Amee Flynn page 3

steve says:
hey
Amee says:
Hiya - talked to Rich today and he was very understanding
Amee says:
So I'm happy
steve says:
: )
steve says:
good
steve says:
what else is up
steve says:
did u print out the convo?
Amee says:
No, but saved the important bits into a .txt and he read them on the computer
steve says:
k
steve says:
what did he say
steve says:
were u scared?
Amee says:
I was a little bit more worried that he'd get upset. When I tell him everything, he usually feels really bad and ends up crying
Amee says:
Then I cry too, and it's so sad
steve says:
so what happened
Amee says:
He just read it, snuggled me a bit to make me feel better (Cos he seemed to realise I'd been feeling pretty down) and then he explained a little bit of why he'd been so snippy lately.
steve says:
k
steve says:
so how are u feeling now about the relationship 0-10
Amee says:
Optimistic, 10
Amee says:
I feel sure that we can work things out
steve says:
k
steve says:
good
steve says:
hey will u read my diary and give me your thoughts
Amee says:
Yeah, np
steve says:
i mention u sort of
steve says:
the entry is called feeling overwhelmed
Amee says:
*reading, but not finished* - Steve, you do help. You help very much.
steve says:
no comment
steve says:
lol
Amee says:
*prod* *done reading*
Amee says:
I feel very much helped by you
Amee says:
Don't you invalidate me
Amee says:
(I am joking)
Amee says:
Do you feel unsuccessful?
steve says:
lol
steve says:
no silly i want your thoughts on...
steve says:
how to help these kids
steve says:
on whether my suggestions were helpful to them
steve says:
whether they might have helped u
steve says:
at 12-16
Amee says:
Jeeze, I'd give you an 8. The only thing that knocks the score below 10 is you can't be there all the time
Amee says:
And I wouldn't expect you to
steve says:
any more ideas for these kids
Amee says:
Well...
Amee says:
I don't think you can fix everything for them. Not instantly, and in a sense, that "Can't help you if you don't help yourself" thing is true.
Amee says:
But if you let them know there's hope, help them find what they want to do with their lives, and nudge them in that direction, they'll be a lot better off
steve says:
yeah maybe
Amee says:
Have you ever considered being a school counsellor?
steve says:
couldnt stand being locked up, around all those people who follow rules
steve says:
teachers i mean
Amee says:
lol
steve says:
having someone over me
Amee says:
I was just thinking, that'd get you right in there with the kids. I mean, it's either you there, or it's someone else
Amee says:
And that someone else is the one who doesn't help
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
it sucks that i cant have access to more of them
Amee says:
I know you'd bend the rules, but to be honest, that's fine with me. It's about time someone did
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
hey xxx just got online...
steve says:
so can u hang on?
Amee says:
Yeah. Go take care of 'er. Sounds like she might need it
steve says:
yeah she is barely hanging on
steve says:
a friend of hers just died in the hospital
steve says:
left a child behind
Amee says:
Jeeze, that's harsh
steve says:
xxx feels for everyone like that

steve says:
i just asked her to copy some of that girls entries from her diary
steve says:
so we could make like a memorial to her
steve says:
i said i am tired of these kids dying because the system failed
steve says:
xxx said okay good idea
steve says:
i want to help give her a purpose for her life
steve says:
kwim?
Amee says:
*nods*
Amee says:
I think that memorial is a good idea
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
i also told her if she finds someone else online who is abused and suicidal to try to get their real name
steve says:
so if they die we can expoese their abusers at least
steve says:
she liked that idea too
Amee says:
And save the messages which connect that person to that diary. Very important
steve says:
?
Amee says:
Otherwise you'll have no way to prove that was the abused person.
Amee says:
EG, if somebody died and I hated his/her family's guts, I could go online, find someone depressed with the same age, and claim that was the person
Amee says:
Luckily I wouldn't have proof of it. So I couldn't just destroy any family that way
steve says:
hmmm
steve says:
k
Amee says:
I think it'd be pretty easy to send a note/email saying "Hey, I saw your diary entry at (enter addy here) - looks like you're having a tough time)" or sommat
Amee says:
Then later on you can refer to those as evidence of a connection between the person and the diary
Amee says:
Otherwise you can't report anything because it could be anybody. It doesn't take many personal details
steve says:
k
steve says:
good idea

