Appropriate/Inappropriate

* under construction

Introduction

This is a collection of writing about the words "appropriate" and "inappropriate". These words are too subjective. Also, they are typically used by authority figures to justify their actions. But they don't really say anything.

Too many people use the words instead of giving real explanations or what could be called "intelligent answers."

From a book on parenting

From the book "Saving Jessie"

Excerpt from an article about the no-touching rule at a school in the USA

--

Page 2

Goleman's using the word inappropriate in his old "EI test" from Utne Reader

More subjective words

Latest items - Nov 15, 2007, Feb 21

Is Jail "Appropriate" for Someone Who Doesn't Like School?

YouTube says Hillary Adams video is "inappropriate"

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Here is a quote a book on parenting

- Never hit or physically touch your teenager in any inappropriate or hurtful manner. This is called abuse, and you can be put in jail for such treatment.

Notice the author's use of the word inappropriate. What if the parent thinks they hit the person in an "appropriate" way? Who is to decide?

A suggestion for the author might be to add this to the list of recommendations to parents:

- Don't use subjective, parental-sounding words like appropriate and inappropriate.

A school website says:

Consistent and persistent willful violation of the school attendance policies will result in appropriate disciplinary action and legal referral for habitual truancy...

Among this "appropriate" punishment is jail as we see...

The law provides new dispositions to the court including: fines up to $500; imprisonment

Again, who decides what is "appropriate?" Or a better question is, what emotional needs will be met in jail? And will jail magically cause a student to love school and learning?

Source: West Bend High School, USA

YouTube says Hillary Adams video is "inappropriate" - but beating her was apparently ok, according to her father. A man who was very successful by most American definitions. He went to law school, jumped through the hoops and then became a judge. But even being judge didn't satisfy his need for power.

So a child or teenager can't know what is happening in other homes. That is "inappropriate" according to someone you can't talk to at YouTube. Someone who has power over what you do. When are people going to have control over their own lives? And over the information they need... And the USA calls itself a free country....YouTube is based in California, by the way, not North Korea.

Here is the letter they sent to me, and my response.

Who decides what is appropriate for your teen?

As parents I believe we hand over too much of our parental authority to the society as a whole. Even I have been guilty of this sin. Just the other day I picked up my daughters teen book to a random page and was met with a profanity. I forbid any more books from that series. While some think that is harsh, and it very well might be, I just don't think an almost 13 year old girl needs to be filling her head with curse words as before long, the words will come spilling back out.

So what is a parent to do when these ratings are nationally accepted and you and your child will be labeled as prude for having tighter restrictions than society dictates? Well, that's up to you the parent which is exactly my point. You may decide these things are OK. That is your prerogative. You may also decide that your 13 to 17 year old should be restricted to PG 13 movies when their friends are watching R-rated movies. You may decide your kids need a new group of friends.

from: http://parenting.families.com/blog/who-decides-what-is-appropriate-for-your-teen# 

People who use the word "appropriate" usually seem to believe they know what is "appropriate" for others.

I have also noticed that such people tend to be judgmental, self-righteous, and rigid in their thinking. Consider the child who is told, "Your behavior is not appropriate." The child doesn't understand what is wrong, though, since this is no explanation at all. It is simply a slightly more refined way of saying "Because I said so." - S. Hein

Comments by S. Hein

Here is a good example of how the words appropriate and inappropriate are used. It starts out with this:

Then it says this:

One might ask "Who decides what is appropriate or inappropriate?" Here is the answer to that question.

Northwestern, by the way, has the reputation of being a university where some of the most intelligent young people in America, and from around the world, are admitted.

http://www.northeastern.edu/its/policies/aup/

Read more of the policy

The book "Saving Jessie" was written by a mother about her daughter's use of heroin. Unintentionally, the mother shows the reader the many ways that the mother herself actually caused her daugther extreme emotional pain - pain which directly led to the daughter's need to use something as strong as heroin to numb herself.

In the book, the mother frequently talks about what was "appropriate" and "inappropriate" rather than giving real explanations or expressing her actual feelings and taking responsibility for them.

Here are notes from the book

Reading this letter again a few years later triggers a strong feeling of hostility towards this person and to all over-educated (university wise) people like this. I guess that is all I will say about it. But it saddens me and sickens me to think this is the kind of person many universities produce. I feel offended that this person didn't get why I wrote to everyone. I only did so after the university ignored me. This person scares me. These kind of people scare me. I honestly say I hope this person doesn't become a parent. It offends me that he or she said they are sympathetic to my cause. Is that the sense you get when you read the letter? It sure as hell wasn't the sense I got then and not the sense I get now. S. Hein July 2007

I am still thinking about this letter. How this person asked a question and answered "of course not". This is offensive to me. This person sounds like a university professor already, giving a long lecture with almost no sense,or concern, with how the audience is feeling. How many university professors really care about their students? Too few I'd say. Especially in huge universities like the one I went to.

Unlike some schools in the Washington area, which ban fighting or inappropriate touching, Kilmer Middle School in Vienna bans all touching — and that has some parents lobbying for a change.

