June 20

For the past few days I have been feeling very depressed, mostly because of what is happening in the USA where I was born.

I won't go into all the things which contributed to my feeling discouraged. Now I mainly want to say what I feel encouraged about

- My partner is still with me after some very difficult days.

- I heard from my "adopted" son who first found my site about 5 years ago when he was around 13.

- I learned about Catherine Bleish and the guy who started "Oathkeepers"

I feel encouraged by Catherine for a lot of reasons. One is that she seems to realize it is not helping to label and divide people. She also opposes the abuse of power by the US Federal government. She is very passionate and she states her case very well. She also realizes that the US government is trying to convince soldiers and local police officers to believe that the US citizens are the enemy, or very similar to it. She wants to send the message to the soldiers and police that we are not your enemy. I would put it this way, we are not your enemies, we are your neighbors.

I feel encouraged by Oathkeepers - I feel encouraged by this because he is encouraging people who carry guns to think before they obey orders.

Video of Hans http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5569630864746703469#

One reason I made this page today is for Mac to read. I hope he will feel a bit encouraged, too. And I want to comment on this part of his letter to me....

...I've been too depressed. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could handle things the way that you could. Even when it seems like nothing goes right for you, you've always been able to come back to all of this. I haven't, and I feel ashamed for it.

I am very tired right now. Not just emotionally, but physically as well. I couldn't sleep at all last night.

I want to tell Mac, and every depressed person, especially teens, that when we are depressed it is nature's way of telling us we need to rest. I have had about three days to rest now. I don't have to go to school or to the office or such. I just slept a lot. And I watched a lot of TV which in a way depressed me more but also informed me more. I am learning how bad things are in America.

I also realized I need to stop letting more depressing news into my brain, to give it a rest. I trusted, sort of, my brain and body to tell me when I had had enough. And I reached that point. I told my partner at least once that when I have been depressed in the past, I have always recovered from it with some new insight or motivation. My body heals itself pretty well. But.... and this is a big but, I don't have many people telling me what to do and imposing their needs on me.

This is a key. If I were this depressed and still living at home, with my family and all their needs, or going to school with all the needy and controlling people there, I would not be able to rest. I think of my teen friends who used to tell me that their parents would scream at them to wake up, get up and go to school.

But their bodies needed rest. Their brains and hearts or souls needed rest. So they were not able to recover from their depression.

So I believe very strongly that when you are depressed you need time to recover. It has to be at your pace, not someone else's. Sadly, even tragically, very, very few people understand this. And equally sadly and tragically, for the suicidal teen agers with little control over their lives and bodies, it is likely no one in their immediate environment understands this.