Loo - suicidal teen in the USA

Loo
18 as of June 2007, USA

Sept 20, 2006

Loo is one of the best listeners I've ever chatted with. Like so many of the suicidal and self-harming teens, she is intelligent, funny, caring, and sensitive... and has been living her whole life in fear of her parents. She has been hit and traumatized by them, yet doesn't think she has been abused.

As of today I am not sure if she is alive. I got some text messages when I turned on my cell phone this morning saying she had tried to kill herself last night.

Sept 22 Loo is alive. She was in the hospital. I'll write more later.

Letter from Loo July 2, 2007, Chat July 3

Sept 20 Update. I still have not heard from Loo. For a lot of reasons I am feeling less motivated to write or do anything on the Internet. I am saying this here instead of somewhere else because I figure if someone cares about you, they also care about the people you care about, or at least they ask you about the people you care about because they know those people are important to you. Loo and I became very close and she was very important to me even though I hadn't known her long. The more people you meet and the more experiences you have, and the more you are hurt, the better you can choose your friends. Loo was or is someone I felt cared about by and supported by. I felt more encouraged than discouraged when I talked to her. Well, I am probably going to be spending less time on the Internet. I am getting started with teaching English here. It is kind of ironic timing. Yesterday was kind of a turning point I suppose you could say for a couple of reasons. One is the closing of one door, and the opening of another. (I don't mean Loo when I say the closing of one door because I don't know yet what has happened to her. I am hoping she is still alive somewhere and can't get to a computer). Also I got a sarcastic, hurtful email from someone and I am afraid it may be too late to help her much because she has already learned to try to hurt others when she is hurt. This was one thing I admired about one person whose support I lost recently, she almost never tried to hurt someone else when she felt hurt. As I think about it this is a quality that maybe one of the most rare. I feel sad when I think of intelligent, sensitive teens who are learning to hurt people with their words, or who are hurting themselves through physical or psychological self-harm.

I just did a search on "psychological self-harm". Try it yourself if you want.

While I am still writing I will say that it is clearer to me now that it is more helpful to talk about a person being needy than to call them selfish. If we say "selfish" we tend to think of it as a "character flaw" or something, as if the person was born bad. But if we say "needy" then we might start to ask ourselves why the person is needy, what they need exactly, and why their needs were not me. If a teenager is needy, why? Is a teenager supposed to fill their own needs? What about a 12 year old? Or a ten or a two year old? How is nature supposed to work, when it is working as close to perfectly as is naturally possible? Someone I knew once used to say that babies are born with perfect DNA. This is an interesting concept. I think most of the time it is true. So what happens then to make a person think so much about their own needs that they don't think about others and we are tempted to call them selfish, especially when they are not helping us fill some needs that we have, or perhaps blatanty refusing to allow themselves to be used by us in our attempt to fill our own needs?

And since I am *still writing I will note something else I thought of this morning when I woke up. I have been thinking about x each morning when I wake up since she told me she something which came as a something of an earthquake or tidal wave to me. This morning when I was thinking about x I realized that when she feels bad about something she did, when she feels guilty or responsible she tends to think she is a bad person and sometimes this leads to her wanting to kill herself. So basically what seems to happen is this. Let's say she steals something from someone. She feels bad about it on some level. On another level she tries to rationalize it or justify it or intellectualize it, or she might sometimes apologize in a casual sort of way, something like "sorry I accidently killed your wife, your kids, and your dreams." Then she distracts herself or starts thinking about something either consciously and intentionally or unintentionally. She hasn't done anything to make restitution for the pain she caused, or contributed to. Yet on some level the guilty feelings continue. And these feelings are connected to thoughts which go something like this: "I am a bad person. I am evil. I should kill myself." So basically what I am saying is that suicidal people don't believe they are capable of fixing things, of making restitution. They have been taught that they are hurtful people. Typically they are taught they are selfish, uncaring, not kind etc. The parents are the ones who are teaching this to them since the parents feel hurt when the child or teen doesn't do what the parent needs them to do for the fulfilment of the parents' needs.

When a parent calls a child or teen "selfish" two things are happening. One is that the parent wants to hurt the child or teen simply because the parents feel hurt by something. Dysfunctional, soul killing parents don't say "We are in pain because of our own unmet needs and our wishes that you would have filled our needs and our unrealistic expectations". (see also my section on disappointment). So basically one of the two things that happens is that the parents feel pain, they feel hurt, so a natural instinct is to hurt the thing which hurts you to try to stop it from hurting you. But the other thing parents are doing is more subtle. They do something animals in the jungle or forest don't do. If one animal attacks another and the second one escapes, the first might feel frustrated and hungry. But it is unlikely to all the prey "selfish." If it did, it would be like saying "Hey come back here and let me eat you. You should feel bad about running away from me." (And now as I write this I can not help but think of x who I miss terribly, and who will probably understand this, and who understands much more than most of us, and who wrote about abuse in an article about teenagers and abuse.) and the first reponds by biting the attacker, the attacker may run away.