===

steve says:
so how is the new school going
Amee F. says:
It's pretty good - the children don't live in terror there
Amee F. says:
Much more room for personal growth. A lot of free-play
steve says:
k
steve says:
how are things with u and rich
Amee F. says:
We had a really good bonding day yesterday
Amee F. says:
Sometimes I still feel like if I tell him how I feel, he doesn't want to listen and gets defensive
Amee F. says:
But I try to say "I don't mean to attack you, I just feel bad.", etc
steve says:
yeah
Amee F. says:
I think I try pretty hard, y'know? I don't think I'm that bad at this
Amee F. says:
But sometimes I worry, and sometimes it seems like I'm not doing things right
steve says:
yeah

Amee F. says:
But anyway, things are pretty much ok here. I miss my dog and I feel bad about not having any of my own money, and those are the only real problems right now
Amee F. says:
Oh, I found some old writing from when I was 13
Amee F. says:
I'll send you some of it
Amee F. says:
You will now know exactly how to define teen melodrama (joking)
steve says:
k
Amee F. says:
Glad you sound better than last time.
steve says:
do I?
Amee says:
You were tired and just wanted to curl up and cry
steve says:
ah

steve says:
k
steve says:
u were never raped were u?
Amee F. says:
No, not even once
Amee F. says:
lol
Amee F. says:
I say that as if it's a normal thing to get raped
Amee F. says:
I just know so many girls who have
Amee F. says:
You might say emotionally, I was raped. People used me for their own emotional gratification
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
like who
Amee F. says:
My dad mostly
Amee F. says:
He used to tell me all his worries, problems, and fears when I was about 5 or 6
Amee F. says:
Including that my mum was fucking other guys, in graphic detail
Amee F. says:
I remember having this kind of feeling like, "...Why are you telling me this?"
steve says:
yeah
Amee F. says:
I felt as if it was completely irrelevant to me. Not particularly interesting, HIS fear not mine, and more than a little disturbing
Amee F. says:
I guess as time went on I turned into the family's little pin-cushion
Amee F. says:
I wanted to tell you, btw, I talked to my granny yesterday, who my mum and I lived with for a while. She apologised for how she treated me as a kid!
Amee F. says:
I didn't ask her to or anything
Amee F. says:
My parents have started doing that too
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
that is cool
steve says:
how do u feel about it
Amee F. says:
I'm not sure. A little relieved, I guess
Amee F. says:
I always knew it was wrong, but it means something that they've admitted it
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
it helps
Amee F. says:
I think they've realised I'm fighting for children's rights, and they know why I've decided to do that with my life
steve says:
k
steve says:
but please say needs instead of rights
Amee F. says:
*nods* ok
Amee F. says:
I've been working on it
steve says:
do u know why i make the distinction?
Amee F. says:
Because you can deny a "right"
Amee F. says:
But children are still starving in some places...those are very widely understood needs, and people still don't connect
steve says:
yeah and people have different individual needs
steve says:
even if adults talk about equal rights for kids
Amee F. says:
We use the term "equal concern" here
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
what is that supposed to mean
Amee F. says:
Basically, you look at people's needs and try to treat them with "equal concern..." try to meet all their needs as much as anyone else's
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
okay but some kids are special
Amee F. says:
So the other kids shouldn't be given as much a chance as them...?
steve says:
so i still don't totally like that
Amee F. says:
I think it's more, ALL kids are special. SOME kids are the type that you, personally, connect with - and you have to be careful with those
Amee F. says:
Because you could end up neglecting others, or doing things that *you* want for the child, rather than meeting it's needs
steve says:
yeah
Amee F. says:
It's a tough call, because protection of these little things that you love is part of your own emotional needs
steve says:
true
Amee F. says:
Do you feel lectured to at all? 1-10?
steve says:
no
steve says:
but the scale is 0-10
steve says:
lol
Amee F. says:
lol, you're right
steve says:
like if i said how much do u feel hated by me!
steve says:
i hope it would be 0!!
steve says:
and i want my friends to feel judged 0 etc
steve says:
k
Amee F. says:
Y'know, I want my friend xxx (13 or 14 year old?) to start talking to you but I don't know how to introduce the concept. She's one of those ones that Doesn't Need Help(!!) and takes things that way if you even mention them
steve says:
hmm
Amee F. says:
If I were even to mention that I *know* a guy who talks to teens, she'd equate that to "You're messed up, you need help."
steve says:
yeah
Amee F. says:
I guess people must've done that before
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
she sounds defensive
Amee F. says:
*nods*
steve says:
so she must have been attacked a lot
steve says:
probablly verbally
steve says:
it is hard to reach those pple- is she smart?
Amee F. says:
She seems so, yeah. And she can be a really sweet girl
Amee F. says:
But it's hard to talk to her because I never know when she'll blow up over something
steve says:
hmm
steve says:
sounds like my friend xxx
Amee F. says:
She the one that leaves lots of notes for you?
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
she also says she doesnt need help
Amee F. says:
Seems like a smart, but sort of proud girl, who holds many opinions
Amee F. says:
Which isn't a bad thing
steve says:
is it pride or a combination of a desire and need to feel independent yet a feeling of insecurity at the same time
Amee F. says:
I think she's a little bit proud, or else she wouldn't value her opinions that way. Maybe I should say confident instead of proud, because of the way "pride" is usually considered?
Amee F. says:
I know when I was younger I wanted my emotions and opinions to make a mark on things; I didn't want to just be gone and forgotten someday
Amee F. says:
So that may be partial insecurity
steve says:
hey i really better go now
steve says:
xxx just came online and i need to talk to her
Amee F. says:
oki, I'll ttyl sugah
steve says:
k
steve says:
bye for now
Amee F. says:
bye
steve says:
bye

