EQI.org Home | Parenting I want to be a good mum Here is an article written by a mother in Australia. She told me she sometimes hit/spanked/smacked her four year old daughter. I suggested she ask her daughter how she feels when her mom hits her. So she did and she told me the story of how the daughter replied. It was so moving I asked her to write it up, which she did. I then, with her permission, sent it to Jordan Riak's website, nospank.net where he immediately published it. - S. Hein -- I want to be a good mum April 2002
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Follow up - I visited this 2 person family a few more times over the next few years. Unfortunately, though the mother seemed to have stopped hitting her daughter, she did not stop trying to use power, force and coercion to control her. The mother would still blatantly threaten her daughter. She would also give her two undesirable "choices" and force the daughter to pick one. I believe Alfie Kohn calls these "pseudo choices". This mother was a single mom, a fairly devout Catholic and a member of Mensa - so very intelligent. The abuse of her child seems to have shifted from physical to emotional, as is often done as children get older. It becomes more "insidious" as one social worker explained to me. It becomes more confusing to the child or teen. And perhaps, according to some studies, even more damaging than physical punishment without the emotional manipulation. A related article about the same mother is "Suzy" - the defiant 5 year old. |