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Tim wrote to us first in May of 2009 when he was sixteen, if I have my dates right.

Comments on Still Being in School, Learning on His Own

Chat with Tim - August 2009

First email

Update - Jan 2015

An email I got from Tim

Subject: Rather Inspired by Your Writing as of Late

I really don't have much time at all, since I have to take a bus to head
over to work in a short while, but I just wanted to say that I've felt
really inspired by your writing lately. I think it's really interesting how
you've decided to start talking about your belief system called Steveism.
What made you decide to go with the term Steveism, rather than Heinism? Is
it that no one else has the term Steveism and almost everyone refers to you
as Steve, rather than Steve Hein?

Anyhow, I was thinking about this idea: I think it would be rather cool for
someone to write a fiction book that illustrates what you call an
emotionally intelligent alternative society. I think something like that
would really help create a picture in everyone's heads regarding a new,
better society.

Maybe I could write a book like this someday. After all, I would surely
like to write a fiction book someday, so why not write a fiction book that
actually matters? I don't know when I would do this, but someday I hope I

I hope that I can write you again soon. I'm sorry that I never wrote back
to your email you sent me a long while ago. I really appreciated that
email, even though I never responded back to it, so thanks very much for
writing it.

I hope everything it working out alright or well for you. How is everything
going in your current living situation? How are you, in general?



Tim is doing a lot of hoping! lol

Now it is a few days later.. and I see that Tim did more than hope about writing me soon. lol. He wrote again today. Here is part of what he said... I liked it so that is why I am putting it here obviously. I just realized with this email that Tim is the only one who comes to mind as someone who found my site as a "minot" and then went to a university and still has kept in touch. I feel a little more optimistic I will meet him in person one day. Today is Jan 18, 2015 btw.

....even though I've gotten busy in the past and haven't had much
> of a chance to look at your website on a regular basis, there's many key
> things on your website that I will never forget that I practice on a
> regular basis: emotional literacy; awareness of emotional abuse;
> awareness of emotional validation; awareness of respecting,
> understanding, and listening to others; awareness of empathizing with
> others. Honestly, if I had not discovered your website, I don't think I
> would who I am today. Your ideas, the knowledge that you have provided
> on your website has become the basis with which I understand the world;
> in other words, my world view is based on your beliefs. As far as I've
> been able to tell, there isn't another type of view that is more
> convincing and important than the view based on your ideas.

I hope I didn't mess him up too badly!


Nov 28 2015 email

Sept 22, 2009

i wish i was like steph, where i wasn't in school anymore
i hate being in school
i think it's a waste of time now for sure
cuz, anything that i need to learn in school still, i could easily learn on my own
just need an effort
like, say, writing essays more effectively
i could learn how to do that online
instead i have to write essays about random crap i don't care about
then i stress out and stuff
which is just great


We once had an idea of rating other sites on teen suicide.... here is something Tim sent me on that



This site gets the sympathy of the reader with its opening, and by the end, it informs that parents can do something about it. It's not the best kind of help source, but it's in the right direction. However, mentioning things about taking weapons away in the house or other similar things to that that don't pertain to emotions, as well as getting help from some professional, is unnecessary. Rating I would give it 3/5

I replied:

Sounds like a good start. I want to think about this rating idea more but that is the idea. As far as this particular site goes, I guess I would support the idea of removing guns, but not razors for example. Anyhow, your point is that many things are suggested which don't address the cause of the emotional pain and don't offer new ways of providing the needed emotional support, such as understanding.

A good professional might help. I'm sure some do. But too many don't. That is why teens write us who have already seen, or are seeing people called professionals. But that gives me the idea that we might also start to think about how to rate professionals, or at least have a checklist type thing so people can start to think of how their counselor or psychologist helps or doesn't help, and actually we could do the same thing for friends or anyone.

We could post something for parents maybe like "How to tell if a psychologist is helping your teenager"


First email -- May 2009

Hi Steve,

It's been months that I've been looking at your site. It's helped me so much with my own life and my perception of life itself. Thank you so much for keeping it up and posting this information that I hope someday more people will notice.