Well, as much as I wanted to get away from the Internet I ended up starting a page on the term "selfish"...

Story about her life

Our first chat

Sept 18, 2006

Here are the messages I got when I turned on my cell phone this morning. According to the cell phone, she sent them around 10pm last night.

-
im about to die or get really sick. im scared. im sorry.
-
i took them all and no one is home
-
im so sorry
-
please answer.

Earlier in the night we had chatted. Here are parts of the chat

my neighbors are fighting
me: oh
like physically fighting
loo: and he is drunk
and he is hitting her
and cussing at her
me: shit
loo: and throwing things
me: hug
thats scary
loo: and i. eh. idk. i am scared for her.
and it hurts. a lot.
me: yeah
loo: bc all i can think about is my dad.
so i just sat and stared out the window at them and cried and then well. oh well.
and i saw him today
me: hug
loo: idk.
thats all
hb
me: hug
what was it like at lunch with him today
loo: hb
awkward
i dont like him
i am always scared hes going to go over the edge
and flip out on me again
he called me really messed up last night
and i hung up on him
me: like drunk messed up?
loo: and stoned.
and who knows whatelse

me: hes hit u i assume?
loo: yeah.
me: hug
loo: i really feel like giving up
me: hug
how so
6:01 PM loo: hb
...
everything. life.
i can't let things go. i think i am incapable of being okay with my past
just accepting it
and that makes me miserable
me: what part of ur past do u want to let go of most?
loo: all of it
me: hug
loo: i want to forget everything
hb
me: yeah
loo: it hurts so much right now though.
i just wanna go curl up in bed
and never wake up
me: hug
hug
hug
loo: hb
hb
6:05 PM me: tell me what is hurting the most right now
what memories or thoughts
loo: watching my dad hit my mom
6:06 PM and not doing anything
me: hug
that must be incredibly painful
loo: running from our house.
idk.

me: would u say uve been abused?
loo: hb
not me. my mom.
i mean he has hit me. but not like he did with her
it doesn't even compare
me: traumatized then?
6:52 PM loo: ...
it's life
it oculd have been worse
6:53 PM me: hug
loo: hb
6:54 PM wanna know about my mom's mom?
not the one in the story.
me: k
loo: that's my dad's parents
me: yeah
loo: well she lived next to us. where i live now. and she was an alcoholic too
and she would get really angry
and one night me and my older sister were playing on the playground next to my house
and my mom came kinda hiding and told us to run home.
and i saw my grandma
on her porch with the shotgun shooting at my parents
so we had to hide under the bed.
it happened a few times
they always ended up calling the cops
and then..
my sister and i
went to wake her up one morning and she wouldnt wake up and a i ran home screaming and crying
i was 5
SO basically it's destiny
both sides of the family
no one knows about my granny. what i just told you
except my family

Story about her life

She wrote this for her senior year language arts class. She told me it is all true.

Someone Else’s Sob Story

“Wake from your sleep

The drying of your tears

Today we escape

We escape

Pack and get dressed

Before your father hears us

Before all hell breaks loose

Breathe, keep breathing

Don't lose your nerve

Breathe, keep breathing

I can't do this alone

(Radiohead, “exit music for a film”).”

She adored him. She was his little girl. Crawling In the bed with him on Saturday mornings, her Mom still asleep on the couch, leaving the stained white comforter and her Daddy’s warm body to curl up next to. His snoring always drove her mom crazy, but somehow comforted her. That was when she loved to be with him, when he was asleep, when the house was finally at rest.

She always knew too much about what was going on with her parents as a kid. They weren’t like everyone else’s parents. Oh, how she longed for them to be. Family game-nights always turned into huge arguments and someone storming out of the house. The only time her parents could get along is when they were getting high together. They always seemed to put her off, dropping her off at whoever’s house they could, which is why she spent so much time with her grandparents. She didn’t have many friends. She was the overly sensitive smart girl that always seemed to have a horrible haircut. She wore the same dirty overalls for one week straight. The kids teased her. They didn’t know what was going on. She didn’t want anyone to know, she was embarrassed. Change was always from bad to worse in her eyes, so she was content being the one alone in the corner of the classroom playing with whatever toy the other kids had abandoned. Sometimes the teacher would try to talk to the girl, she was genuinely concerned, but all she would do is sit in silence or sometimes cry a little. She loved to be alone. No one worried about why she was crying. She thought she wanted it that way.

