Home | Abuse

To Heal and Prevent We Must Understand Cause and Effect - S. Hein

Healthy Children Don't Need Chemotherapy - S. Hein

Here is an email I sent to a self-harming teenager in the USA

i really feel a strong need to say this...

____ did not hurt me.

i didnt say that. plz dont think of it that way.

lots and lots and lots of other people hurt me

but not ____

i feel hurt, i feel pain, but she didnt cause it. she could help it and she has helped it. but lets not think she caused my pain

she is so beautiful, inside and out. im struggling not to blame her for my pain. i need empathy but not misguided empathy if u know what i mean. well let me explain. saying "im sorry ___ hurt you" is misguided empathy. the kind of empathy i need is more like "im sorry you are in so much pain" -

i feel a bit responsible for giving u the idea that she hurt me

she didnt. i need to remind myself so thank u for helping me be reminded of it. it hurts that she didnt do things which would have helped fill some of my unmet emotional needs. it definitely hurts but it was her "job" as it is the "job" of ur mother and father for example, ____ doesnt stop me from going elsewhere to look for what i need.

also, she does not use legal, psychological, financial, natural and physical power that parents have over children and teens to fill any of her ument child and adoloscent emotional needs as abusive parents do.she does not abuse her power over me. she actually doesnt have power over me. I can walk away. i dont want to. but i can. in fact i am walking away a bit because i realize i am too dependent on her. i need to know that she wants to spend time with me, work on our projects together, and learn from me voluntarily.

that is one huge difference. and ___has listened to me and shown acceptance and understanding of my feelings.
i need her too much because my parents and my family and the people who i lived with for the critical years of my life abused me in so many ways....

to heal and prevent we must be clear about cause and effect.


i care about u

do u feel cared about by me?


Core Components of EQI.org

Respect | Empathy
Caring | Listening

Other EQI.org Topics:

Emotional Literacy
Invalidation | Hugs
Emotional Abuse |
Feeling Words
Depression | Education
Emotional Intelligence
Parenting | Personal Growth

Search EQI.org | Support EQI.org

EQI.org Library and Bookstore

Healthy children don't need chemotherapy. S. Hein

When I went to a rainbow gathering I realized that what abused adults need to heal, if we can call everything they do healing, is not the same as what children and teens need to stay healthy and prevent the need for healing later.

For example, adults who need rituals to feel secure to help stop the pain of years of insecurity while growing up.

Or who need yoga and mediation and standing in circles holding hands and singing etc.

So don't give chemotherapy to children who don't have cancer. Figure out what causes cancer so we can prevent it and we won't need to heal from it.

  A list of all files on EQI.org