Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com
My Reponse to Australian Reporter Paul Willis' Mail
A reporter named Paul Willis in Australia wrote me one day asking me for some input to an show he was creating about emotinal intelligence. Here is what I prepared for him based on his questions:
Paul:
You provide a pretty frank assessment of EI and its' applications but you still seem to think it has merit. Am I right in thinking that you think some of the main proponents have overstated their cases but that there is a germ of something useful here?
Me:
Yeah, I think there is a lot of merit to the idea of emotional intelligence as defined by Mayer and Salovey, but not much merit to the way Dan Goleman defined it for the masses in 1995 and then redefined since then for the corporate world.
Please give this page about the
Mayer Salovey model of EI a good look. It may look a bit daunting
at first but it is really a well thought out design.
Paul:
And could you describe that germ?
Me:
In a nutshell, I really believe that it is our emotional intelligence that can stop us from killing each other. Our intellectual intelligence gives us the ability to create the ways to destroy all human life, but it is our emotional intelligence which can prevent that, and help us learn to all cooperate for our own survival.
More specifically it is our ability to feel emotional pain, to empathize and to understand others pain which will help us. Those with higher EI, I believe are also more sensitive to emotional pain and are more able and more motivated to figure out non-violent solutions to conflicts. Their own pain at the thought of violence provides the motivation to work harder to find other solutions.
Paul:
Lastly, for now, are you trained in this area? Have you studied psychology?
Me:
I am not trained in psychology and I wouldn't want to be. I
have just done my own reading and thinking... and living. To me
the psychologists, in general, not all of course, have really
lost the plot. For example, so many of the American psychologists
believe that putting teens on medication will take the place of
listening, hugs and other forms of emotional support. I have
listened to suicidal teens for over five years now on a volunteer
basis and I am totally convinced there is nothing genetically or
biologically wrong with them. They don't have "chemical
imbalances" as the professionals say. They are victims of
emotional invalidation and other forms of emotional abuse and
neglect. Yet very few professionals ever even talk about the
concept of emotional invalidation. If you check google, you will
find that my page on invalidation is number one, btw, something
I'm quite proud of.
My work is practical, not just theoretical. I'd say that is why
it is number one on invaldation, emotional intelligence, and
emotional honesty, among others.
My work is also based on my own personal life. On my site and
especially in my journal writing I pretty much tell it all. Not
many "professionals" have the guts to do that!
Paul sent me his answers to my test quesions, and I commented on them... first his answers.
Question Group 1
When I look at these pictures:
1. I think... This looks foreign to me; I dont understand parades
or why people put
their kids in them. I wonder what its supposed to acheive
2. I feel... Confused. Id like to understand and appreciate but I
cant
3. He is probably feeling... Bored shitless!
4. He would probably feel better if... Were playing or doing just
about anything
other than being in a parade
5. I would feel better if... I was watching him play rather than
being in a parade.
Question Group 2
When I look at these pictures:
1. I think... Does this child even know whats going on? Looks
like shes been
conned into wearing a pretty dress but didnt appreciate that
being in a parade is
really boring.
2. I feel... Sad. Poor little bugger!
3. She is probably feeling... Bored and confused. Probably
trapped as well
4. She would probably feel better if... she were playing
5. I would feel better if... she were playing
My comments:
To me your answers are pretty good. And I'm not just saying that to get on your good side! If I didn't think they were good I'd probably just avoid this part of your email! When you said you feel sad, to me that is empathy, which is a huge part of EI. And when you said bored, confused and trapped you labeled actual feelings instead of just giving thoughts as so many people did. But I would say this girl looks something like defiant. She looks to me like her parents forced her to do that and she resents it.
And I also like how you said what would help you feel better. And I like that you said "bored shitless" for the first guy. lol. I like the emotional honesty there! One thing I really liked about Oz as compared to Americans. In Oz if I asked someone working in a grocery store or a petrol shop how they like there job, they were much more likely to give me a real answer like "I hate it." than Americans would!
Ok, about the rest of the questions... I won't say too much, just because I would have to go back to the editorial and read it again and I'm working off line now so it would be harder to find, but what you said about the slide show really tells me that you have pretty high natural EI. When you said "Depressed and appalled" to me these are the kinds of feelings we all should have when we see something like this, and thus my beliefs about why EI is really important to humanity. We need to have these kinds of feelings to guide us to what is in our own survival interests. I am convinced the school systems are corrupting the natural EI of young people. In fact in Oz once I gave talk to some police officers and one of them was once in the military and he said part of the training was an emotional de-sensitizing course. Obviously, it helps not to feel empathy and depression etc when you are ordered to go kill people.
Thanks for writing, Paul. You are a person I would like to get to know and stay in contact with. If you have your own web page I will be happy to put a link to it. Btw, could I please see a draft of what you are writing. I'd like to give you more of my thoughts. So much of what is written about EI is total crap.
And I'd like to see the study you mentioned by Campbell
And about my misgivings.... They aren't with EI. They are with the people who are just trying to make money from the term. See this page on the what I call the fakes and this one on the "experts"
PS - I lived pretty "bush", without even electricity except a solar panel for my laptop, when I was in OZ so honestly the program doesn't ring a bell to me! But let me know when it airs please and I will tell my mate! He is a very interesting guy by the way, a photographer. Here is his website...Jonny Lewis
PPS is it okay if I make this page public?
Paul's answer:
Depressed and appalled. I cannot believe that people think
that
anything is worth killing other people over, let a lone a
stinking desert. I also feel
completely confused as to how people can use religion as a
justification for going
to war and killing other people. For me they may as well be
killing in the name of
Santa Clause of the Tooth Fairy. When the most precious and
fundamental
property all humans have is life, I am utterly baffled as to how
anyone can justify
killing others of risk being killed for an ideal. And the
disrespect of other people
leaves me feeling very sad.
And I would like to know how you think the author is feeling and
what would help
him feel better
Paul's answer:
The author seems to be as baffled and confused as I am
although I
suspect that somewhere in there they have a belief that some
religious or
political idea does justify all this mess. They do seem, however,
to be reluctant to
fully accept that justification. I think the author would feel
better if people acted
like humans in accord with their own humanity and the professed
values of their
religions rather than with the barbarity that all sides are
acting with.
Here are a couple links to stuff about Paul's
http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/team.htm
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~pwillis/
A final note. I felt a little used by Paul because I asked him to let me know just when the program would be on, and to let me know what someone in Australia was saying about EI and he never replied.
This kind of thing has happened before with reporters. I am not too impressed by them generally speaking. They get what they need for their story and then forget about you, it seems.