Her grandmother hated her mom. She was blind; she didn’t see what he did. She resented her oldest sister. After all it wasn’t her Dad’s F-up. She wasn’t his kid. He made it known. She didn’t hate the fact that her parents stuck her at her grandparent’s house, she loved them. They loved her. She knew she was there favorite; sometimes she took advantage of it. She was only a kid.

They all thought she didn’t understand. She wasn’t oblivious. She heard the yelling. She recognized the smell creeping under their bedroom door. She smelled the liquor on his breath when he slipped into her room to kiss her head before passing out on the couch. He always thought she was asleep.

On special nights, when she was longing for his affection, she would open her eyes and beg her father to tell her the story of “wooly Swamp.” Her dad would crawl into her bed and put his arm around her and tell her the story she knew by heart. He would tuck her in with her beloved teddy bear Josh, which of course was a gift from him. When he had money he always showered her with gifts. That’s what he thought love meant. She loved him, from his dirty brown hair to the smell of cigarettes and alcohol that lingered in the air after he left her room.

Over the years she tried to erase, or at least block out the memories of dark nights when her mom would tip toe into her ten year olds bedroom and tell her those horrible words,” We have to get out of here.” It was always freezing in her room, but having the door closed muffled the sounds of her drug-addicted father and deranged mother having it out in the living room. You could hear her mother’s tragic voice right before the faint sound of his hand hitting her frail body or the thud of something he threw hit the floor. Then came the routine slam of the door and my mothers weeping. He always went outside after he hit her. Maybe he couldn’t help it. She tried to convince herself that it hurt him to do it. She wanted him to be outside crying. She wanted him to die. It wasn’t her father.

-------------------

They tiptoed through the backyard and through a whole in the neighbor’s fence. They waited there until they saw him go inside. He never seemed to notice that they left. In the wee hours of morning they would walk up the road, usually in pajamas and bare feet. The pavement was cold and you could see her mothers sigh float out of her mouth and into the crisp night air. They always had a place to stay.

On a particularly horrible night, after the tread up to the friend’s house, she was downstairs folding out the couch… the usual. She heard a loud pounding on the door and then her mother’s footsteps rushing down the stairs. She grabbed her daughter and ran into the laundry room. They never opened the door. They never called the cops, even when he said he had a gun. He yelled that he was going to kill her mom, that the gun was loaded and he was going to break down the f@#$ing door.

About a week later her mother ended up in the hospital. He broke her shoulder bone. That was the day that he was arrested. The last day she saw her father for two years.

They stayed in a hotel room for almost two weeks. The first night they were there her mom left the room, she was alone with her little sister sleeping on the bed next to her under the cold, itchy comforter that felt more like a sheet of cardboard. She was scared. She did the one thing she was told not to do. She made a phone call. Swallowing her fear and already regretting it she dialed the number. All she said was, “Please call my mom in ten minutes. Please I’m scared. My mom is going to be back any minute. Please call. Please.”

She thought her mom was going to kill herself. At ten years old she contemplated doing it herself. Her mind was racing frantically around in circles, but what about her little sister. She needed someone. Then she heard the door open, relief, but only for a fleeting moment.

The phone rang.

Her mom knew she called. The look in her mom’s eyes when she answered the phone and heard her friend’s voice was a look of hate. She will never forget. It is burned into her head. It never goes away. Sometimes she finds ways to make everything disappear. An aid to her need for hiding, from herself, from the people around her, she hates being seen. It keeps her secrets. When she is aware, alone in her room, silent, her mind clouded, but only from the memories flying through her head, she realized she is becoming more and more like her father everyday. With every wrong decision she makes she believes she is transforming into a monster, a monster that no one else sees.

First convo with Loo. Sept 5, 2006

loo dice:
thanks. you are quite possibly the sweetest person I have ever spoken to
steve dice:
aw
loo dice:
i'm serious
steve dice:
thanks
loo dice:
no one has ever taken the time to just sit and listen and make me laugh.

and this...

loo dice:
i tried to OD once again
loo dice:
and i failed
...
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
hug
loo dice:
i was going to try again tonight
loo dice:
i really was
--

