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Here is a quote from Ocean, age 18.
forced to be in abusive, non-consensual
relationships during some of the most vulnerable
years of their life. People tell adult females
that if you are in an abusive relationship with a
man, leave. If he calls you lazy or ugly or
something and you want to leave, just leave. They
teach that "no means no" and things
like that. If he hits you once, get help, if he
hits you twice, leave.
Teenagers can't do anything like
that with a parent. The parent has so much
emotional power over the teen, probably more than
a boyfriend. The teenager can't say "Hey, I
am going to leave for a day then come back."
The teenager can't even say "I'm gonna leave
for ten minutes" because the parent can say
"I'm not allowing that." The teenager
can't say "I am going to stand a little
farther away from you" because the parent
can say "Now you are just being
disrespectful". The teenager can't say
"We are getting family therapy or else I am
leaving. That is my ultimatum."
People wonder why women
stay in abusive relationships. If she says
"He did it because he loves me" people
will say "Well, thatīs stupid" or
"Why are women so stupid to believe
something like that?" But people don't think
about how as a teenager you can't do anything,
you can't leave whatsoever.
When a teen is 16 people
will say "Your parents are only doing that
because they love you. You should aways try to
work it out with them. Don't ever leave. Don't
runaway. Always try to work it out, because you
know they really have your best interests in
mind. They did it because they love you. Blah
blah blah. You should forgive them or
whatever." They tell that to a teenager, but
later if she's in an abusive relationship they
are like, "How can you be so stupid? Why
didn't you leave? Why didn't you get help right
away? Why did you put up with it?"
Note: A parent has
legal power over a teenager, too. In most countries a
parent can still call the police and have the teenager
forcibly returned, just for walking away.
Here is the original, unedited version in Ocean's own voice.
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