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Unwanted Hugs From Parents and Others

April 2018 Update


This is something I have been meaning to write about for a long time...

I was motivated to start it today because of this chat between two people in our teen support group

Steve: did u get any hugs today?

Marcella: one. and it was unwanted.. from my dad

Marcella: i never want a hug from my parents

...continued below

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Marcella: and then there was subsequently an episode

Marcella: RIGHT after that unwanted hug.

Marcella: this is why i dont like getting days off from school...

Steve: what happened?

Marcella: well my dad asked if i was ok.

Marcella: and i kept saying "I was fine." (With "leave me alone" subtext)

Marcella: i had said it w/ a blank face and w/out feeling so he made my mom come in my room and see

Marcella: and then she brought me into the kitchen and told me to stop acting the way that i do

Marcella: which was not smiling or talking around them.

Marcella: i dont feel emotionally safe enough to do those things though

Marcella: the only time i do is when I'm in school, away from them.

Steve: yeah

Steve: then what

Marcella: she said that i was acting that way because i "heard something i wasnt supposed to and cant mind my business"

Marcella: which is a load of bullcrap btw

Marcella: she just doesnt care about me. she doesnt understand me and she always sides w/ him.

Marcella: so can u blame me if im not open w/ them anymore?

Steve: nope

Marcella: i really wanna get put into a foster home but its getting so complicated.

Marcella: child protective services is still investigating and they already are reluctant to remove me. so what the hell am i supposed to do?

Steve: yeah

Marcella: im gonna google unwanted hugs too

Marcella: About 1,570,000 results

April 2999 Update - Unwanted hugs from Grandparents


Steve: so when was the last time u got a real hug?

chestnut: well my grandma always hugs

chestnut: but I dont really like hugging her

Steve: i wanna show u something.

chestnut: oh okay

Steve: http://eqi.org/hugs_unwanted.htm

chestnut: here looking at it now

Steve: k

chestnut: oh wow

chestnut: I didnt realize these were things

Steve: yeah - i never thought about it either till i started talking to teens

chestnut: that like totally is me with my grandma

Steve: I'd like to add ur story if it is ok with u

chestnut: sure

Steve: ok so what if u tell me more about it while i start working on the file

chestnut: sure

chestnut: um so I get hugged by my grandparents whenever I see them

chestnut: We have to hug when we meet and say goodbye

chestnut: and it's totally not my thing

chestnut: y'know

chestnut: and thankfully my parents don't really do hugs


Chestnut is a 14 year old girl in the USA

Hug Rape

Definition from urbandictionary

- an unwanted or unexpected hug by a person...or persons, that cannot be gotten out of.

- unwanted hugs, especially after you have said no.