The New Zealand
Fathering Network
Parenting for Men - New Zealand
A support, information, research
and networking resource for the NZ Father.
Parenting for Men is a Charitable Trust set up to parenting
issues for men in our community.
Our Executive Director is Dave Halligan, a proud father of 4
children, 3 girls and 1 boy, aged 19 years down to 8 years. Dave
has a degree in Economics, and spent 13 years in the financial
markets as a derivatives trader and economist. He has also
studied and passed Psychology to stage 2, along with Family and
Criminal Law, at Otago university. He was selected as All Black
fullback in 1981 and was a reserve for 3 tests against Australia
in 1982.
Dave has done mentoring/facilitation work with CCS Disabilities
Action, and is a committee member for Alcohol Action Tauranga.
PFM is also on Plunkets national “Father facilitator”
list.
Dave views his role as that of a social economist, to find
pragmatic long term solutions to causes of negative social
outcomes, parenting being top of that list.
The other 2 Trustees for PFM are Dr Tony Farrell and Dr Max
Neate, both GP’s at Mount Medical Centre. Tony and Max are
dedicated dads and are very aware of negative outcomes from
“underparenting” that they see first hand in their
work.
Our philosophy:
We believe that men as a group, need to approach parenting in a
committed and engaged way. We as men need to be willing to
embrace parenting in a positive enthusiastic proactive manner,
and to accept and acknowledge the responsibility of parenting,
and to feel confident, and natural about parenting. We aim to
“normalise” positive parenting in men’s lives.
We promote the view that all men are capable of being great dads,
given encouragement and opportunity to engage with their
children, and in many instances, some prodding.
We promote conscious parenting, to actively and openly discuss
issues with mums, partners, other men, and parenting support
groups. It is about inclusiveness and co-operation.
We men have to step forward and embrace responsible parenting as
a top priority in our lives, not only because we know that it is
important for our children, our families, and for our
communities, but that parenting is fun and rewarding! We promote
healthy, balanced role sharing within our families.
Mutual acknowledgement, respect, and support of each other as
valued partners and parents is integral to getting the best
outcomes for our children, and ourselves. Our focus is to
encourage dads to complement and support mums/partners, to
collaborate, to co-operate, and engage in constructive open
dialogue and parenting.
Our goals:
Our primary goal is to guide and provide a platform for our
children to be happy, secure, safe, positive, confident young
people, who are respectful, kind, gentle, empathetic,
considerate, and who are capable of setting and maintaining their
own boundaries in life.
If we achieve this, then we believe we will see a marked decline
in violence, crime, teen suicide, child abuse, drug/alcohol
abuse, and other negative societal outcomes.
We also promote respectful co-operative collaboration between
mums and dads, to keep families together, and to achieve good
outcomes for us as adults as well as our children.
If we can achieve this within families, we will also build
tighter more caring communities, enabling us to reach and to help
those in our street who really need it most.
We aim to show men better ways to not only parent, but to conduct
themselves in our communities. Men can provide a positive
influence as protectors and role models, so that our children
aspire to be good young people and ultimately good adults, to
create a positive long term cycle.
And last but not least, to create an environment of FUN in our
families and communities!
Achieving our goals:
Engage, educate, equip.
We find and engage men in a variety of forums. At this stage, we
are engaging men/dads as early in a childs life as possible,
specifically the dads of 0 – 5 year olds, in the Western Bay
of Plenty.
At secondary schools, we will present to boys, to discuss the
realities (both positive and negative) of parenting, with the
next generation of dads. In time we would like to also present to
girls to give a male perspective of, and issues relating to
parenting.
At ante natal classes, we provide a dads perspective, to both the
expectant dads as well as the mums, not only to help them through
the birth, but also beyond the birth and into parenting a new
baby. It has been evident from research, that the months leading
up to and shortly after the birth, are a key time to engage dads
and for them to connect with their child and with parenting.
Through early childcare providers, we offer parenting education
to dads and mums.
We offer input to the mums, to help them to understand the male
perspective and the challenges faced by dads. We promote the
importance of encouraging and engaging the dads of their
children.
We also offer a male parenting perspective to solo mums, where
the dad is absent. An important component is to engage and to
“draw in” absentee and unengaged dads where possible.
Our approach is one of common sense. We don’t believe that a
“perfect parent” model exists, or that there is a hard
and fast blueprint, but we can provide guidelines as to where to
start and how to help dads onto a positive path. The very first
step in parenting is to commit to and engage with your child. We
endeavour to help dads/parents find their own “best
way” to parent in their own natural style.
We provide pragmatic, realistic, down to earth support and
education, easy to understand and comprehend, in a relaxed casual
setting. We will adapt, improve and expand our content over time.
Our sessions encourage input and feedback from participants, as
we believe that men need a forum to express themselves, and
talking amongst other men is a great place to start that process.
We equip dads/parents with tools and ideas to apply to their own
situations. A core component of our program is promoting to
parents, that their role is to guide and teach their children, in
a relaxed, firm clear manner:
To love, value and accept their children as unique individuals.
To listen and to watch, to fully engage and interact with their children.
To find the things in life which stimulate and interest their children,
to show them a wide variety of experiences, so that their children can discover their talents.
To help their children to understand that a part of life is to make mistakes, but to learn and grow from those experiences.
To teach our children to be adventurous, safely.
The bottom line is to show parents
that love, respect, acceptance, fairness, and to be valued, are
their child’s core needs. And interestingly enough, that is
pretty much what every human beings’ core needs are.
We believe strongly, that physical punishment as a disciplinary
system, is ineffective, and is to be avoided. Any system of
discipline which uses fear, intimidation, or humiliation is
unacceptable and destructive.
We promote positive constructive
forms of discipline; firm, fair, consistent; praise and
encouragement rather than a “punishment” regime.
Children respond to relationships, more than rules. Affection and
acceptance are powerful incentives for children.
We aim to build a team of men and women in our communities, who
will facilitate and deliver our program. There are many great
mums and dads already out there, and they are a valuable
resource. Between us all we will find practical long term answers
and solutions.
Parenting for Men contact details:
+ 64 (07) 5755 789
(027) 574 2280
Dave Halligan