Full convo

loo dice:
hi
loo dice:
you are online
steve dice:
hey loo
steve dice:
yep
loo dice:
i am glad
loo dice:
bc i really needed someone to talk to
steve dice:
k
loo dice:
my friend is still in the hospital
steve dice:
wow
steve dice:
hows she doing
loo dice:
shes really sick
steve dice:
man
loo dice:
not so well
loo dice:
i am so scared something is going to happen
loo dice:
and i won;t be there
steve dice:
yeah
steve dice:
did u see her today
loo dice:
yeah. i stayed the night
loo dice:
but my mom doesn't want me to miss anymore school
steve dice:
how do u feel about that
loo dice:
it sucks
steve dice:
yeah id say school could wait
loo dice:
she is more important to me than school
loo dice:
any other time my mom wouldn't care
steve dice:
but ur friend might not be able to
loo dice:
if i missed school
loo dice:
be able to what?
steve dice:
to wait i mean
steve dice:
is she able to talk?
loo dice:
well she can
loo dice:
a little
loo dice:
but she gets dizzy
loo dice:
and sometimes she throws up
loo dice:
but she tries really hard to be ok
loo dice:
her mom just leaves her
loo dice:
by herself
steve dice:
thats sad
loo dice:
like tonight if anything were to happen she would be alone..
steve dice:
yeah
loo dice:
bc she is gay
loo dice:
thats lame
steve dice:
id want to be there if it were my friend
steve dice:
yeah it is
loo dice:
my mom hates me
loo dice:
but if i were gay
loo dice:
and in the hospital i think she would stay with me
steve dice:
ur not then?
steve dice:
or bi?
steve dice:
i talk to a lot of bi girls and some bi guys
loo dice:
nope. I am straight.
loo dice:
but shes my friend. and i love her
steve dice:
k
steve dice:
how long u known her
loo dice:
4 years
steve dice:
wow
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
i thought abotu killing myself so many times, but then I felt so selfish. it just hurts. a lot.
loo dice:
and some other stuff
steve dice:
what do u mean
loo dice:
and the fact that I always feel that way. basically.
loo dice:
idk.
loo dice:
I am always feeling kinda down. I don;t show it.
loo dice:
but shes sick in the hospital
loo dice:
and my friends are all upset too
loo dice:
and I am trying to comfort them
steve dice:
ur trying to do a lot it sounds like
loo dice:
and i feel selfish thinking about myself and killing myself
loo dice:
well my friend m. she's like... hmm.. idk... she was talking to me tonight
whgen we were geting coffee
loo dice:
and she was telling me about her plan to kill herself. and i just tried and tried talking her out of it
loo dice:
i hope i did
loo dice:
and I just wonder if anyone would try to do that for me.. if i told them. or if they would blow me off..
loo dice:
sorry for talking so much
steve dice:
its ok
loo dice:

steve dice:
hang on my pc is acting weird
loo dice:
ok
steve dice:
ok it seems ok now
steve dice:
can i send u a hug?
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
i guess?
loo dice:
i started sutting again
loo dice:
*cutting
loo dice:

steve dice:
how long had u stopped
loo dice:
a year-ish
steve dice:
wow thats a long time
steve dice:
did u just start this week again?
steve dice:
cuz of ur friend?
loo dice:
yeah i guess
loo dice:
i was doing drugs though
loo dice:
yeah
steve dice:
oh which ones
loo dice:
weed of course.
loo dice:
coke
loo dice:
and pills
loo dice:
and sometimes ecstacy
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
i heard thats fun
loo dice:
it is
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
i ve never tried any drugs tho
loo dice:
good
loo dice:
don't do coke
steve dice:
how come
loo dice:
ever
loo dice:
but it's like I always have to be doing something to numb myslef or hurt myself
loo dice:
and since i quit drugs and stuff
loo dice:
i started cutting again.
steve dice:
oh
loo dice:
its pathetic
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
hug
loo dice:
hugs don't mean much though, you know?
loo dice:
yesterday
loo dice:
i was hugged by several girls i know for a fact hate me
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
well i dont hate u! so my hugs are real!
loo dice:
ok
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
you are cheering me up
loo dice:
thats an accomplishment
steve dice:
yay
loo dice:
im scared someine is going to see my arm.. hwere i cut,, bc i wasn';t even thinking about it
loo dice:
but i have to wear this uniform to school
steve dice:
u have to wear a uniform??
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
kahkis
loo dice:
a white collared shirt
loo dice:
and evertything else has ot be black
loo dice:
shoes, socks, hair ties....
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
but what if they see
steve dice:
how dumb
loo dice:
back the hospital
loo dice:
psych ward
loo dice:
whatever
steve dice:
uve been in there befe?
steve dice:
before
loo dice:

