| EQI.org Home | Teen Suicide | How to Help A Depressed Teenager What
doesn't help a teen...
I don't have time to
explain this fully...., so I hope it is some what
self-explanatory....but it really annoys me when adults
say things like this. You can see, I hope, the problem.
This is what a teen wrote:
Sometimes I
think...it's something. Maybe not depression but
something. Sometimes I think it's depression and I
need professional help. Other times I think back to a
convo I had with my teacher where she said
"Being a teenager is never easy" and it
makes me think its just a phase and part of life
Also, she doesn't need
"professional help" any more than someone who
has been abused in, let's say, the Morman church, needs
counseling from a Morman counselor.
She needs, first of all
understanding, real understanding. Many counselors of
teens do not provide that.
Second, she needs
confidentiallity. She needs to know what she says will
not get back to her parents. Again, many counselors don't
provide that -- at least the counselors of the suicidal
teens who seek help from our organization. When
counselors do their jobs well, of course, we never hear
from a teen. It is only in the cases that the
couneselors, for whatever reason, are not helping the
teen in a way the teen needs that they turn to the
Internet for the support they need but are not getting
locally.
I am sorry I don't have
more time now to write more about this... but I will say
"It is not just a phase in your life. And "Not
all teens suffer as you are."
S.Hein
June 9, 2011
Sydney
Note - Teens, please write me and tell me how you feel when
adults say things like that to you.
Some feedback from teens
Teen from Australia - 15
Heartless: so the page
ya just sent me..it's
true.
Heartless: thats for
sure
Steve: ok how come u think its true?
Heartless: cuz counselors say things are
between them
Heartless: but really they end up telling
parents
Steve: yeah ive heard hat
enough times!
Heartless: so yeah
Heartless: pretty stupid
Steve: yeah i agree
Steve: a smart person learns not to talk to them
Steve: like didnt u say once u only tell ur counsleor
half truths?
Heartless: yep yep
Heartless: half truths
Heartless: but some are lies
Teen In Ireland
Our convo when I showed
her this page...
Crim:
Too true
Steve:
like how?
Crim:
We need confidentiality, understanding and no
prejudice. Counselors only ever seem to be about
careers, thus, are too serious.
Steve:
like how do u mean too serious?
Crim:
I mean they`re more focused on formalities and exam
scores and colleges
Crim: They don`t treat us like we`re
human
Steve:
what do u mean or in what ways dont they?
Crim:
It`s all business.You walk in and ask a question and
they go on about exams and what you want to be and
what collegesare you going to and what subjects
you`re doing
Crim:
There`s no emotion
Steve:
k - how safe would u feel to tell them how things are
at home? safe from 0-10?
Crim:
0
Crim:
Absolutely not
Steve:
how come
Crim:
It`s just too formal. Like they don`t care. If they
don`t care, then of course they`ll tell another
teacher or the principal, and that would mean calling
parents
Steve:
have u had that happen to you?
Crim:
Almost
Steve:
what do u mean?
Crim:
The current principal used to be a counselor of my
school. She only seemed to care for herself. Helping
just to get it on her own record that she`s
"good".
Steve:
yeah, very possibly so
Steve:
did u try talking to her?
Crim:
No, she would drag me out of classes... When one of
my best friends went to her in tears about how she`d
been hurt, the counselor just smiled.
Steve:
can u explain that more?
Crim:
When my friend went to her that time when she had
problems, the same counselor only smiled while my
friend cried.
Steve:
wtf
Steve:
thats all i can say to that!
Crim:
Yep... Said woman would force me out of classes I
enjoyed (practically telling my class I was a
"problem") just to talk to me about things
I had no intention of discussing
Steve:
like what things?
Crim:
Apparently some teacher mentioned I had scars. She of
course refused to say which teacher...
Steve:
ahhh.... nice
Steve:
how did you feel about all that?
Crim:
Lowered. Sympathy isn`t a good thing; it means you`re
being looked down on.
Crim:
The idea that teachers talked about it before
contacting me myself made it feel worse
Steve:
yeah definitely
Steve:
like ur kept in the dark
Crim:
Exactly
Steve:
uniformed, excluded. not considered, obviously.
Crim:
Not just that, but it`s about me, I should know
Steve:
I agree
Steve:
how respected did u feel from 0-10?
Steve:
im guessing about 0
Crim:
yep
Why Psychologists Are Not
the Answer for Teens
Here are a few reasons
besides the ones above...
- They can't be there
in the middle of the night, or even late at night
when the teen is feeling alone, possibly crying alone
in their room.
- They don't give
hugs.
- Their main
motivation for helping might not be because they care
about the individual teen.
- They can't be there
as often on a daily basis as the teen needs for
emotional support.
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