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Why "God" Never Received Tenure at the University
(Adapted from the Humanist Magazine article)

1. He only had one major publication.

2. And it was in Hebrew.

3. And it had no references.

4. And it was not published in a refereed journal.

5. And many even doubted that he wrote it himself.

6. And many doubt that he performed all the fantastic things that were attributed to him such as creating the earth.

7. And even if he did create the earth, what has he done since then?

8. His cooperative efforts in the academic community have been quite limited, to say the least.

9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use humans subjects.

10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

11. When the subjects did not behave as predicted, he often punished them quite harshly, or just deleted them from the sample.

12. He rarely came to class; he just told his students to read the book.

13. He had his son teach the class.

14. But he didn't have his son prepare any written notes, he left this for others who his son happened to meet while out walking.

14. He expelled his first two students for learning too much.

15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most students failed his tests.

16. He doesn't encourage questions.

17. His office hours were infrequent, unpredictable and usually held on a mountaintop.

18. He never addressed his whole class, instead he made his major announcements in secrecey to selected individuals.

19. And he usually did this while they were asleep and dreaming, so they couldn't take any notes or find anyone else to copy the notes from.

20. He made a habit out of appealing to his students' fears, rather than to their reason.

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