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Thoughts on A Connection Between Needs and Disappointment, Discouragement


There seems to be a connection between a person's needs and their disappointment and discouragement when their needs are not met.

The relationship seems to look like this

Needs can create hopes, and anticipation or predictions. These lead to expectations. When the reality is different, disappointment is felt.


Needs > Hopes, Anticipation, Prediction > Expectations > Disappointment, Discouragement


I feel thirsty - I need water - I start thinking about it a lot. I look for it in every direction I turn. I find some water. I take a drink. It feels good. I am satisfied.

Another day I am thirsty again. I go to the same place I found water before. I am hoping and anticipating and expecting to find water again. But this time there is no water. I feel disappointed, disillusioned. I created the expectation and the illusion there would be water there again without knowing the reality.

Another day I find water in a different spot. I drink it till I am satisfied. Then I keep walking and I walk past another spot which has a sign over it saying "water". I look and see that there is no water. I feel curious about what happened and why there is no water. but I don’t feel disappointed or disillusioned in the same way, or to the same degree as I did when I went to spot number one the second time, when I was very thirsty

In parenting then, a parent's needs seem likely to contribute directly to their "disappointment" in their child. Let's say a parent needs to feel successful through their child, but their child doesn't live up to the parent's expectations/desires. The parent may then tell the child or teen they are disappointed. But if the parent didn't need to fill successful or proud or whatever through the child or teen there would be no issue.

The parent's disappointment takes an unhealthy priority over the feelings of the child or teen. So rather than being there in a supportive role when the child or teen suffers some type of loss, the parent makes things worse.

This type of disappointment or discouragement can be used by a parent or someone else as a way of trying to manipulate the other person they are "disappointed in."


I thought of this when I felt "disappointed" and discouraged when someone didn't do something I wanted/needed them to do.

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