Hugging was Hal Beaulieu's crime when he sat next to his girlfriend at lunch a few months ago and put his arm around her shoulder

From http://eqi.org/educ5.htm

Again, who decides what is "inappropriate" and how do we know they are right?

After a confused, tired Polish man who could not speak English was killed with a taser gun by the police in the airport in Canada, an airport authority said:

"In terms of safety and security of the public and people that work here and our employees, we're confident that the safety and security procedures we have are appropriate."

Full article

See also page 2

Today I started a page on what I call "decoding". The first 49 items are all from the same person. This is a person who frequently uses the words "appropriate" and "inappropriate".

She wrote back this message

Steve,

I define inappropriate as comments that are not to be talked about in the environment the individual is in at that current moment.

Vicky

So I wrote this back to her...

ok but can you explain more what you mean by "not to be talked about" - why
aren't they to be talked about? and what should be done, if anything,
when someone talks about something you think are not to be talked about?

how do we know, for example, when they are not to be talked about? who
decides this?
what if a few people think its ok to talk about them and a few or one or
two dont? should the majority rule? should there be a vote on it?

and if they vote to allow people to talk about whatever it is, will it
still make it ok for the person who doesn't feel comfortable with it?
should that person just be quiet or what should they do if the others
have a legal right now to talk about it?

and what if on the other hand a few people don't want to talk about
something but one person does? what about the feelings of the person who
is in the minority? do they matter? does anyone's feelings matter in
these things?

i'd really like to know how you look at this cuz you said you are a genius
:)

s

Excerpts from The Northeastern University Appropriate Use Policy

(The policy is actually even longer than this)

4/23/07
The information systems of Northeastern University are intended for the use
of authorized members of the Northeastern community, in the conduct of
their academic and administrative work.

To protect the integrity of computing and information resources against
unauthorized or improper use, and to protect authorized users from the
effectsof unauthorized or improper usage, the University reserves the right,
with or without notice, to monitor, record, limit or restrict any account
holder's access and/or usage. The University may also monitor, record,
inspect, copy, remove or otherwise alter any data, file, or system resources.
The University reserves the right to periodically check these systems and to
take any other actions necessary to protect the computer, network and
telecommunications facilities. The University also retains access rights to all
files and electronic mail on its computing and network facilities. Anyone
using these systems or networks expressly consents to such monitoring.

Any unauthorized, inappropriate, illegal or illegitimate use of the University's
computing and information resources, or failure to comply with these
guidelines shall constitute a violation of University policy and will subject the
violator to disciplinary action by the University up to and including
termination of employment or relationship, and may result in legal action.

When a violation is identified, the appropriate system manager or unit head
will undertake a review and initiate action in accordance with University
policy. In addition, the University may require restitution for any use of
computer or network services that violates these guidelines. The University
may also provide evidence of possible illegal or criminal activity to law
enforcement authorities.

Notwithstanding any other provision of this policy, authorization to access
the information systems of Northeastern University ends at the termination
of employment, end of a recognized role or relationship, or loss of
sponsorship. Students may continue to use their Northeastern electronic
mail account for up to one (1) year after completion of requirements.

Any questions about this policy or the applicability of this policy to a
particular situation should be referred to the Director of Information
Security and Identity Services, or Director of Internal Audit.

The University's information systems consist of all networking, computing
and telecommunications wiring, equipment, networks, security devices,
servers, computer systems, computers, computer laboratory equipment,
workstations, Internet connection, cable television plant, and all other
intermediary equipment, services and facilities. These assets are the
property of Northeastern University. The Appropriate Use Policy describes
how these assets are permitted to be used.

1. Access to and use of Northeastern information systems is a privilege
granted by the University to its faculty, staff and students. Additional
electronic experiences as they may be offered to parents and extended
populations, are included under the access and use provisions of this
paragraph. Access for up to one academic year for others including
"sponsored" individuals whose relationship with Northeastern is a result of a
University recognized affiliation or relationship, must be approved by the
authorizing unit's Dean or Vice President. Such access may not be renewed
without the written approval of the Senior Vice President for Administration
and Finance. The University retains sole discretion over the extent to which
access privileges are granted and/or extended.

2. Users may only use those computer accounts and facilities that have
been authorized by the University for their use. Use of another person's
account, and/or security devices, the presentation of false or misleading
information or credentials for the purpose of obtaining access to information
systems, or unauthorized use of computing or electronic facilities, is
prohibited.

3. Users are responsible for all use of information systems conducted under
their user ID(s), and are expected to take all precautions including password
security and file protection measures to prevent use of their accounts and
files by unauthorized persons. Sharing of passwords is prohibited.

4. Users may not offer, provide, lend, rent or sell access to University
information systems. Users may not provide access to individuals outside
the University community. Expansion or redistribution of Northeastern's
networking and cable television services are not permitted. Personal, private
or departmental switches, routers, wireless access points or DHCP-serving
devices may not be connected to centrally-managed network segments,
except only as may be agreed to in writing between the device owner and
Information Services. For security reasons, dial-up modems may not be inuse
on computers while they are connected to the University network,
except only as may be required for bona fide academic or administrative
purposes, and where appropriate security measures are in place.

