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Nearly all conflicts involve underlying emotional issues. The stronger the feelings, the more difficult the resolution. To resolve conflicts, then, it is absolutely necessary to address the feelings of all parties. Listed below is a conflict resolution model which emphasizes emotions.
The probability of a mutually agreeable solution is increased when:
|The Basic Steps
A. Seek To Understand
B. Seek to be Understood:
C. Mutually generate options & resolutions
Note: Manuel J. Smith, author of When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Smith says, in addition to the two traditional ways of responding to conflict, fight or flight, there is a third way.
This third way is to verbally problem solve.
In all my reading, this is the only time I have ever seen this idea expressed, but how much sense it makes! And if we could all remember just this one point, what a difference it would make.
|Old Methods Used by Adults on
This is something I adapted from Thomas Gordon. Although he was talking about children and adults, I believe it is helpful to think about a more powerful and a less powerful party in a conflict. Or even two equally powerful parties, or powerful in different ways. One might be more skilled at hurting the other with their words, for example.
With the conflict resolution method proposed here the child is more likely to feel:
1. From Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People