First email: Sept 29, 2009
on the site on the subject it says to write u, if im feeling suicidal .. well for the past month ive felt horrible.. like i just wanna die i cannot get thoughts of dying out of my head. im scared to death. i have nobody to talk to about this and idk what else to do, except talk to people who know what there talking about. i really just want to be happy and i try my hardest to.. it just doesnt happen. im 16 years old and i have my whole life ahead of me and i feel THIS bad. i dont know what to do .. i was hoping maybe you could help me?.. give me suggestions on what to do to make myself happy? becuase im just so depressed. its got to the point i get SO angry becuase im so sad all the time i hurt myself. i just wanna know whats wrong with me.
Please write me back as soon as possible :'(
First, I'd say there is probably nothing wrong with u except that u have been living in the wrong place.
Did you see my page on emotionaly abusive mothers for example?
Im gonna send u what I call the mom test. There are ten questions from it on my site but I'll send u the whole thing.
Please answer the questions and send ur answers back to me.
This will help me know how bad ur situation is.
I havent met a teen yet who had something wrong with them. It has always been their parents.
Also, here is a new link Ive been working on. I took it down and changed it a bit. Please read it because it might help you understand somethings.
And lastly, would u like to meet some other teens who have written me? I have a list of 5 or so right now. They have similar situations and I think they will understand how u feel pretty well.
I am gonna send a copy of this email to a girl who is helping me. Her name is Priscilla. She is 18 and she used to cut when she lived with her parents. Now she doesn't feel the need to. She will send u out the list of the teens and put ur name on the list if is ok with u.
How does that all sound to you?
By the way, are u in the usa or where?
hug if u want one.
Her reply to Steve's reply:
idk maybe your right.. i mean me and mom have a horrible relationship.. but i really think its me. i dont know but yes i would like to tlalk to other teens with this problem i think it would help alot.. and yeah please send me that mom test thing.. but yeah im in the USA .. i live in maryland. but yeah. thank u for your help pi really appreciate it..
im .. i dont know really. Ive recently got kicked out of my house. im sleeping on my friends couch right now and me and my boyfriend just broke up, im completely alone.
So, on a scale from 1 to 10 im about a 2. I almost lost it the other night.
i dont know what to do.
And yeah okay. It would be nice to talk to someone...
tell me how u are again today plz
im worried about u.
how come ur mother kicked u out anyhow? she sounds psycho
maybe it will be a good thing somehow cuz being around her too much cant be good for u.
n what happend with u and ur bf
im still feeling like crap :(
.. my mom told me that im to much of a burden on her... i dont know why. i try to keep as far away from her as i can, i really do. So, now im sleeping on my friends couch...
eh, we broke up because hes said hes in love with someone else.
me and him were together for 3 years.. im just heartbroken..
i really dont wanna be alive anymore steve. i just wanna die.
Im pretty sure id be 10 times happier that way.
...yeah it hurts .. really bad :( it was good for a while.. then he strted acting really shady.. and didnt ever wanna see me... he was like my best friend.. he was the only person i had to talk to :( . There was really nothing i didnt like about him.
No, it doesnt bother me if u call her that. i know shes a bitch.. i cant stand her...
I dont really have friends..im really anti social, Theres no one that really knows about my mom.... But the people im living with now have never met my mother.. which i hope they never will.. and no they dont know the whole story... They dont really care i dont think... i have a job and i have money.. so as long as i can buy them drugs i an live there...
i geuss thats fair enough, i mean it gives me a place to live right? idk.
i dont have msn.. but if u wanna give her my aim its rriiotxgrl9663
yeah im usually on the computer during school...and then when i get bk here from work. i have a labtop that i take everywhere pretty much so.. im online alot.
i just realized its been like three days since u wrote and i didnt reply. im sorry.
i was kind of shocked when u said the family ur with uses drugs in ur last mail.... i dont like the soound of that :(
do u use any urself? i know a lot of pple do when their lives are pretty shitty. so i wouldnt blame u or judge u if u did, id just feel bad things are that bad.
anyhow whats happened since u wrote last? u dont hav4e to wait till i reply before u write, btw.
btw p is here and she says hi and sends a hug too :)
yeah.. well everythings the same since i last wrote u.. living here, it sucks.
its not even a family its just a bunch of teenagers living in 1 house.. yeah, i smoke cigarettes... and weed. But, thats it.
they do other stuff.. like coke. and pills. idk i hate living here but i have nowhere else to go. ya know?
well yeah, idk.
*hugs* wb ... i need help
im pretty worried about the living situation... mostly that the cops could show up sometime and ud get questioned and end up getting a police record.
and even smoking pot is definitely enough to get u in trouble, but without that u could be arrested just cuz of what the others are doing.
but as far as what to suggest im not sure either.
i guess first, find another friend or family that doesnt do drugs and if u need to keep smoking weed, try to slow it down and keep it very much out of site.
would u consider working full time and getting a ged or something so ud have more money so u could get ur own place?
any relatives in another city or friends somewhere else?
:( idk what to do steve.
But, your right i have to get out of this place as fast i can. I geuss i could move in my my aunt.. but we dont really get along.. but i can ask her.
And its not that im addicted to smoking weed.. i do it more for stress releaf.. helps me calm down form the hell of a life.. and ive been having the worst anxiety lately.. if been living of of xanax.
Idk i really dont wanna drop out. i wanna graduate more then anything.. i only have a year left after this one... But i might have to :( ..
eh, well today sucked... my grandmother died..
ive been having a really hard couple days.. i live back at my house now
my moms thinks im crazy..she said shes thinking about committed me into
she just wants to get rid of me.. im over everything..its to were the
only thing i wanna do is no longer breathe..
like im finally at peace..ive excepted that fact that ill only be truely
happy when im dead... like it doesnt even make me
sad anymore..like i dont cry..im just so ready to end all my pain.
im alone all the time anyway, its not like id be missed anyway..
sometimes i wonder how many ppl would actually show up at my funeral if
i died..probley not many...
goodnight or good day, idk what time it is there.
hugs and much love,