EI J temp

this is for little bits

From May 5

Thinking about so many things. Mostly the so called EI test right now. Jack, David and Peter’s.

It’s seriously flawed. But I am having trouble putting my feelings and thoughts into words.

Problems

- They are calling normal intelligent.
- They are saying that answering questions on a test indicates real-life performance.
- They are now calling their test a test of emotional intelligence.
- I am not Jack.

Feel frustrated also because I don’t know where that quote is where Peter said something like their will never be a test of EI.

From june 12

(talking about Mayer, S and C.)

If they don’t know the pain of non conformity

being in a country where everyone calls themselves “Catholics”, likes to watch soccer and

What if you knew that inside the building people were getting raped.

They don’t feel pain everytime they walk past a church, a bar, a school or a university. They don’t feel pain everytime they see the flag of their country.

Someone in a hostal told me the US made it to the world cup finals. Then she added “But most people around the world want the Americans to lose.”

So what about conformity on a world community level? What if some of the American values and beliefs are not accepted as “correct” by the majority of the world’s population?

they put a lot of thought into it, but not much feeling.

(about the mayer salovey model)

When I try to write…

It’s too hard. too much energy, too much pain to push through the narrow pipelines to my fingers.

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You can’t understand emotional pain until you have felt it.

If you can’t understand emotional pain, you can’t fully understand emotions .

If you can’t understand emotions and emotional pain, you can’t completely understand emotional intelligence.

then I wrote edi75 about schools, soccer, suicide

June 9, 2006

7 AM

At art school – Luciano’s sister killed herself at 16. We were out in the patio talking about it and his teacher ordered him to get back to class.

The psychology student - told me “it’s not the family” see convo in google. When we met one of the first things she said was “why didn’t you put an ad in the other newspaper, more people read that one.” then her friend started to debate with her. I just kept quiet.

How can I plan an emotionally rewarding life when I am in an emotional desert? Put someone in the desert and watch them suffer and call them stupid. Then when they get to an oasis and a tree which provides shade, take it away from them, then call them stupid if they cry out in agony from being robbed of what they need to live.

In Argentina everyone is going to be watching soccer. In the art school they were told to make art to support the soccer team. So they did.

Like when I was a teenager I was told to go to pep rallies and cheer for my team, so I did. I went along with the crowd, accepted their values – ie that winning football and basketball games was important.

How can a person design a life which fulfills them if they get no support?

How can they even know what they need? I didn’t know I was so different. John Lennon knew it when he was young. Like having the mark in the book Demian.

So I went to business school, worked in a corporation, but that didn’t fulfill me. Did I go to business school because I lacked emotional intelligence? Or because I had been taught that getting a high paying job was important? And that money = happiness?

What happens when you teach lies to emotionally intelligent people?

Do you say they are low in emotional intelligence if they feel discomfort and pain? If they want to get away from you? If they criticize you and seek the truth? If they follow their heart and not you?

What if someone went to a school in Argentina during the month of the world cup and said that it was more important to try to save the life of the next classmate who is thinking of suicide than watch soccer games on TV? And that it really didn’t matter who one the world cup because the world won’t be a better place no matter who wins it?

What teacher, who was lived all their life in Argentina and was taught in the Argentine educational system would support me? What school director?

So if I feel pain from witnessing the masses of young people glued to the TV sets watching people kick a ball around, would it be fair to say that I suffer from a deficit emotional intelligence because I don’t join the crowd and cheer for Argentina to win?
Why don’t schools teach what is important?

That question would take a long time to answer.

In other countries art students would be less likely to be interested in soccer, but here nearly everyone has been brainwashed to think that winning the world cup is really something important. More important than the life of one of their classmates. I am not exaggerating this time. This is not a fictional story like the girl on the island.

This is reality. I saw it first hand yesterday. I will try again today to find someone who thinks saving someone’s life is more important than a soccer match, but if I don’t find someone and I feel discouraged will it be because I have low emotional intelligence?

Would a more emotionally intelligent person just give up? So they wouldn’t have to keep suffering?

What would an emotionally intelligent person do, Jack? David? Peter? Reuven? Dan? Rob? Josh? I’d like to ask all the experts to see if I could get any answers which I could call “intelligent.”

