I used to have just the first 99 questions of the mom test here, but I decided to put all the questions on the net for free since this is so important.

I also want to recommend one website in particular for emotional abuse recovery. The Invisible Scar: Website Facebook Page

Steve Hein

This test was originally designed for teenagers. If you are an adult, please try to think back to when you were a teen.

1. Does your mother tend to be unforgiving? Does she say things like "I will never be able to forgive you for that." or "If you do so and so I would never be able to forgive you."

2. Does she make unforgiving comments about other people by saying things like "What he did was unforgivable."

3. Is it hard or impossible for your mother to admit mistakes?,

4. Does your mother always have to have the last word?

5. Is it important for her that she always appears to be right and to win all the arguements?

6. Does your mother make you feel responsible for her feelings (for her happiness or unhappiness or hurt or disappointments)?

7. Does your mother tell you she is disappointed in you?

8. Does your mother ever tell you that you don't deserve things? For example, "You don't deserve all the things your father and I do for you."

9. Does she try to get you to question your own intelligence by saying things like "You think you are so smart. But you
are not." or "You are not smart as you like to think you are." Or "If you are so smart, how can you do something so
stupid.?" or "Why didn't you think of that?"

10. Does your mother say things like "You could do better" in a disapproving way?

11. When you say something which is too close to the truth or when you point out how she is acting hypocriticaly does she feel threatened and say things like: "Don't get smart with me" or "That's absurd" or "You have no idea what you are talking about" or "What gives you the right to say that?" or "How dare you say that?"

12. Does your mother threaten you with statements like "If you ever do that again..." or "The next time I catch you..." Or "This is the last time..."

13. Does your mother punish you with grounding, taking away the phone, tv, computer etc.?

14. Does your mother threaten you with total rejection by saying things like: "Get out of the house and never come back." or "I don't want to ever talk to you again." or "If you leave, don't plan on coming back."

15. Has she ever locked you out of the house?

16. Does she make you believe you are a bad daughter or son by saying things like "What did I do to deserve you?" or
"All the other parents have children who listen to them and respect them, but I got stuck with you." or "Why can't you be like so and so? She never talks back to her mother." or "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"

17. Do you ever feel hated by her?

18. Does your mother tell you what you "should" do a lot?

19. Has your mother ever hit you on the arms, back, shoulders or head?

20. Has she ever pulled you by the hair?

21. Has she ever try to physically stop you from getting out of the house?

22. Has she ever pulled the phone line out when you were talking on it? (Or taken it out of your hands and hung up?)

23. Has she ever disconnected the computer while you were on it?

24. Has your mother ever slapped you in the face?

25. Has she slapped you in the past 6 months?

26 Has she slapped you in the past 30 days?

27. Does she say things like "Oh great. This is all I need" or "This is just what I need right now" in a sarcastic way?

28. Does she say things like "I can't believe you would do something like that!" or 'I can't believe you would think that!" or "How could you say a thing like that?"

29. Do you find yourself apologzing a lot to your mother?

30. Does your mother make exaggerated threats like "If you don't do so and so, you are going to be grounded for the rest of your life."

31. Does she make vague threats like "Either do it or else" or "There is going to be big trouble around here..."

32. Has she ever said "I didn't ask you what you wanted!"

33. Does she ever say things like, "When you are living in my house you will follow my rules."

34. Does she ever say "Don't you dare...."

35. Does she say things like "Don't talk to me like that." or "That is no way you talk to your mother!" or "Don't ever let me hear you say that again."

36. Does she say things like "Don't be so disrespectful."

37. Does she say things like "Don't be so rude."

38. Does she say things like "Don't be so selfish."

39. Does she say things like "Don't be so inconsiderate."

40. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like: "Because it isn't normal." or "Because it is not the done thing." Or "Because you just don't do that." or "Because it is sick." or "Because it is strange"

41. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like: "Because it is wrong." or "Because it is a sin."

42. When you ask her for explanations does she say things like: "Because I said so." or "Because I know more than you." or "When you are older you will understand."

43. Does she say things like, "I don't want to hear anymore about it."

44. Does she say things like, "Don't get fresh with me young lady!"

45. Does your mother get hurt easily?

46. Does your mother get defensive easily?

47. Do you ever say things like "My mother would kill me if..."

48. Do you ever tell yourself or others that you can't do things because it would hurt your mother too much?

49. Does she say things like: "You can keep your comments to yourself" or "I don't want to hear any of your excuses." or "Save it. I am not interested." or "I don't remembering asking for your opinion." or "I don't need your smart mouth." or "I don't need any back talk from you." or "Who asked you?" or "Did I ask you what you wanted?"

50. Does she say things like, "Don't walk away from me when I am talking to you."?

51. Does she say things like, "Look at me when I am talking to you."

52. Does your mother interrupt you when you are talking?

53. If someone asks you a question, does your mother sometimes answer it before you have a chance to?

54. If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you, do you sometimes look over to her before you answer it?

55. If someone asks you a question when your mother is with you, are you sometimes afraid to give the true answer?

56. Would you lie about being hurt or abused by someone, such as a father or step-father, to avoid hurting your mother or to keep the family together?

57. DSSTL "Well, I told you that was a bad idea, didn't I?" or "I warned you that would happen, but you didn't listen, did you?"

58. Does she ask questions that include the answer, such as "That wasn't very polite of you, was it?" or "You left the milk out again, didn't you?"