loo dice:
torture basically
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
it was horrible
loo dice:
and it didn't help at all
loo dice:
so what do i do?
loo dice:
i have htis meeting with the counselor lady tomorrow too
loo dice:
shiiiiiiiit
loo dice:
that really sucks
steve dice:
how come u dont like her?
loo dice:
i don't like things like that in general
loo dice:
i am like physically incapable of talking about serious things involving myself in real life
loo dice:
face to face type thing
loo dice:
so i lie a lot
steve dice:
yeah a lot of pple do that with adults. i dont blame them
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
they think we are crazy
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
yeah pple think im crazy too
steve dice:
and a pedophile
loo dice:
i mean whose to say
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
thats lame
loo dice:
just because you are cool
loo dice:
?
steve dice:
most adults dont know why i help teenagers for free
steve dice:
they think i must have cyber sex with them i guess!
loo dice:
laaammmme
loo dice:
people like you help us.
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
just a curious question...
steve dice:
yeah ive helped a lot of pple and dont get much credit for it
loo dice:
how old are you?
steve dice:
49
loo dice:
no way
loo dice:
seriously?
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
why do u say that?
loo dice:
bc you actually talk
loo dice:
and understand
loo dice:
and listen
loo dice:
my dad turned 49 today
loo dice:
and he is well
loo dice:
i think i already told you
loo dice:
plus i don;t think he even knows how to run a computer
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
yeah i doubt im much like him!
loo dice:
do you know who elliot smith is?
loo dice:
no nothing liek him
loo dice:
AT ALL
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
hes straight up redneck
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
blehhhhhhh
steve dice:
does he chew tobaco?
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
no
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
thats my grandpa
steve dice:
ha ha
loo dice:
but do oyu know elliot smith?
loo dice:
well know who he is?
steve dice:
sounds very familiar! tell me
loo dice:
hes AMAZING
loo dice:
what kind of music do you like?
steve dice:
u mean hes plays music??
steve dice:
i though the was from a book
loo dice:
mhm
loo dice:
oh no
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
see im old!
loo dice:
but still.. what kind
steve dice:
i like neil diamond
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
ever heard of him?
loo dice:
i have heard of him
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
and john lennons imagine is my fav of all time
loo dice:
YEAH
loo dice:
i think you wouldlike elliot smith
loo dice:
hes kinda old
loo dice:
well dead now
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
he commited suicide
steve dice:
oh
steve dice:
damn
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
BUT his music is amazing
loo dice:
do you download music?
steve dice:
isnt that illegal
loo dice:
shhh.
steve dice:
i dont do anything illegal
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
just kidding!
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
well do you though?
loo dice:
i mean if not this is worth paying for
steve dice:
yes of course i do!
steve dice:
i used limewire
steve dice:
what do u use?
loo dice:
Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power line
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Took an hour to fall
loo dice:
best lyrics ever
loo dice:
umm.. i use ares
loo dice:
download the song a passing feeling
loo dice:
or basically anyhting
loo dice:
by him
steve dice:
k ill try to remember "a passing feeling"?
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
did you read those lyrics?
steve dice:
yeah
loo dice:
thats exactly how i feel
loo dice:
everyday
steve dice:
hug
steve dice:
im sorry
loo dice:
hug
loo dice:
yeah it's ok
loo dice:
do you live in the us?
steve dice:
no
loo dice:
good
steve dice:
i am from there but i live in south america now
loo dice:
be glad
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
i am !
steve dice:
look what i just wrote..
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
have you been to the rainforest?
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
ith You, The Feeling That I Can´t Go On Is Light Years Away dice:
do u miss ee.uu.?
steve dice:
no. i dont like it!

