Emotional Intelligence | Stevehein.com



behavior, needs, interpretations,

thatīs rubbish, you canīt say that and then eat meat from cows.

insanity – trying the same thing expecting different results

trying to ignore me, trying not to think about it, trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.

business as usual.

after sept 11 the president want to get back to business as usual. ie not stop to learn anything.

what does it mean to be American?

what does it mean to be a human?

what do humans believe?

what is important to humans?

what do they feel motivated by?

what do they need?

design an emotionally rewarding life. but what if what you find rewarding is illegal?

teaching about evolution for example? teaching sex education?

going to cuba?

hugging children who are crying?


The other day I was talking to someone who was telling me that here in Argentina people eat llama meat. In other words, some people raise llamas specifically so they can be killed and eaten. I said “I feel bad when I think of them killing the poor llamas.” My friend said “That’s rubbish! You can’t feel bad for the llamas if you don’t feel bad for the cows.”

But I do feel bad for the llamas. I also feel bad for the cows, but it hurts me more to think of the llamas being killed.

I feel pain now because I want to explain why I feel more pain when I think of llamas being killed than I do for the cows. I feel pain because it will take a long time to explain and I feel frustrated that I didn’t feel understood when my friend said “That’s rubbish!” It is more painful because I had just tried to explain to him what invalidation is. It is more painful because he studied psychology and they didn’t teach him either the theory or the practice about validation and invalidation. Nor even basic listening skills and how to show understanding.

I don’t feel critical of my friend. I feel sadness that he was not taught these things. He is a smart person, by that I mean he is capable of learning. He is quite analytical, but also quite sensitive. He does little things like asks people to make a place for me when I come join the group at a table. We have good conversations. Some of the best I have had in a long time. I feel more accepted by him than judged and that helps me feel more emotionally fulfilled. He also invites me to things he is organizing, which helps me feel included and not rejected. And he spends time talking with me and when I say talking with me I mean it is a good balance between listening and talking.