Anyway, my name is Tim. I am a strong supporter of emotional intelligence. I read your site on my free time to learn more about things that many people of have misunderstood or misperceived. It is interesting to read, to hear about your stories in different countries. I've sent your site to a bunch of friends of mine, some taking a real look at the information and some not. Oh, and I'm 16. When I send your site to most people, they either don't look at enough information to realize what is being said, I guess, or they simply cannot understand because of how they grew up. One friend of mine refuses to even look at it. One says it's a waste of time but I have yet to hear his full opinion. But then I have a close friend who does understand it, which is great.

I was really hesistant on emailing you. It seems like I was battling with the same mental conflict as that guy Kel who had emailed you before. It's just... I really wanted to thank you, but I also wanted to tell you why your site helped me; but then I didn't... well I don't know what was holding me back, actually.

Well, to explain why your site helped me, it helped me see a look on life that is the most logical and rational than anything I've heard of. I'm glad I discovered it when I did, because at some point after, I had huge problems with my dad and his family and my mom. Like, uh, no one would side with my dad because they did not understand his situation. My dad had been under emotional abuse all throughout his life. He's told me all about it, and he's always been so caring with me and so much like a very personal friend would care for another. It is actually how a genuine father-son relationship should work out to be. Anyway, to get back to my story, basically, my dad was brought into a horrible situation. He was illegally evicted from a room in a house that he was living in for 2 years. The reason he was evicted was because he didn't have the money at the proper time to pay his roommate, but he couldn't be evicted at least for 2 months because he had been resident for so long. But he was evicted in no less than 5 days, I'm sure. He didn't have the money because he had gotten injured during a tile job--since he's a tile contractor--and he couldn't work. And he was also depressed. And he was depressed because of things his family did to him. Like, he was supposed to be able to fly my uncle's plane whenever he wanted since he had taught my uncle how to fly. And well, my uncle was stingy, and made excuses for why he shouldn't be able to fly the plane. Anyway, so, he was really depressed for months or so while he was injured and before he was evicted. He was suicidal at times, in fact. He would email me about it and sort of... vent with me. And that's where I want to thank you, but not yet. Anyway, my dad is homeless now, and for the first couple of weeks, he was suicidal and said that he only stayed around because of my brother and I.

Well, I don't know if I should go into most amount of detail, but I'll just say that my dad's side of the family was emotionally abusive to my dad, and eventually convinced my mom that he is a drug addict. Which he isn't; he had tried drugs several times in the past but never got addicted, and that's because he needed to escape from his living conditions.

Since I had read your site and all that beforehand, and I had a lot of experience understanding myself and others by talking online with a few people for many many months, I was able to handle my dad's situation well enough that he isn't suicidal anymore. I mean, eventually he had stopped thinking about what his family did to him (he had always talked about it constantly to me before). Eventually he met people in the homeless community that he could associate with.

To finish up this email, I just want to thank you so very much for being who you are and doing what you do. You are sort of the figure that I can look up to and do look up to. I admire you so much.

I didn't get around to talking about war, but yeah, I think it's not emotionally intelligent and I very solumnly agree with your petition. War... is logical, unfortunately, because of the people who handle situations. I disagree with war because it can be avoided altogether, like you probably think. Right now in US history class, I am learning about the Vietnam war and it is so pointless. The United States wanted to stop the spread of communism so they fought against North Vietnam to stop them from taking over South Vietnam. I just don't believe such a thing is necessary, especially since the US was not directly involved; all they wanted to do was stop the spread of communism. Fighting fire with fire certainly doesn't work in situations like these. It doesn't change peoples' ideals, but merely halts progress of such ideals.

Anyway, I think this is enough now, lol.