steve dice:
ee uu is the usa in spanish
loo dice:
ohh
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
i hate it here
steve dice:
what state are u in?
loo dice:
all they do is eat and medicate
steve dice:
i dont mean mental state ha ha
loo dice:
georgia
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
i already know ur crazy
steve dice:
georgia!
steve dice:
go dawgs
loo dice:
IT SUCKS
steve dice:
or whatever it is
loo dice:
no i hate football
loo dice:
yuck
loo dice:
but yeah its the dawgs
steve dice:
ur smart
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
my sister used to live in athens
steve dice:
and i dont mean greece
loo dice:
seriously?
steve dice:
yes
steve dice:
why would i lie about that!?!?!
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
i like like 30 minutes away
loo dice:
i like like
steve dice:
u like like
loo dice:
psshh
loo dice:
live
steve dice:
i take back what i said about u being smart
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
im glad ur from georgia
loo dice:
lol
steve dice:
i can tease u about it
loo dice:
why?
steve dice:
i used to live in fl
loo dice:
HAH
loo dice:
florida
steve dice:
and go thru ga all the damn time
loo dice:
with old people
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
yeah my pals
steve dice:
in the retirement homes
loo dice:
or cocaine dealers
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
ur making me seriously laugh now
loo dice:
or the old retired cocaine delaers
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
ok thats enugg
loo dice:
YESSS!
steve dice:
oops
loo dice:
enugg
steve dice:
bite me
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
well you're not smart either
steve dice:
like i said...
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
OHHH haven't heard that one for a long time
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
jk
steve dice:
how old r u
steve dice:
u sound 13
loo dice:
17
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
maybe i am
loo dice:
no no jk
steve dice:
do u have a web cam?
loo dice:
we are kinda dumb in GA
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
r u a blonde?
loo dice:
nope
loo dice:
no
loo dice:
brown
loo dice:
with a blue streak
loo dice:
yessss
loo dice:
see my pic?
steve dice:
do u have a stupid accent?
loo dice:
just add a little blue
loo dice:
i don't think so
steve dice:
what pic?
loo dice:
i don't thannnk soooo
steve dice:
that little one there?
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
my profile pic thing
loo dice:
you have a soccer ball
steve dice:
u cant see jack from that
loo dice:
and then i have a pic of me in a box
steve dice:
yeah cuz im in a public place
loo dice:
pshhh
loo dice:
welll
steve dice:
r u religious?
loo dice:
hmm.
steve dice:
baptist?
loo dice:
not at all
loo dice:
HELL NO
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
my mom is though
steve dice:
figures!
loo dice:
southern baptist
loo dice:
secretary
steve dice:
does she wear long dresses with flowers on them?
loo dice:
at her church
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
maaayyybe
loo dice:
OK OK
loo dice:
funny story
loo dice:
we were on ouir way to the hospital and we see this sign on some church
loo dice:
and it says rainbows
loo dice:
and then some phone number
loo dice:
and they were both gay
loo dice:
so they are like "RAINBOWSSSS"
loo dice:
and they call...
steve dice:
who was both gay?
loo dice:
"helloo mamm. I was calling bc i saw that you had some rainbows. i was wondering could you send me 2? theres a party. a gayyy party and tell the whole church they are invited."
loo dice:
ina weird voice
loo dice:
and something about a jesus stripper
loo dice:
the girl and guy I was in the car with
loo dice:
were both gay
steve dice:
ok dont u have any straight friends?
steve dice:
cept me i mean ha ha
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
of course
steve dice:
actually i suppose most straight pple in ga are idiots
loo dice:
yeah
steve dice:
so u probably have good taste
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
georgia
steve dice:
thats hilarious
loo dice:
sucks
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
ok i am sending youa pic
steve dice:
u know i five yrs ur the first person from georgia!
loo dice:
yeah
steve dice:
im cracking up
loo dice:
everyones too dumb
loo dice:
to be crazy
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
they shoot deer
steve dice:
whens ur bday?
loo dice:
and watch football
steve dice:
yeah poor little dear
loo dice:
xxxx xx
steve dice:
and drink beer
steve dice:
lots of beer
loo dice:
mhmm
loo dice:
YEAH
loo dice:
yuck
loo dice:
beer is groossss
steve dice:
but u do drugs so look whos talking lol
loo dice:
yeah but still
loo dice:
i drink to
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
i got drunk friday before we went my friend got sick
loo dice:
but hang on
loo dice:
pic time
steve dice:
ok
steve dice:
ur funny
steve dice:
i was depressed before we started talking
steve dice:
now uve got me laughing
loo dice:
me too!!
steve dice:
shame on u
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
u must be evil
loo dice:
well thank you
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
ohh I ammmm
steve dice:
yay
steve dice:
do u have a microphone?
steve dice:
i want to know if u have a dumb accent
loo dice:
haha no way
loo dice:
i dont have one anyway
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
ok well im sure there is a walmart near u
loo dice:
oh shut up
steve dice:
lol
loo envía:

Abrir (Alt+P)
loo dice:
that pics from when i first got my lip pierced
steve dice:
i swear to fucking god u sound like my 13 year old friend sarah. when she was 13 that is
loo dice:
i feel dumb now
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
i'm just weird
steve dice:
its ok she is very smart actually
steve dice:
i like how u talk
loo dice:
and raised and surrounded by dumb people
steve dice:
dont change a thing, even if ur 65
loo dice:
i used to be smart
steve dice:
u used to be?!?!
loo dice:
i won't
loo dice:
but i'm aiming for a week older
loo dice:
not not 48yrs
loo dice:
not not
loo dice:
like like
loo dice:
wtf
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
before i did drugs
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
yeah that will fuck up ur brain cells!
loo dice:
i was so smart people didn't talk to me
loo dice:
haha i should be on those ads
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
this is your brain before drugs
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
those are good, they dont have them here! how sad
loo dice:
this iS yOuR bRaIn AfTeR dRuGs
loo dice:
yeahh
loo dice:
how sad
loo dice:
NOT
loo dice:
they suck
steve dice:
can i call gg for georgia girl?
loo dice:
but did you see that pic
loo dice:
haha

Has recibido satisfactoriamente C:\Mis documentos\Mis archivos recibidos\.....

loo dice:
gg
steve dice:
im so happy ur from georgia
loo dice:
people will think i am dumb
steve dice:
we were neighbors!
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
true
loo dice:
haha yeah
steve dice:
if they know the usa, but luckily im in argentina and they dont know mierda
loo dice:
loo is only one more letter
loo dice:
mierda?
steve dice:
thats a really attractive pic u sent
steve dice:
u dont know mierda?
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
i get weird looks
loo dice:
but thanks
steve dice:
then u dont know shit cuz mierda is shit!
steve dice:
did u ever read about the shitt family tree?
loo dice:
i don't take compliments well though
loo dice:
noo
steve dice:
its hilarious
loo dice:
whattt?
steve dice:
hang on
loo dice:
ok
loo dice:
photography thing,,
loo dice:
= love
loo envía:

