Emotional Intelligence Home Page

 

This is a continuation of Page 2 on Brooke

I wanted to point out to Brooke that when she says "Steve..." It usually means she is starting to feel defensive. And also I notice that when she says "its called..." she is getting defensive and feeling superior and annoyed and sarcastic. Here are more copies of our chat and my comments.

steve says:
y are u christian though?
Brooke says:
because i believe in it and i believe in Jesus
steve says:
but why
Brooke says:
steve it is a thing called faith
Brooke says:
i believe it because it is true
Notice also that she is already saying "because it is true". She doesn't say "because it is what I was taught and I don't know much about Buddhism or Hinduism or Zoroaster or Islam or Confucius or Thoreau or Camus or Sartre. She doesn't even know who some of these people are. So how could she even know that she doesn't know about them and their ideas? Yet at 13, she says "I believe it because it is true." Nor does she say "I believe it because it all makes sense". Like the part about the snake talking to Eve? And Eve coming from Adam's rib? And the Tower of Babel? Or doesn't anything in the Old Testament count? If it doesn't then how can we believe what Jesus said? He was prophesized in the Old Testament wasn't he? And didn't he use it as a base for his teachings? I wonder if Brooke thinks Maria was a virgin, like the majority of people in South America do. Brooke is a pretty intelligent, logical person. I wonder if that seems logical to her.
steve says:
why do u have faith in that instead of in some other religion?
Brooke says:
steve that is like me asking you why you feel the need to help others
steve says:
lol
Brooke says:
well it is
steve says:
um no i dont think so...but go ahead
Brooke says:
okay
steve says:
how is it?
Here she doesn't want to answer my question,
so she tries to avoid it by turning it around and
saying "That is like me asking you....

She also says "Steve.." again. When people say
"Steve.. " I usually sense a lecture coming next!

And instead of asking me why I laughed, she just repeats herself by saying "Well it is." This is a little sign of defensiveness.

So then when I said "I don't think so... but go ahead", she could have said "Why don't you think so?" But instead she kept trying to convince me she was right. And since I have realized there is no point in arguing with Christians, and also because I was curious to hear what she would say, I encouraged her to keep talking by saying "how is it?"

Brooke says:
let me see.. i remember asking you why you feel such the need to do this and you said you don't know
Brooke says:
hmm..
steve says:
lol
steve says:
i think thats a better answer than faith
Then she has to think about it and try and come up with something fast.

Then she realizes that's not a very good comparison and says "hmm"

Then I said I think it is a better answer to say "I don't know than to tell someone "It's a thing called faith". Saying that to someone is pretty condescending, really, and therefore could been received as insulting and offensive. I really don't want to see Brooke continuing to repeat things like this when she is talking for the rest of her life. She got this straight from the Christians. Atheists typically won't say "its a thing called faith." They either say they don't know or they try to come up with better explanations.

steve says:
lol
Brooke says:
well i don't
Brooke says:
lol
steve says:
how come
Brooke says:
i just don't lol
steve says:
like i said.. Brooke cant explain things very well
steve says:
lol
steve says:
sorry that was kind of mean
Brooke says:
i know that is why i laughed
steve says:
ok
So as you can see we are both laughing a lot. This is a game for us. We both like each other and respect each other. We are just playing. Like two puppie dogs. We are both enjoying a bit of mental challenge.

So then when I ask Brooke why she doesn't think it is a better answer, she says "I just dont" and she laughs at herself. Something else I love about her. She can still laugh at herself. I hope she always keeps this healthy, refreshing trait.

Then I remember what I wrote earlier, that she can't explain things well. So I drop that on her, but then feel bad because it was a little hurtful and not just playing. But she took it very well. She's what we have to call a good sport. Or so it seems from my view. I haven't actually seen her compete in sports!

steve says:
do u feel a little defensive
Brooke says:
defensive of what exactly?
steve says:
of me challenging ur beliefs
Brooke says:
well i'm defending my beliefs... would that be called defensive?
So I am afraid she is starting to feel defensive, so I ask her. She isn't use to this kind of question. Not many 13 year olds are of course, unless they have been chatting with me. lol. So she tries to clarify it.

When I explain she gives me a rational answer and wants to confirm it on an intellectual basis instead of responding on a feelings level.

I don't think Brooke really knows when she is feeling defensive, or much of anything else. I am trying to bring her a little closer to her feelings little by little Only time will tell what the result will be. We may stop talking or we may stay good friends and she maybe one of my best students and may even come work with me one day and teach others.

Brooke says:
okay steve let me ask you something...
Brooke says:
why don't you believe in the bible?
steve says:
cuz there is too much stuff that a) doesnt make sense b) contradicts it self) c) is unhealthy for humans
steve says:
and d) cuz ive travelled to other countries where they teach other religions like they are the only truth
Notice she is still using my name. As if she were talking down to me. And she very smartly turns things around completely by going on the "offensive" and asking me why I don't believe in the bible.

