| EQI.org Home Feeling
Defensive, Sex, Culture, Education, EI and World
Leadership The other day I talked to a 20 year old from the USA. He told me how "hot" the females are here in Ecuador. He is planning to go to law school when he returns to the US and finishes college. He now goes to an expensive private school in California. He is here for three months to learn Spanish. He has a girlfriend back home. I asked him if he would sleep with someone here if he had the chance. He said, "Of course." Then I asked if he would feel guilty about it. He replied: "Would I have anything to feel guilty for?" I didn't answer him. He quickly added, "Would I have done anything wrong?" I still did not answer him. Then he added, "Should I feel guilty?" I laughed and complimented him on how well he has learned the American ways of defending himself. Then I asked how his girlfriend would feel if he slept with someone else. He said, "How would your girlfriend feel if you slept with someone else?" I joked that I wished I had a girlfriend at all, let alone one girlfriend and another female interested in sleeping with me! Then he said, "How would she even know about it?" So I said, "Would you lie to her if she called you one night when you were out with someone else, then later asked where you were?" He asked if it would be better to lie to her or to let her be hurt. We talked about all of this for a while, but before we reached any profound conclusions we were interrupted. I am writing about this now because I believe it is an important reflection of the US and other cultures. Cultures where people have been verbally attacked so many times they have become experts at defending themselves and avoiding any real feelings or sense of conscience. Cultures where they have been raised to be emotionally needy and to believe the answer is a physically attractive member of the opposite sex or a high paying job. Cultures where they have learned to answer questions with questions, to put the other person on the defensive, and to believe it is better to lie than tell someone the truth which will hurt them. This young person is very intelligent - in the IQ sense, at least. He is the product of what many would call a "good" education in the world's wealthiest and most powerful country. He is going to one of the "best" schools in California. I am sure he will get admitted to law school and become a lawyer if he stays on his current path. And I am sure he will be financially successful. Isn't this the goal of education these days? But has he really been educated? His cognitive skills have been developed -- that's for sure. But has his emotional intelligence been developed...or has it been corrupted by his culture? For the time being, the USA is still a world leader. But in which direction? Towards a more humane world? A world where feelings and love are valued? Or where people learn sophisticated ways to defend themselves, kill others, invade countries (and justify it later), and where they learn to numb their own feelings by constantly thinking of more important things like grades, standardized test scores, entrance exams, starting salaries, passing more laws to control peoples' private behavior, clothes, cars, sex, "success", athletic competitions and advanced degrees? (Some of the person's details were changed to protect his identity) S. Hein
W |
Other EQI.org Topics: Emotional
Intelligence | Empathy Search EQI.org | Support EQI.org
|