Abrir (Alt+P)
loo dice:
well photography=love
steve dice:
http://home.pacbell.net/diana_do/knowjack.htm
loo dice:
i have black lun diesease
loo dice:
or the bird flu
loo dice:
i'm not sure
loo dice:
ugh
loo dice:
my speakers aren;t wrking
steve dice:
darn
loo dice:
wait i am a complete idiot
loo dice:
they were turned off
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
shit happens
Has recibido satisfactoriamente C:\Mis documentos\Mis archivos recibidos\i_want_it_all.jpg de loo.

steve dice:
or should i say shitt happens
steve dice:
ull crack up from that link i sent i bet!
loo dice:
noe-schitt-sherlock
loo dice:
i am
steve dice:
is that u in the chair in the pic??
loo dice:
no
loo dice:
this is hilarious
loo dice:
my face hurts from laughing
steve dice:
k i just saw the writing so figured it wasnt but yeah...
loo dice:
seriously
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
no thats my straight friend
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
oh i thought u found it on the net
loo dice:
no
loo dice:
i took it
loo dice:
and manipulated it and what not
loo dice:
photoshop
loo dice:
the words in
steve dice:
oh so ur one of those whiz kids
loo dice:
not even close
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
whiz kids
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
how about i call u glue
steve dice:
know why?
loo dice:
bc you are rubber and i am glue and whatever i say to you bounces off and stucks back to me
loo dice:
right?
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
no cuz i was thinking of gg and loo
loo dice:
oh
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
yeah I'm kinda dumb
steve dice:
nah ur not. but if u keep saying that ill think uhave low self esteem
steve dice:
do u think u do?
steve dice:
or how do u feel abouturself really?
loo dice:
i feel kinda dumb. or that I don't "apply myself" so I seem dumb
loo dice:
idk
loo dice:
whatever
loo dice:
i don't like that topic
steve dice:
ok
loo dice:
can I ask you something
loo dice:
and/or tell you about something?
steve dice:
sure
steve dice:
sure again
loo dice:
with no judgement
loo dice:
and no awkwardness
loo dice:
bc no one knows

edited out...

idk i think about it everyday
loo dice:
and wonder if i am just blwoing it out of proportion
steve dice:
when was it
loo dice:
a couple months ago
steve dice:
well id say if ur thinking about it then it left an impact
steve dice:
it definitely doesnt sound good
loo dice:
but idk why its such a big deal
loo dice:
i hate that word
loo dice:
but I am kinda skiddish now
loo dice:
with guys
loo dice:
idk
loo dice:
maybe thats why i liek gay people so much.
loo dice:
seriously.
steve dice:
ah
steve dice:
yeah i mean
steve dice:
thats very understandable
loo dice:
i thought it wouldhelp saying that
loo dice:
but now i just feel mehh
loo dice:
idk all shitty again
steve dice:
well its a bad memory
loo dice:
but do oyu think i am just blowing it out of proportoion? like its not a big deal
loo dice:
and i am wasting to much thought on it
steve dice:
no i wouldnt say that at all
loo dice:
ugh,
loo dice:
idk man,
loo dice:
life sucks.
loo dice:
basically
loo dice:
have you ever tried to kill yourself?
loo dice:
sorry for making this all depressing again. i was cheering you up i think, and now i hope i am not bringing you down.
steve dice:
no just thht about it
steve dice:
u?
steve dice:
and its ok
loo dice:
yeah i have
loo dice:
a few times
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
hug
steve dice:
when was the last time
loo dice:
you're a good person
loo dice:
the last time?
loo dice:
hmm. like a couple weeks ago
steve dice:
wow
steve dice:
what did u do
loo dice:
i tried to OD once again
loo dice:
and i failed
loo dice:
and got REALLY sick
loo dice:
but my mom was out of town
loo dice:
so no one found out
loo dice:
thank goodness
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
hug
loo dice:
i was going to try again tonight
loo dice:
i really was
steve dice:
wow
steve dice:
its better to read about the shitt family dont u think?
loo dice:
maybe. for the moment.
loo dice:
it's good to laugh
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
but it just never lasts
loo dice:
hug
steve dice:
yeah but im almost crying now
loo dice:
i'm sorry
steve dice:
its ok
loo dice:
really sorry
loo dice:
i am crying
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
please don;t cry.
loo dice:
big hug
steve dice:
thanks
steve dice:
ur sweet
loo dice:
mhm
loo dice:
thanks. you are quite possibly the sweetest person I have ever spoken to
steve dice:
aw
loo dice:
i'm serious
steve dice:
thanks
steve dice:
but then again ur from georgia
loo dice:
no one has ever taken the time to just sit and listen and make me laugh.
steve dice:
im not sure if ur gonna getthis line but my pc is weird again..
steve dice:
and i think they age closing here soon!
loo dice:
ok
loo dice:
well i got it
loo dice:
and it means more than you know
loo dice:
hope we talk again ssoon
steve dice:
ok now it seems normal
steve dice:
ok me too
steve dice:
hang in there.
steve dice:
big hug. twice as big as the one u sentme!
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
not possible
loo dice:
HUGE HUG
loo dice:
<3 gloo
steve dice:
ok good night gloo
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
lol
steve dice:
bye bye
loo dice:

