no point in crying cuz no one cared
steve dice:
can u type something for me again
steve dice:
kelly, r u there?
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
thanks
steve dice:
it hurts when ur mom calls u a slut, huh?
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
ok lets just send each other dots
steve dice:
like morse code
steve dice:
...
steve dice:
ur turn
just kelly dice:
me
just kelly dice:
bad
steve dice:
yeah cuz ur supposed to send dots in morse code
steve dice:
ok lets try again
steve dice:
...
just kelly dice:
no
steve dice:
ok fine, dont send dots
steve dice:
send dashes
steve dice:
---
steve dice:
- - -
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
steve dice:
can u tell me one feeling u feel right now
just kelly dice:
d
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
p
just kelly dice:
r
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
s
just kelly dice:
s
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
d
steve dice:
yeah
steve dice:
h
steve dice:
u
steve dice:
g

just kelly dice:
i
just kelly dice:
h
just kelly dice:
a
just kelly dice:
t
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
m
just kelly dice:
e
just kelly dice:
get that
just kelly dice:
?
steve dice:
yeah
steve dice:
how come u hate u
just kelly dice:
bad
steve dice:
can u tell me what u did that was bad
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
mad
just kelly dice:
u
just kelly dice:
will
just kelly dice:
be
steve dice:
oh u stole my computer again?
just kelly dice:
ye
steve dice:
hang on i am going out to see if is still there
steve dice:
hey it is still there
steve dice:
so what did u do that was bad
steve dice:
if i guess it will u tell me?
just kelly dice:
maby
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
i guess that u think it was bad to do what u did with ur uncle
steve dice:
one dot for yes two for no
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
give me another dot if there is something else u think u did that was bad
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
hmmm
steve dice:
was it with another guy
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
hmm
steve dice:
did u steal something
steve dice:
besides my computer i mean
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
something of mine????
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
ummm
steve dice:
was it money
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
from ur mom
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
good for u
steve dice:
shes a bitch
steve dice:
was it more than 100 pounds
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
darn
steve dice:
more than 10
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
was it recently
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
did she find out
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
ok well i wont tell her
steve dice:
k?
steve dice:
hmm
just kelly dice:
bad
steve dice:
something else?
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
hmm
steve dice:
drugs?
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
sex
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
rock and roll
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
thats a little joke
steve dice:
case u missed it
steve dice:
um
steve dice:
can i have a hint
just kelly dice:
blood
steve dice:
cutting?
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
k
steve dice:

just kelly dice:
angry?
steve dice:
no
steve dice:
i feel love for u kelly
steve dice:
not anger
steve dice:
have pple gotten mad at u before for cutting?
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
ur mom?
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
hmm
steve dice:
ur dad
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
stepdad
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
mates
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
counselor
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
brother
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
sister
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
boyfriend
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
i need a hint
just kelly dice:
police
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
that wouldn't help much
just kelly dice:
in the cell
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
u were in jail and cut?
just kelly dice:
plastic cup
steve dice:
u used a plastic cup to cut
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
that was creative
steve dice:
and they got mad at u
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
im sorry
steve dice:
and no one gave u a hug
just kelly dice:
..
steve dice:
im sorry again
just kelly dice:
was pissed
just kelly dice:
drunk
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
u were drunk
just kelly dice:
.
steve dice:
k
just kelly dice:
mam
just kelly dice:
i
just kelly dice:
hate
steve dice:
me too
just kelly dice:
feel
just kelly dice:
guilty
just kelly dice:
sorry steve
just kelly dice:
i should go
steve dice:
its okay kelly
just kelly dice:
no
just kelly dice:
its not
steve dice:
ill go in a few minutes
steve dice:
how come u said u feel guilty
steve dice:
cuz we are still talking?
just kelly dice:
./..
steve dice:
yes and no?
just kelly dice:
./..
just kelly dice:
./..
steve dice:
hmm
just kelly dice:
die?
just kelly dice:
me?
just kelly dice:
yes?
just kelly dice:
sorry
just kelly dice:
steve
just kelly dice:
by by
just kelly dice:
fone me if u can steve by by
steve dice:
ok
steve dice:
good night
steve dice:
*hug*
just kelly dice:
0798*******
just kelly dice:
nite
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
*hug*