Withdrawing Privileges

* under construction

Withdrawing Privileges

"Withdrawing privileges" is a term often used to describe a certain type of punishment.

Reading that New Zealand TV psychologist Nigel Latta suggests removing a door to a teenager's room as a type of punishment made me wonder...

Does a teenager have a right to privacy? Do they sometimes have a *need* for privacy?

Do they have a right to friends?

Does a teenager have a need for friends?

Is having friends a privilege?

Is having privacy a privilege?

Is taking the door off of a teenager's room a violation of their human right to privacy as defined by the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Children?

Is taking the door off denying them of a natural human emotional/psychological need?

Does denying someone of an emotional/psychological need have any affect on their long term mental health?

Does denying someone a certain vitamin have any affect on their long term physical health?

From A Social Worker in Canberra, Australia

She said if you take the thing away they most value, they have nothing left and you may never get them back. She used the example of sports and school. If the only thing a student likes about school is sports and you punish him by taking that away from him, there is nothing left and they simply may drop out of school.

She said it is better to build on the things a person does like, even it there is only one at the moment.

SH- I would say it is a big risk to take away something someone values. In some cases the punished person might behave the way you want to get it back or to prevent more things taken away. But in other cases, they may give up, disconnect, feel resentful or defeated and depressed. (From Franz Joseph YHA convo April 2, 2011)

From Dave Halligan - Director of Parenting for Men, New Zealand

"Withdrawing privileges is another arrow in the quiver of tools for parents. As with those type of tools, it is a way to make children behave a certain way, not necessarily to think a certain way. They will begrudgingly do whatever is required to maintain privileges.

"Personally I prefer to teach children to behave appropriately because they *want* to... that they understand it's respectful, positive and right.

"I prefer them to anticipate others needs and to respond appropriately, of their own volition. Withdrawing privileges starts a game, and using it means that earlier parenting hasn't taught them *how* to think. In summary, I think it can be effective, but it is a soft option for meek passive parents. It is about punishment, which I am not a fan of.

"The best parents I know have never had to punish or coerce their children. They have a respectful 2 way relationship, both parties anticipating each other's needs and delivering the appropriate behaviour. The children want to please their parents in an authentic way, and they get a huge amount of positive reinforcement (building self esteem, resilience) from their parents in the form of praise and acceptance, respect and acknowledgement."

SH - This brings up the issue of what is "right." I'd say that our natural, uncorrupted feelings will tell us what is right because that will be what feels good or what feels right. Doing something you believe is right will feel good. When you believe in something then it feels right to do what supports that. A problem is that children and teens, as well as adults are often pressured, coerced, etc. into doing things they don't really believe in and wouldn't do voluntarily.