===

Amee F. sagt:
Hey, I told someone about the amygdala today
steve sagt:
oh yeah
steve sagt:
who and what did u say
Amee F. sagt:
Yeah, she was telling me that she's going to court because she was attacked & fought back a bit more than necessary...gave broken ribs and a concussion. She didn't know she was doing so much damage, but by that time she says she "just snapped"
Amee F. sagt:
So I explained the general stuff about "emotional hijacking" to her
Amee F. sagt:
Told her that since the emotional brain is the oldest part of the brain and has to sift through every experience quickly before it's thought over, in order to ensure a fast response to danger, her first reaction would've been a simple "fight or flight" style reflex
steve sagt:
yep
steve sagt:
good memory!
Amee F. sagt:
*smile* Thanks.
Amee F. sagt:
And by the time that'd worn off, adrenalyne would've kept her going
steve sagt:
it does help when we understand why we do things
steve sagt:
at least for me it does
Amee F. sagt:
*nods* I find the same thing
steve sagt:
so we dont just think we are bad people
Amee F. sagt:
I respond better to others now, too
steve sagt:
how so
Amee F. sagt:
The latest one would take some background explaination, and that'd probably upset you
Amee F. sagt:
Wanna hear?
steve sagt:
sure
Amee F. sagt:
About a week ago, two little girls disappeared, causing a whole big search to go on. By the weekend the authorities were saying they might've been taken overseas
Amee F. sagt:
But this week, two kidnap suspects were arrested, and yesterday, two little bodies were found in a secluded area. I don't know about the news today, but it hadn't been confirmed yesterday that the bodies were theirs.
Amee F. sagt:
The suspects are a man who works as a coordinator at the girls' school...the other is his fiancee, who works as a teaching assistant in their class
steve sagt:
wow
Amee F. sagt:
Well, you know me. I was upset to hear about the bodies, but I don't believe in "punishment", I believe in treatment. I think a person has to be seriously mentally ill to do anything like that
Amee F. sagt:
Not so, my family. Mike, my soon to be father-in-law, claims he "Hopes they castrate the guy...and give the woman...a really hard time."
steve sagt:
yeah
Amee F. sagt:
At first I was kinda offended by such aggression. I always feel it makes things worse...but then I realised it's just protective instincts, and I can't blame him for that
steve sagt:
yeah
steve sagt:
primitive ones
Amee F. sagt:
Primitive instincts are often the hardest to conquer, aren't they?
steve sagt:
yeah
Amee F. sagt:
And even then, it's really scary at first to live without them. Those are the ones that "feel" very strongly - they tell us whether we're "good" or "evil"
steve sagt:
yeah
Amee F. sagt:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2201641.stm ... that's got the full story on the girls
steve sagt:
k
steve sagt:
wow
steve sagt:
i dont know amee
steve sagt:
i am not sure i can cry any more sometimes
Amee F. sagt:
*hugs* Unfortunately, these things happen enough that we get used to them