The psych student told me I shouldn’t just criticize things I should offer my own theory. But that is kind of like saying if you are on a sinking ship you should be designing a new boat instead of trying to save yourself and tell others the boat is sinking.

Or let’s say that there are holes in the boat… Someone wrote the other day and say the Mayer Salovey Caruso model of EI has a lot of holes in it So that is an interesting metaphor or whatever you call it

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6/9/2006 9:04:01 AM

on way to jp school

in taxi

was paralyzed for a while. confused about busses. crouched down. held my head in my hands.

a guy came who looked like a police officer, who I thought was going to hassle me, so I got up, but he just said “do u feel okay?” he actually helped me out a little and didn’t say something controlling and useless like so many police officers do. something like “you can’t sit here. you’re blocking the sidewalk.”

while I crouched there I was wondering if I should go back and write, write about what it is like to start to go somewhere then get paralyzed and trapped inside your head, or whether I should go to the school and take a bus or taxi.

realized I can’t make decisions because I don’t know what is important. and because I am confused now and was lied to when I was young. confused. misdirected.

trying to make sense of things. painful when things don’t make sense. like killing and soccer.and schools. suicide soccer and schools. good article title.

I ask the taxi driver what day it is he says 9th. he knows because it is the first day of the world cup the mundial at 11:30 he tells me so I guess it s good for something.
ha ha

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so later I went to the school I wrote the last segment while in the taxi. it was more expensive than the bus but easier to write on my laptop and faster.

when I got to the school it wasn’t the right school. was confused again. disoriented. but I found the right school. talked to someone helpful. everyone in the school was helpful, seemed warm real, friendly, almost like a mirage now. too good to be true. the first person took me to the director. she was a human being. stopped to talk to a girl who seemed troubled. talked to her with concern, caring, not control. took me to meet E the English teacher. she let me visit her first class a few minutes. then she introduced me to another English teacher. talked to her about teen suicide. she understood because she said she related and went through something similar as a teen. she let me talk to the classes about it. I talked to three classes about it total. most ive’ ever talked to in one day. would like to make a career out of talking to highschools about suicide.

so almost didn’t go that morning, but it turned out to go well. better than I could have hoped for. might be able to talk to teacher E again. she and the other one invited me back. C said her class wanted me back and wanted me to go to another class. glad someone appreciates me a bit. people are smarter here than in peru so it is easier to find pple who appreciate me. still hard, but easier.

talked to a girl around 15 who tried to kill herself in the school. alex said his gf’s cousin killed herself. I told him almost everyone here knows someone who killed themselves so he asked her and found I wasn’t exaggerating.

today is the 11th now. had a really good visit with N. she is so easy to be around. helpful, fun, positive, playful, smart, catches on quick. walks fast. (unlike poor laura from peru). what a difference one person can make. last night was feeling suicidal again. was in such a bitter mood this morning. its all gone now. felt resentful about not being invited somewhere but it worked out ok cuz I had more fun than if I would have if I’d have gone with the others. N made more progress on my plan to teach English to some poor kids.

to kind of summarize… last night was supposed to have a convo group. felt depressed tho and laid down. fell asleep overslept. arrived late. 5 pple left before I got there. ariel, Nicholas gave me the disapproving, disdainful look. instead of asking how I was and why I was late, they judged me. how sad we think it is more important to be on time than to be alive.

if I did kill myself they wouldn’t feel at all responsible. they wouldn’t understand. they would judge me after I was dead. I don’t want that to happen. I want pple to know why a person kills themselves. I want to make it very clear. so clear even a psychology student might understand. ha ha might. with a capital m. poor psychology students. so misguided.

l doesn’t have much of a clue why someone would kill themselves either.

so saturday night laura didn’t help me cook. didn’t call me. didn’t even return my text later in the night. neither did andrea. A was at my place but didn’t invite me to go with them to Vaqueros…. still wondering why. Would like to know but chances of getting an honest answer are slim to none.

then Federico came with a friend. the friend wanted to go to a boliche. discotech. loud music. drinking and dancing. 10 pesos cover. you can get a room for the night for 10 pesos in the hotel royal.