loo dice:
reall smile
steve dice:
plea hang i
steve dice:
THIS IS FUCKED AGAIN
steve dice:
oops
steve dice:
all caps
steve dice:
damn
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
im seing like five of ever line
steve dice:
my pc is on drugs
loo dice:
yeah
loo dice:
bc I see it normally
loo dice:
digital crack
steve dice:
i think u did something
steve dice:
or there isnt enough ram memory on this old pos computer
loo dice:
haha my gay friend calls myspace digital crack
loo dice:
i'm form GA
steve dice:
do u know pos?
steve dice:
piece of ... mierda ha ha
loo dice:
no one knows how to do stuff like that to computers
steve dice:
see u canlearn spanish when u talk to me
steve dice:
hola como te llamas
steve dice:
me llamo steve
steve dice:
ja ja
steve dice:
thats how they laugh
steve dice:
r u there??
loo dice:
yeahh
loo dice:
i just read llamas
loo dice:
and thought about actual lamas
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
ok i need to go dear
steve dice:
it is getting dark in here
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
they are turning out all the lights
loo dice:
well sleep weel
steve dice:
do u think that means something?
loo dice:
weel
loo dice:
GAH
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
its ok ur from georgia
steve dice:
so ur probably valdictorian
loo dice:
well
loo dice:
yeah. it means get your ass out of there.
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
lol
steve dice:
hug
loo dice:
haha.
loo dice:
BUG HUG,
loo dice:
talk soon?
steve dice:
lmao
steve dice:
bug hug?
loo dice:
you have to promise
loo dice:
GAH
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
BIG HUG
steve dice:
u R on drugs
loo dice:
oh no
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
its ok i lied when i said i dont do drugs. i actually do them all the time
steve dice:
joke
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
niiiiiice
steve dice:
dont get nervous
loo dice:
nahh
loo dice:
you're coool
steve dice:
ok my bug hugging friend
loo dice:
yep
steve dice:
hug some bugs for me tomorrow and some trees
steve dice:
and ill kiss some butterflies
steve dice:
well be naturelovers
loo dice:
but seriously we'll talk soon right?
steve dice:
but before i go
steve dice:
read about this site
loo dice:
dude i already am seriously
steve dice:
hostel in the forest
loo dice:
i am vegetarian and everything
steve dice:
ever heard of it?
loo dice:
nope
steve dice:
check it out
steve dice:
its cool and its in georgia of all fucking places!
loo dice:
ok
loo dice:
but you still haven't promised
steve dice:
promise what?
steve dice:
and i dont usually promise. but what?
loo dice:
to make sure we talk again
steve dice:
oh ok
steve dice:
well thats easy enough
loo dice:
and i don't promise either
steve dice:
ok i promise unless i get killed
loo dice:
and promise-breakers SUCk
loo dice:
well you better now
loo dice:
OHH
steve dice:
which isnt likely in this quiet town
loo dice:
you better NOT
loo dice:
ok
steve dice:
k
loo dice:
well get out of wherever you are
steve dice:
good night dear
loo dice:
before they get pissed
loo dice:
night
steve dice:
yeah lol
steve dice:
bug hug
loo dice:
bug hug
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
to the 2
steve dice:
bye
steve dice:
xxoo
loo dice:
xoxoxoxoxo
loo dice:
go go
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
k bye xxxxxxxxxx 0000
loo dice:
hahaa
steve dice:
smile when u lay in bed tonight.
loo dice:
you are seriously making me laugh
loo dice:
i will
loo dice:
about schitt
steve dice:
ok lol
steve dice:
night gloo from georgia
loo dice:
oh wait hostel forest?
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
idk
steve dice:
hostel in the forest
steve dice:
put it in quotes
loo dice:
sleep well schitt head
steve dice:
lol
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
jk
steve dice:
i love u too
loo dice:
<3
loo dice:
haha
steve dice:
blows u a kiss good night
loo dice:

steve dice:
aw how cute
steve dice:
thanks bye!
loo dice:
haha
loo dice:
xoxo
loo dice:
<3