Thanks again, hope to hear a reply back if you have time; if not, that's ok,



Something Tim said in a chat with Steph

When people are aware of emotional intelligence, emotional abuse is ceased a considerable degree. With it that way, there is a certain amount of lenience when it comes to possible invalidation or not listening, because it wouldn't happen often and wouldn't happen to such a large degree considering that people are aware that they are possibly emotionally abusing one another. And then, if it does get to a point where it starts to need to be addressed, the chances of it actually being addressed are much higher.


This made me think that EI is the most innate form of intelligence. If people take emotional iintelligence seriously, they will take a child's feelings more seriously. They will take a teenager's feelings more seriously. Other "intelligence" is largely taught. Tests at school measure more of a person's ability to memorize and repeat than their innate intelligence. I'm not too sure about IQ tests because I don't know much about them. But I recall my conversation with the guy in Australia who now works for ETS... He was a co-author of the book called something like EI Fact or Myth? He was very critical of IQ and EQ tests.

Peoples beliefs are obviously shaped (at the very least) by their environment/culture/reiligion/schools/parents etc. But their feelings come more directly from nature when they are born. A child has no beliefs. But it has feelings. True emotional intelligence is not a factor of how much someone repeats what they are taught. It maybe inversely correleated in fact. -

Emotional intelligence is more innate, more natural and therefore more pure.



Later Tim wrote this

Tim says:
"Emotional intelligence is more innate, more natural and therefore more pure."
Tim says:
emotional intelligence just sort of comes naturally
Tim says:
any particular things u learn about more efficient emotional management and such, it just sort of... clicks with u
Tim says:
ur usually like "Wow, that makes a lot of sense."
Tim says:
i think that's how it was with me
Tim says:
why i was so interested in learning so much about what u have on ur site
Tim says:
it was so true to life, everything u said


On Religion, Being JW

i was Jehovah's Witness
Tim says:
Tim says:
they are christians in a way
Tim says:
but they are like... cult-ish
Tim says:
but i think i got out cuz my mom fails at being a good example of a christian, and because i thought discrimination is wrong and i feel more open-minded than that

Some work for Tim :)


Something for to research cuz they isolate teens as punishment in mental hospitals, schools.


As a Registered Nurse who know The Joint Commissions Standards for Mental Health very well, I must say that this was the most ridiculous episode of any television show to make it past the editors and expert consultants. Anyone in healthcare knows that you can’t put a patient in seclusion as a punishment. Anyone also knows that the psychiatrist doesn’t sit around in a short skirt playing games with the patients, let alone even be in the common room by herself. could’ve been so much better if just a bit more accurate and ethical.

from http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2009/09/22/house-season-6-premiere-tv-recap/

try this search


Here is a book to take notes from

The Protestant temperament: patterns of child-rearing, religious experience

Here is some of it..



Here is another search to try


one thing i found



Clean up Justice pages.

Other stuff....

steve says:
yeah. steph said ur mom took ur internet away once
steve says:
and it sounded like she doesnt like u on msn
Tim says:
Tim says:
yeah, i can't chat
Tim says:
at all
Tim says:
around her
Tim says:
i have to sneak all the time
steve says:
Tim says:
that's the only way i can chat at all
Tim says:
and email
steve says:
whats her problem
Tim says:
she doesn't want me
Tim says:
talking to people like gays or bisexuals
steve says:
ha ha
Tim says:
or people who are depressive and cut
Tim says:
Tim says:
it's sad
steve says:
what about talking to pple who give u new ideas like me haha
steve says:
that might be even more scary for her
Tim says:
Tim says:
Tim says:
but i think it's already too late
Tim says:
i already
Tim says:
have so many new ideas
Tim says:
that she wouldn't think that i would have
Tim says:
but anyway

from Oct 05th convo

Tim says:
adults won't realize the brilliance of emotional intelligence ideas since they grew up with emotional abuse and are "used to it"
Tim says:
people don't see the problems of the world as major because they grew up with them and did nothing about it and just accept it as normal

but what i was going to say was that... with eqi and stuff, i think there are certain principles that are concentrated in the site that kind of work with everything and facilitate more beneficial thoughts to the world, if that makes any sense lol

