P's Page

P's Page

Note from Steve

"P" has been a reader of EQI since 2008. In 2009 we met and began working together. Now we are partners as well as working colleagues. Here are some things she has added to the site.

And here examples of her portrait drawings.

S. Hein

Dec 12th, 2011

From Reflecting and Problem Solving Around the Emotional Needs of Disabled Children (0-13)
www.inclusive-solutions.com.

We need to view even the most challenging behaviour as communicative. The behaviour should tell us something about the emotions underneath if we can step back and reflect with others...

To promote a child’s emotional well-being, a lot can be achieved by practitioners understanding simple approaches, such as having chill-out zones where children can wind down or using approaches such as ‘gentle teaching’. We must remember that, what we as adults may label as bad behaviour might be challenging or difficult TO US, it does not mean that the child is bad, in fact their actions in their eyes will make sense. Children with problems in expressing feelings are more likely to learn more acceptable actions from their peers. Being with other children of the same age is how all children learn when what they DO is appropriate or acceptable.

All children need to be given the responsibility to decide how they are going to show their emotions, and to understand that certain actions will be punished just like their friends, so that they can then make a choice. [My italics.]

What? If behavior is to be viewed as "communicative", then why punish a child for communicating their feelings/needs? If they can say this despite their insight into emotional needs, it really says a lot about how prevalent the belief in punishment is.

Also, "so they can then make a choice"? I am really surprised they can say that, while at the same time beforehand saying this...

It is recognising that disabled children, like anyone else, need to feel a degree of control about what happens to them, both physically and emotionally. It is about recognising choice (or its lack as an abuse of power), and also recognising that there are some demands on our lives where we cannot always make a choice, but being aware, particularly as providers, of the difference between choice and demand.

But if you know you are going to be punished for doing something, you are not being given a *real* choice... eg. "Either give me your money, or I'll shoot you. What's your choice?"

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Dec 13th, 2011

Video of suicidal boy who is getting bullied.. www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=TdkNn3Ei-Lg

Was googling "Hitler's emotional needs" today.

The results still had almost nothing useful, that I could see.

Anyhow, I found this...

It is ironic, because whoever wrote it meant it be funny. ie a satire, not serious....

Hitler Commits Suicide; Ravaging of Europe 'A Desperate Cry for Help,' Say Therapists.

Fuhrer's Slaughter of Millions Blamed on 'Serious Self-Esteem Issues'

'If We Had Only Known How Much He Was Hurting Inside,' FDR Says

Berlin - Absent from the public eye for months, Adolf Hitler is reportedly dead by his own hand in an air-raid shelter in Berlin, where he had sequestered himself during his final days.

Dr. Theodore Beaumont, director of the Virginia Psychiatry Center, said he believes Hitler's marching on Poland, Denmark, Norway, Holland, Belgium, and France, and his systematic killings of millions of people in Germany, was "a desperate cry for help."

According to Beaumont, "This is classic attention seeking behavior."
Beaumont said Hitler made his plea for approval the only way he knew how: by lashing out.

Other experts agree. "The British and American forces just reciprocated negatively by advancing from the west," said Dr. Johan Freberg of the Paris Center for Mental Illness. "And Russian soldiers reinforced Hitler's self-fulfilling prophesy of 'othering' by attacking from the east, instead of lending a sympathetic ear, which may of been all Hitler needed."

Upon learning of the self-esteem issues that led Hitler to militaristic "acting out," Allied leaders are seeing the once-hated despot in a new light.

"I heard his angry speeches but failed to search for the hurt little boy beneath those words," lamented British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. "I feel guilty - there's so much more we could have done for him."

Said President Roosevelt, "Inside that maniacal mass murderer - beneath the veneer of evil and sadism - there was a scared little child searching for love."

Psychologists say the global carnage of the Second World War could have been averted if only U.S. forces had met Hitler's emotional needs, giving him the love and approval he so desperately sought.

From iconicmidwest.blogspot.com/2007/06/nss-moment-if-ever-there-was-one.html

Quotes from an abusive mother...

I am a 20 year old who was emotionally abused by mother for 10 years before I finally left home. I saw your quotes page and wanted to add a couple that my mother had said to me a couple years ago..

I was tutoring a mentally handicapped child in math at the age of 17 at the time she said "Maybe your ass wouldn't be so big if you got off it and got a real job."

I was on medication for depression and was feeling quite sad and wanted to talk to my mom, when I phoned her she said: "Why don't you just take another fucking pill then?"