Amee F. sagt:
If you can't cry, try and think of a way to protect the ones we still have
Amee F. sagt:
I didn't cry either, btw
steve sagt:
u know what made me cry today.....
Amee F. sagt:
hmm?
steve sagt:
when i told this girl briar that i admired her...
steve sagt:
she goes "that is the first time anyone has ever said that"
steve sagt:
she is almost 16
steve sagt:
how could someoone go through life and never hear those words said to them?!
steve sagt:
it is fucking sad amee
steve sagt:
fucking sad
steve sagt:
did u ever hear them when u were growing up?
Amee F. sagt:
*nods*
Amee F. sagt:
Similar things. Dad used to say I was "Damn near perfect" and that he was proud of me
Amee F. sagt:
He said I was talented in so many ways, that he loved me, and that I was a smart girl
steve sagt:
did u believe him when he said those things or how did u feel
Amee F. sagt:
When I was little I believed without doubt. When he was angry, I knew what'd made him angry, and honestly believed that I was being punished for a temporary case of being "bad"
Amee F. sagt:
I knew, when I was little, that the bad went away though.
Amee F. sagt:
Later on it wasn't so easy. He got into drugs, and I understood that well for a 6 year old. I knew it made him act funny, but it still hurt when he said I was a really bad kid.
Amee F. sagt:
I understand now that he was easy to frustrate and very, very ill
Amee F. sagt:
But when I hit teenage years, and he was at the peak of addiction, he used to say terrible things to me, like I was incompetant, that I'd always been a terrible child, that I wouldn't eat when I was supposed to, I wouldn't take baths and I'd always run away from him...
Amee F. sagt:
He was talking about when I was like...3
steve sagt:
wow
steve sagt:
hey now u know me... i want to show all these things to the world...
steve sagt:
can i put that on my site
Amee F. sagt:
Of course
steve sagt:
can i use ur name
Amee F. sagt:
Yep
steve sagt:
do i know ur last name?
steve sagt:
lol
Amee F. sagt:
I don't know.
Amee F. sagt:
It's Flynn.
Amee F. sagt:
It won't be for long tho
steve sagt:
lol
steve sagt:
no?
Amee F. sagt:
no
steve sagt:
how long then???
Amee F. sagt:
The next couple months, probably. it'll be a couple years before Dad is recovered enough to get over here for a proper celebration
steve sagt:
k
Amee F. sagt:
I've asked for an amethyst ring
Amee F. sagt:
I like them better than diamonds
steve sagt:
lol
steve sagt:
how come
Amee F. sagt:
Violet and lavendar are just about my favourite colours, with silver and black coming in somewhere afterwards
Amee F. sagt:
Usually with violet or lavendar
steve sagt:
k
steve sagt:
hey how old are u
Amee F. sagt:
20
steve sagt:
ok
steve sagt:
cuz i really might start a page on u
steve sagt:
is that ok with u
Amee F. sagt:
No problems here
steve sagt:
k
steve sagt:
u can always tell me if there is something u dont like

steve sagt:
anyhow. i am sooooo sleepy
steve sagt:
it is later here
Amee F. sagt:
oki
Amee F. sagt:
*hugs* Take care
steve sagt:
thanks
steve sagt:
hugs back
steve sagt:
bye
Amee F. sagt:
TTYL