So I try to give her some straight, direct answers and not be evasive or turn things around. This is a way you show respect to someone's questions, I'd say. And show that you are not not afraid of questions and not defensive or insecure about your beliefs.

 

We could say that at the young age of 13, Brooke is already very much "into her head." And would probably feel right at home in a university classroom. From her blog it is obvious that she is bored in school. She wants to learn. She likes learning. She likes using her mind. This is something else I love about her.

Here is more of the convo... no time to put my delightful comments in yet though!

This is a part where she had told me something which worried me about someone she felt very uncomfortable around. I asked her something and she didn't seem to want to answer...First she said "I am looking for the words..." then she went silent.....

steve says:
ok so r u thinking of how to say it or are u avoiding the question
Brooke says:
avoiding the question lol
steve says:
ok
steve says:
well that would be a good thing to write about sometime
steve says:
did u ever see the page on the professor at IU?
Brooke says:
noo...
steve says:
he sexually assaulted me
steve says:
is the legal term
steve says:
it was fucking gross
Brooke says:
totally agree
steve says:
im sure ull want to read this
steve says:
www.eqi.org/garnier.htm
steve says:
i never told anyone for like 20 years
steve says:
no one
steve says:
then i got in this mens support group and eventually told them
Brooke says:
wowza
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
i then once met a guy who was also sexually abused and he said something ill never forget
steve says:
he said the more u tell people about it, the easier it gets to talk about it
steve says:
but its hard for me to tell u now, cuz i care about u and i dont want something like that to have happened to u or to happen ever
Brooke says:
awww that's so sweet *hugs*
steve says:
i was just thinking this is the time to send a hug
Brooke says:
lol
steve says:
smile

Just one comment. I really did sense that that would be a time to send me a hug and sure enough she was sending one. This is what I mean when I say Brooke is instinctively empathetic and I would also say emotionally intelligent by birth, but just not trained in emotional stuff.

steve says:
ive got hope for u Brooke
steve says:
i dont have hope for many pple who say they are christians
Brooke says:
that's a little sad to hear
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
i want to show u something from the bible
steve says:
can i?
Brooke says:
sure
steve says:
A Rebellious Son


Deuteronomy 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

Brooke says:
hey that is back in the old testament
Brooke says:
that is not what they believe now
Brooke says:
okay?
steve says:
no not really...
steve says:
but i wont argue right now
Brooke says:
phew
steve says:
tell me this tho
steve says:
do u think i am going to hell cuz i dont accept that jesus was the son of god
Brooke says:
yes steve i do
steve says:
really or are u just giving me a hard time
Brooke says:
really
steve says:
wow
Brooke says:
ur a great person but...
steve says:
do u think all the people in china and india and malasyia and indonesia are going to hell then
Brooke says:
steve...
steve says:
Brooke...
Brooke says:
lol
Brooke says:
there are christians there so not all... steve..
steve says:
ok so all the ones who arent christians are going to hell

Now here I have so say I missed something. Brooke had added the ...steve... part to her last line intenionally to provoke me, and I totally missed it. or i would have written "ok so all the ones who arent christians are going to hell...brooke..." lol

 

Brooke says:
yes sir i believe so... from what i know
steve says:
even if they never meet a christian in their lives to tell them the "Good News"
Brooke says:
we have no clue steve... i have gotten into arguements before about just that
Brooke says:
we don't know what will happen to them
steve says:
wait.... im not letting u off on that... what do u mean we dont know
steve says:
u just said i was going to hell
steve says:
am i or arent i!
steve says:
lol
Brooke says:
steve it depends on what happens in ur future... maybe somebody will show you something...
steve says:
ok so lets say i die an atheiest
steve says:
then im going to hell?
Brooke says:
yeah
steve says:
lol
steve says:
okay
Brooke says:
and NO i have NOT been brainwashed
steve says:
nope
Brooke says:
i made this decision myself
steve says:
not at all
Brooke says:
lol
steve says:
yep
Brooke says:
was that sarcasm?
steve says:
thats what all brainwashed pple say
Brooke says:
STEVE!!!
steve says:
do u think a brainwashed person would say "yep i've been brainwashed"?
Brooke says:
okay steve this is getting way out of hand....
steve says:
lol
steve says:
how are u feeling
Brooke says:
frustrated lol
steve says:
yeah
steve says:
that was good
steve says:
ur not alexithymic
steve says:
whew
Brooke says:
rar
steve says:
lol

 


More questions for Brooke

If our conscience comes from the bible does that mean that anyone who has never seen the bible has no conscience? And if that is true than how can u explain atheists who don't hurt people, steal, lie etc?