My website

The more you talk about rules, the less you talk about feelings

The more you talk about rights, the less you talk about needs

The more you talk about chemical imbalances, the less you talk about abuse

The more you talk about anti depressants, the less you talk about changing society

The more you talk about distraction, the less you talk about solving problems

Dec 22nd, 2011

Email from Tim:

You know how you said this on your page? "But if you know you are going to be punished for doing something, you are not being given a *real* choice... eg. "Either give me your money, or I'll shoot you. What's your choice?""

That's kind of like believing in the Christian god. Believe or go to hell.

I got a funny video on that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUtSM2oVy_E

And there's two more parts that are really entertaining. This guy is a genius.

Dec 23rd , 2011

I have adapted an article/quiz about how to tell when it's time to quit your job, from www.fabjob.com/tips213.html (originally called Is It Time to Quit Your Job?)

I substituted the word "job" with the word "school" and changed and few details around to make it fit into a school context.

Some things might still not quite make sense, for example, I'm not sure if the average school age person can control when they schedule medical appointments, or if their parents do that for them. However, I still think the point comes across well enough.

And obviously, students cannot simply choose to "quit" school, no matter how much these "quitting signs" apply to them.

Quiz: Is It Time to Quit School?

Did you bounce out of bed this morning excited to face the day ahead? Or did the thought of getting up and going to school make you wish you could stay snug in your bed?

If Monday mornings are a low point in your week, or if you dread returning to school after holidays, it may be a sign that it's time to quit going to school.

Often you know what you want subconsciously before you know it consciously. While you may still be debating whether or not to stay at school, your subconscious mind may have already decided it's time for you to move on.

Most students who want to quit school behave in ways that are noticeably different than students who are satisfied in school. Try the following quiz to see how many of these "quitting signs" are true for you.

For each statement, note whether it is something you Often, Sometimes, or Never experience. (If a statement doesn't fit, feel free to adapt it to your situation or skip it.)

I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning on school days.

I arrive late for school.

Once I arrive at school, it takes me a while for my brain to start working.

I sit in class and daydream.

I have less patience with teachers than I used to.

I get impatient with rules at school.

I skip classes.

When I have to talk to other students as part of my class work, I spend more time chatting than I need to.

I feel tired during the school day.

I don't bother mentioning concerns to my teachers because it's usually a waste of time.

If I leave class during the day, I take my time getting back.

I do the minimum amount of schoolwork required.

I check the time throughout the day to see how close to going home time it is.

I feel bored at school.

I "kill time" during the day by chatting with other students and doing things other than my school work.

I try to schedule medical and other personal appointments during school hours.

I start getting ready to leave class before quitting time.

I am out the door as soon as it is time to go home.

On the weekends I spend most of my time watching TV, playing games or on the Internet instead of doing homework.

I have called in sick when I could actually have gone to school.

I complain to my friends about school.

I have trouble sleeping on Sunday nights because I'm thinking about having to go back to school.

When I'm on holidays I dread going back to school.

Give yourself 0 points for each Never answer, 1 point for each Sometimes answer and 2 points for each Often answer then using the following scores as a starting point to measure your level of satisfaction at school.

0 to 10 points - Very satisfied

11-20 points - Somewhat satisfied

21-30 points - Somewhat dissatisfied

31-40 points - Very dissatisfied

41-50 points - Why are you still at school?

While a score over 40 is a clear sign of dissatisfaction, even the most satisfied student is likely to score some points on this quiz.

For example, night owls who prefer to sleep late might score a 2 on "I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning" even if they like school.

Only you can decide whether you are satisfied with going to school -- or whether you'd rather find something else to do to that makes you look forward to Monday.

If I had taken this quiz when I was still at school, I would have gotten a 36. ha ha

(BTW I took out one or two of the statements from the original article, so the points don't add up to 50 maximum anymore, but you can still get the general idea.)

I've been working on my painting again recently. I wanted to show a picture of it because I don't feel very optimistic I'll ever finish.

It's just taking me a very, very long time (I won't say how long because that would be embarrassing.) As you can see, I'm barely halfway through, but at least people will be able to see it now even if I don't finish, and maybe it will motivate me to do more.

Jan 17th, 2012

We found an interesting discussion on "pseudo-choices" when googling the term the other day:

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:ie5FGmT353EJ:www.mothering.com/community/t/281695/pseudo-choices+%22pseudo+choice
%22&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=my

Not one mother has thought about the fact that their child will feel threatened. The word "threatened" is not found on the page.

And not one mother has thought about asking their child "how would you feel about doing so and so?"

As far as we can see, no mother actually said how they feel when they say things like that to their kids.

Jan 20th, 2012

Do schools kill creativity? video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY