Brittany
16 USA
First email: Sept 29, 2009
on the site on the subject it says to write u, if im feeling suicidal .. well for the past month ive felt horrible.. like i just wanna die i cannot get thoughts of dying out of my head. im scared to death. i have nobody to talk to about this and idk what else to do, except talk to people who know what there talking about. i really just want to be happy and i try my hardest to.. it just doesnt happen. im 16 years old and i have my whole life ahead of me and i feel THIS bad. i dont know what to do .. i was hoping maybe you could help me?.. give me suggestions on what to do to make myself happy? becuase im just so depressed. its got to the point i get SO angry becuase im so sad all the time i hurt myself. i just wanna know whats wrong with me.
Please write me back as soon as possible :'(
Thank you
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Steve's reply:
Hi Brittany
First, I'd say there is probably nothing wrong with u except that
u have been living in the wrong place.
Did you see my page on emotionaly abusive mothers for example?
Im gonna send u what I call the mom test. There are ten questions from it on my
site but I'll send u the whole thing.
Please answer the questions and send ur answers back to me.
This will help me know how bad ur situation is.
I havent met a teen yet who had something wrong with them. It has
always been their parents.
Also, here is a new link Ive been working on. I took it down and
changed it a bit. Please read it because it might help you
understand somethings.
www.eqi.org/teen.htm
And lastly, would u like to meet some other teens who have
written me? I have a list of 5 or so right now. They have similar
situations and I think they will understand how u feel pretty
well.
I am gonna send a copy of this email to a girl who is helping me.
Her name is Priscilla. She is 18 and she used to cut when she
lived with her parents. Now she doesn't feel the need to. She
will send u out the list of the teens and put ur name on the list
if is ok with u.
How does that all sound to you?
By the way, are u in the usa or where?
hug if u want one.
steve
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Her reply to Steve's reply:
hi,
idk maybe your right.. i mean me and mom have a horrible
relationship.. but i really think its me. i dont know but yes i
would like to tlalk to other teens with this problem i think it
would help alot.. and yeah please send me that mom test thing.. but
yeah im in the USA .. i live in maryland. but yeah. thank u for
your help pi really appreciate it..
oct 12
hey steve.
im .. i dont know really. Ive recently got kicked out of my
house. im sleeping on my friends couch right now and me and my
boyfriend just broke up, im completely alone.
So, on a scale from 1 to 10 im about a 2. I almost lost it the
other night.
i dont know what to do.
And yeah okay. It would be nice to talk to someone...
*hugs* thnx
ok
tell me how u are again today plz
im worried about u.
how come ur mother kicked u out anyhow? she sounds psycho
maybe it will be a good thing somehow cuz being around her too
much cant be good for u.
n what happend with u and ur bf
hug
s
im still feeling like crap :(
.. my mom told me that im to much of a burden on her... i dont
know why. i try to keep as far away from her as i can, i really
do. So, now im sleeping on my friends couch...
eh, we broke up because hes said hes in love with someone else.
me and him were together for 3 years.. im just heartbroken..
i really dont wanna be alive anymore steve. i just wanna die.
Im pretty sure id be 10 times happier that way.
oct 14
...yeah it hurts .. really bad :( it was good for a while.. then
he strted acting really shady.. and didnt ever wanna see me... he
was like my best friend.. he was the only person i had to talk to
:( . There was really nothing i didnt like about him.
No, it doesnt bother me if u call her that. i know shes a bitch..
i cant stand her...
I dont really have friends..im really anti social, Theres no one
that really knows about my mom.... But the people im living with
now have never met my mother.. which i hope they never will.. and
no they dont know the whole story... They dont really care i dont
think... i have a job and i have money.. so as long as i can buy
them drugs i an live there...
i geuss thats fair enough, i mean it gives me a place to live
right? idk.
i dont have msn.. but if u wanna give her my aim its
rriiotxgrl9663
yeah im usually on the computer during school...and then when i
get bk here from work. i have a labtop that i take everywhere
pretty much so.. im online alot.
damn
i just realized its been like three days since u wrote and i
didnt reply. im sorry.
i was kind of shocked when u said the family ur with uses drugs
in ur last mail.... i dont like the soound of that :(
do u use any urself? i know a lot of pple do when their lives are
pretty shitty. so i wouldnt blame u or judge u if u did, id just
feel bad things are that bad.
anyhow whats happened since u wrote last? u dont hav4e to wait
till i reply before u write, btw.
hugs hugs
s
btw p is here and she says hi and sends a hug too :)
oct 17
yeah.. well everythings the same since i last wrote u.. living
here, it sucks.
its not even a family its just a bunch of teenagers living in 1
house.. yeah, i smoke cigarettes... and weed. But, thats it.
they do other stuff.. like coke. and pills. idk i hate living
here but i have nowhere else to go. ya know?
well yeah, idk.
*hugs* wb ... i need help
hug
im pretty worried about the living situation... mostly that the
cops could show up sometime and ud get questioned and end up
getting a police record.
and even smoking pot is definitely enough to get u in trouble,
but without that u could be arrested just cuz of what the others
are doing.
but as far as what to suggest im not sure either.
i guess first, find another friend or family that doesnt do drugs
and if u need to keep smoking weed, try to slow it down and keep
it very much out of site.
would u consider working full time and getting a ged or something
so ud have more money so u could get ur own place?
any relatives in another city or friends somewhere else?
hugs
s
Oct 19
:( idk what to do steve.
But, your right i have to get out of this place as fast i can. I
geuss i could move in my my aunt.. but we dont really get along..
but i can ask her.
And its not that im addicted to smoking weed.. i do it more for
stress releaf.. helps me calm down form the hell of a life.. and
ive been having the worst anxiety lately.. if been living of of
xanax.
Idk i really dont wanna drop out. i wanna graduate more then
anything.. i only have a year left after this one... But i might
have to :( ..
hugs... :'(
hey steve..
eh, well today sucked... my grandmother died..
ive been having a really hard couple days.. i live back at my
house now
my moms thinks im crazy..she said shes thinking about committed
me into
some hospital..
she just wants to get rid of me.. im over everything..its to were
the
only thing i wanna do is no longer breathe..
like im finally at peace..ive excepted that fact that ill only be
truely
happy when im dead... like it doesnt even make me
sad anymore..like i dont cry..im just so ready to end all my
pain.
im alone all the time anyway, its not like id be missed anyway..
sometimes i wonder how many ppl would actually show up at my
funeral if
i died..probley not many...
:(
goodnight or good day, idk what time it is there.
hugs and much love,
Brittany