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S. Hein - Mar 2012


The other day I was feeling very destructive and full of hate. I thought about what it was that I hated and whether hate was a useful emotion. I concluded two things.

1. I hate what they did to my brain. - More

2. Hate is like anger - a form of energy. It can be used productively to improve things in society.

Later I came online and did some searches. Here is what I found:

I hate what they did to me - about 14,400 results

"I don't hate myself" - about 16,000,000 results

"I hate myself" - about 6,000,000 results - More

"I hate what they did to my brain" 2 results

Here are other links

I_Don't _Hate_Myself - Writing by a teen

I learned something today. I don't hate my life or myself. I don't hate where I am. I don't hate the world or god or any of that. I hate the people who have been in and out of my life. I hate the people who put me down and make me think I hate myself. I hate the people who make me feel the only way to escape is death.



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I hate what they did to my brain...

What this means is the people that punished me, controlled me, didn't understand me, abused me, lectured me, invalidated me, didn't listen to me, frightened me, intimidated me. There were too many people to list them or even remember them all. They included nearly everyone around me when I was growing up it seems. Teachers, parents, police, family, neighbords, classmates.

Pretty much the entire American system was bad for my brain so everyone a part of it damaged me to some degree I suppose. But not just the American system. It is the Christian, the Jewish, the Muslim system. All the so called Abrahamic religions which believe in punishment and hurting and killing people and forcing their ideas on others. And the British culture which influenced America. So very dysfunctional.

I have had so many problems in my life. Mostly relationship problems. I am so insecure. So afraid of abandonment for example. So afraid to express my needs when I am scared or stressed. I learned I can not depend on people to help me. All of this damaged my brain. I don't believe for one second that my brain was damaged genetically or something when I was born. No, instead I believe with a firm conviction my brain was damaged by the people around me for most of my life in the USA. So I hate the system that created the people who are a part of the system and I will keep using my hatred of it to try to change it and destroy it and replace it with something more healthy for the world.

S. Hein
Mar 1, 2012
Cameron Highlands, Malaysia


My belief system

I hate myself

This is one of the saddest things I have seen happen to teenagers. Parents cause the teens to hate themselves. How they do this is well documented now throughout this website.

So instead of trying to use their feelings of hatred to change the system which has damaged them, the teens nearly destroy, and sometimes totally destroy, themselves.