59. DSSTL "Who do you think you are talking to me like that?"

60. DSSTL "I am the one who is supposed to be asking the questions."

61. DSSSTL "You look like a tramp." or "You look like a slut."

62. Does she try to control what you wear by saying things like "You're not going out dressed like that I hope." or "Don't wear those shoes with that outfit. They don't match." or "Why don't you wear your red dress to the party?"

63. Does she buy you things you don't really want and then feel hurt if you try to tell her they are not what you wanted?

64. Does she tell you how to do your hair?

65. Does she start brushing your hair or changing it without asking you in a way that you would prefer she didn't?

66. Does she argue with you about your clothes or hair?

67. Do you often feel interrogated with a lot of questions like "Why is this towel here?" "Why are your shoes in the middle of the floor?" "Why did you take that glass instead of a smaller one?" "Why can't you go to her house later?"

68. Does she want to know who you are talking to on the telephone or chatting with on the Internet?

69. Does she pry in to your private life?

70. Has she ever read your diary without your permission?

71. Does she come into your room without knocking or waiting for you to answer?

72. Does she taunt you by saying things like: "If I am such a bad mother why don't you just go live somewhere else."

73. Does she intimidate you with statements like, "You are going to kill your father if you keep that up." or "You are going to break my heart if you do so and so." or "You are going to be the death of me."

74. Does she imply that you are a bad influence on younger brothers or sisters?

75. Does she just expect you to do things around the house without thanking you?

76. Does she say things like "What did I just tell you?" or "Were you listening to anything I just said?" "How many times do I have to tell you?"

77. Does she ask you questions about herself which are designed to make you feel guitly such as "Why do you hate me?" "Why do you think I am such a horrible mother?"

78. Does your mother often give you the "silent treatement" to show her disapproval, as a form of control, or to induce guilty feelings?

79. Does your mother want you to act happy even when you are not?

80. Does your mother lie to you or to others?

81. Does your mother deny things which you know for a fact are true?

82. Does your mother take things personally when they were not meant to be about her?

83. DSSTL "I know you better than you know yourself"?

84. Does she often begin sentences with, "I need you to..."?

85. Does she often begin sentences with, "You need to..."?

86. Does she often begin sentences with, "You have to..."?

87. Does she say things like "Don't be so paranoid?"

88. DSSTL "You are too sensitive."?

89. DSSTL "Don't be so dramatic."?

90. DSSTL, "Don't think so much."

91. DSSTL, "Why don't you ever smile?"

92. DSSTL "Smile," "Cheer up."?

93. DSSTL, "Go to your room until you can pull yourself together?"

94. DSSTL, "Go to your room until I tell you to come out?"

95. DSSTL "With everything I do for you, the least you can do is..."?

96. DSSTL "What's the problem? Why are you crying?"

97. DSSTL "What's wrong with you?" ... in a judgmental or disapproving tone?

98. DSSTL "You are a disgrace to the family"?

99. DSSTL "If you want to be treated like an adult, you will have to act like one"?

100. Has your mother ever thrown things at you?

101. Does she tell you not to tell people about problems in the family?

102. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone something about the family?

103. Has she ever gotten angry at you for telling someone you are depressed?

104. Has she ever refused to get you help for depression or anxiety?

105. Has she ever told you to stop crying?

106. Does she often tell you to stop complaining?

107. Does she often complain about how your room looks?

108. Are there a lot of things you are afraid to tell her?

109. Does your mother frequently remind you how old you are?

109. Does she tell you that you can't do a lot of things you want to do because you are too young or too immature?

110. Does she blame you for not being able to do the things she wanted to with her life?

111. Does she blame you for things which were not your fault, such as "You are the reason your father left." or "You are the reason your father started drinking again."

112. Have you ever seen your mother drunk?

113. Have you seen your mother drunk in the last 2 weeks?

The next 9 questions were added in memory of Alex S.: (eqi.org/p3/j/alex/)

114. Has your mother ever said something to you or about you like "I wish I never had you/her/him"?

115. Does she ever hug you, kiss you or touch you when you don't want to be hugged, kissed or touched?

116. Does she continue to hug/kiss/touch you after you have told her you feel uncomfortable or asked her to stop?

117. Has she ever threatened you with sending you to the mental hospital?

118. Has she ever sent you to the mental hospital when you didn't want to go?

119. Does she restrict or has she restricted your access to your online friends or online support?

120. Does she isolate you from friends or potential friends?

121. When others have tried to help you has she told them something like "Leave our family alone. It is none of your business"?

122. Does she try to get you not to trust people you do trust or the opposite: to trust someone you don't trust?

123. Does your mother ever disturb your sleep at night by coming into your room after you have gone to bed and turned off the lights and then yelling at you or wanting to "talk" to you?

124. Does your mother compare you unfavorably to others, making you feel inferior to them in some way?

125. On a scale of 0 to 10, do you feel less than 8 understood by your mother?

126. On a scale of 0 to 10, do you feel less than 8 safe to tell her all your true feelings, opinions, thoughts, opinions and beliefs?

127. Has your mother ever called you useless or made you feel that way?

128. Has your mother ever called you worthless or made you feel that way?

129. Are you often afraid of telling her things because you don't want to hurt, anger, worry or disappoint her?

Core Components of EQI.org

Respect | Empathy
Caring | Listening
Understanding

Other EQI.org Topics:

Emotional Literacy
Invalidation | Hugs
Emotional Abuse |
Feeling Words
Depression | Education
Emotional Intelligence
Parenting | Personal Growth

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