5. Use of University information systems for hosting non-University
activities must have the explicit written authorization of the Senior Vice
President for Administration and Finance prior to the use.

6. While the University attempts to protect electronic communication and
files from unauthorized access, this cannot be guaranteed. Users may not
access, copy or move files including, but not limited to programs, data and
electronic mail that belong to another account, without prior authorization
from the accountholder. Files may not be moved to other computer sites
without permission from the holder of the account under which the files
reside.

7. Users may not use remote resources such as printer and file systems,
regardless of location on or off the Northeastern network, unless the
administrator of the remote resource has first granted permission to do so.

8. Northeastern information systems may be used for lawful purposes only.
Users must not use their accounts or Northeastern information systems for
unlawful purposes, including, but not limited to the installation of
fraudulently or illegally obtained software, illegal dissemination of licensed
software, sharing of content where the disseminator does not hold lawful
intellectual property rights, or propagating chain letters, pyramid, ponzi,
other unlawful or deceptive schemes, or for any purpose contrary to local,
state, federal law or University Policy.

9. Use of University information systems must comply with the provisions of
copyright law and fair use. Copyright law limits the right of a user to
decrypt, copy, edit, transmit or retransmit another's intellectual property,
including written materials, images, sounds, music, and performances, even
in an educational context, without permission, except where such use is in
compliance with Fair Use or TEACH Act provisions.

10. Printed materials, computer equipment and storage media containing
sensitive and/or protected information, shall be handled in accordance with
Information Disposal Guidelines, Asset Disposition procedures, and
hazardous materials regulations.

11. Users are responsible for the timeliness, accuracy and
content/consequences of their web pages and other electronic writings.
Posting of personal, family or other identifying information is at the sole
discretion of the user, and is a discouraged practice.

12. The electronic privacy rights of others shall be respected at all times.
Use of audio, video, cell phone, "web cam" or related technologies, for the
purpose of capturing images and/or recording speech in locations or
circumstances where a reasonable expectation of privacy exists, is
prohibited without the consent of the subject(s) depicted and/or recorded.
This provision shall not apply to lawful surveillance conducted by
appropriate law enforcement agencies. The University reserves the right to
impose additional restrictions on the use of electronic recording devices, in
its sole discretion. Questions about the applicability of this provision to a
particular situation should be referred to the Office of University Counsel or
the Director of Information Security and Identity Services.

13. University information systems may not be used for commercial
purposes except only as permitted with explicit prior written approval of
University Counsel and the Senior Vice President for Administration and
Finance.

14. Internet use must comply with the Terms of Service stipulated by our
Internet service provider(s). These policies are incorporated by reference. In
addition, the acceptable use, Terms of Service and/or other policies of the
system(s) also bind users of the Internet connection and resources to which
they connect. At the time of this writing, the Internet service providers for
Northeastern University are Level3 Communications (www.level3.com),
Sprint (www.sprint.com), Northern Crossroads (www.nox.org), and Abilene
Network/Internet2 (abilene.internet2.edu).

15. Users may not use information systems irresponsibly, wastefully, or in a
manner that adversely affects the work or equipment of others at
Northeastern or on the Internet.

.
.
.

27. Use of Northeastern University information systems must comply with
all applicable local, state and federal laws, including, but not limited to, the
following which are incorporated herein by reference:
* Massachusetts General Laws Chapter 266, Sections 33(a) and
120(f), which imposes sanctions for, among other acts, destroying
electronically processed and stored data or gaining unauthorized access to a
database or computer system.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 1030 et seq., Computer Fraud
and Abuse Act, which imposes sanctions for, among other acts, knowingly
accessing a computer without authorization or in excess of authorized
access, knowingly causing damage to protected computers, or trafficking in
password information.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 2510 et seq., Electronic
Communications Privacy Act, which imposes sanctions for, among other
acts, interception of wire, oral or electronic communications.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 2701 et seq., Stored Wire and
Electronic Communications and Transactional Records Act, which imposes
sanctions for, among other acts, intentionally accessing without
authorization, a facility through which electronic communication service is
provided, or intentionally exceeding authorization to access a facility,
thereby obtaining, and thereby obtaining, altering, or preventing authorized
access to a wire or electronic communication while it is in electronic storage.
* United States Code, Title 47, Sec. 223 (H)(1) et seq.,
Communications Act of 1934 (Amended), which imposes sanctions for,
among other acts, use of any device or software that can be used to
originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are
transmitted in whole or in part by the internet, without disclosing the
sender´s identity, and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any
person who receives the communications.

NOTICE OF RIGHT TO CHANGE APPROPRIATE USE POLICY
The University reserves the right to change this policy or any portion of the
policy, at any time, without prior notice. Changes to this policy are effective
upon posting at http://www.infoservices.neu.edu, where the most current
version resides.