Tim says:
i think it's really sad that there are a lot of kids in my high school, along with all the school officials and teachers and everyone like that that think that the school is run productively and practically, and effectively
Tim says:
but that's because it's been like that for so long, along with all the other schools that brought up those teachers, and other school officials
Tim says:
the other schools have it that way
Tim says:
inefficient education
Tim says:
which causes my high school to have it that way
Tim says:
which causes whatever is in charge of my high school to keep my high school that way and whatever else it has power over that way
Tim says:
on the very surface there is practicality in high schools and other schools that are run by this inefficient education system, but it's not at all deep
Tim says:
u basically have a buffet of subjects to choose from because that is how things are taught, but comparing this to a buffet, u aren't really getting any quality out of anything
Tim says:
u don't really get that great taste that will stay with u forever
Tim says:
in other words, all these subjects are usually forgotten
Tim says:
so therefore, it's a waste of time
steve says:
Tim says:
instead of learning all these subjects just to forget them, learn what u actually will get from them by itself
Tim says:
so u don't waste all sorts of time

Mail Nov 28 2015

Here I am again up at 4 AM replying to one of your emails.

That's such a great idea! I hesitate to call it EQI University, since I
don't want it to fully match a university system; however, it needs to
be some kind of program that we can market to be recognizable and
credible, in which case people would feel motivated to get involved in
it. Sadly, USA especially and the rest of the world seem to think that
education means jobs. So, if we can somehow make it so that EQI
University (till we come up with another name, or we stay with the same
one) is useful in regards to getting a job, then this would definitely
work. Honestly, though, when it comes down to it, maybe we should invent
an entire system from start to finish: education in EQI, then a system
of jobs. Seriously, people who know EQI ideas would be much more helpful
to the average person as far as psychotherapy goes, or whatever; much
more useful for marriages, overcoming depression, overcoming stuck life
patterns, etc. As far as I know, I imagine that regular psychotherapy
doesn't focus on specifically dealing with feelings, so that's why we
pretty much might likely have to branch off from the conventional
system. It's pretty curious. You know what I mean, though?

Oh, I definitely could, especially since I'm learning how to maintain a
website for the company that I'm working for these days.

I haven't seen those videos. Are they on YouTube?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be doing this EQI University thing for the
money; I want to change the world. As far as making money, I can just do
computer science type work; but I know that isn't something I want to do
forever, so if I can eventually make enough money doing emotional skills
work based on EQI, I'd surely quit doing computer science type work
easily, since EQI stuff is infinitely more important.

Yes, we need to do something in which more people might have access to
EQI ideas. Perhaps that does mean coming up with a new website that
focuses on education and then going into work. Perhaps we need to design
the work system, too. Who knows. Traditional therapists don't know EQI
ideas, so maybe we do need to design a work system. What do you think?
Maybe we could do that whole forum thing that you did in the past on
your website, but do it differently this time lol. Maybe that would be a

Yeah, we do need people to help us do research, though. So we definitely
need to get "credible" researchers on our side, or people who can
somehow do research in a "credible" way.

I never made a couchsurfing account yet. I will definitely do so. =) I
also want to travel, but I don't know when I will since I'm trying to
make money in my new job and stuff. I'm sorry we fell so far out of
touch, too.... Yes, I can pay you back for that laptop; indeed, I did
forget! So yeah, once I start working full-time in December, I can pay
you back. =)

Yeah, I definitely want to do something together. EQI ideas are very
important to me; they changed my life, actually, and I never seen
anything like them anywhere else. So there's definite work that needs to
be done to keep changing the world. =) I would know, after all, that
these ideas aren't too well known considering all the people I know
these days.

By the way, I don't proofread what I write anymore for some reason, so
if I have a random grammar error, or paragraph disorganization, or a
spelling error, that's why. =P

Now I'm going back to sleep lol.