i spent the last 8 hours or so with these parents
and their fifteen year old.
they almost never gave her a chance to
speak. and when she did they interrupted her more
times than not. a lot of the times when she
started to say something they just talked over
her and she gave up.
i am surprised she didnt get frustrated and just
walk out. i dont know if she was really aware of
how many times they cut her off.
it was like so often when i talk to parents. they
act as if their teen is not even present.
after talking to, or rather listening to, the
father i see almost no chance of my ideas being
supported in this town.
this family had lived in the usa so we spoke in
english the whole time. so i understood every
word. unlike with peruvian fathers who i only
understood about 80 percent, but that was plenty
to depress me.
the daughter asked him to explain why she couldnt
go to so and so place and he gave this long
evasive answer using one analogy after another
like about flowers not being able to grow in the
she kept saying, "papa listen to me"
but he just kept talking
he would say "nathalie", in this
condescending tone - without even looking at her.
basically it was like everything she said had no
effect on him cuz he had already made up his
he tried to control his older daughter when she
was 15 to 18 and was dating an older guy. the guy
was 19 when she was 15. and he was smoking pot.
so the father tried to stop it. but she kept
18 she moved in with him and stopped talking to
the father for one year.
so i would say it is pretty fucking obvious that
his strategy of being a controlling father didnt
work. yet he seems to think it will work on the
fifteen year old now. she was obviously resentful
of how she is treated. she is mature enough to
live on her own.
she gave me much more intelligent answers to my
questions (when the
parents actually let her answer) than they did.
the father sounded like a tape recorder.
he just talked and talked and talked and she lost
interest time and time again and started watching
tv. i kept trying to get her back in the
conversation and then her father would take over
again and start a new monologue.
it was almost like it was some kind of a play of
a dysfunctional family. it was so far from what i
write about. it seemed almost unreal, seriously.
like she was living in the wrong place. with two
people from another planet.
she spoke up time and time again but finally got
worn out and just watched tv.
i cant write about this in my journal cuz they
could read it.
i wish the laws would let her leave at 15.
im more and more convinced teens should be able
to leave at 15 max. if not 14.
the parents should fund them till they are 18,
thats fine with me. but not be able to say
"as long as u live in my house u follow my
rules." he pulled that one on her once. i am
sure she has heard it before.
he said when ur 18 u can do what u want.
this is how
parents abuse the legal power given to them.
so his older daughter moved out as soon as she
legally could. and then didnt talk to him for a
but do u think he said "maybe i didnt handle
things in the best way"?
no. instead he
said now she is 27 and she says she should have
listened to him cuz she ended up breaking up with
the guy after five years and thinks she wasted
those years. according to him anyhow, i havent
heard her side of the story directly.
so he thinks he is right. but the daughter doesnt
realize if he would have treated her with more
respect when she was 12 - 15 she wouldnt have
started dating a guy who does drugs and if she
did she would have kept talking to him when she
did move out.
so he had no influence on her from 15 -19 lets
say. except a negative influence while she lived
at home cuz he said himself from 16 to 18 it was
so i am sure they were fighting all the time.
that didnt need to happen. and what good did it
do? she moved out anyhow.
he created the whole situation. and wasnt there
for her when she needed him. he said it was
financially tough for her but she didnt want to
ask for help from him, and understandably so.
over and over the 15 year old today kept starting
sentences and one or both of them talked over
her. i dont mean just 5 times or even 10 it was
like 20 or 30.
sometimes she would sit there and tap her foot
while they talked. sometimes she would argue with
something they said and they would usually just
ignore it and keep talking.
i could see how much she resented it. but they
couldnt. it was like they were both blind and
most of the time though they werent looking at
her so it wouldnt have mattered if they were
blind or not.
then later she was talking to the mother and i
couldnt hear everything but i could hear her
saying "pero mama...." (but mother...)
and the mother would cut her off, sometimes
actually laughing at her like "how
silly!" or "how cute!" as if a
toddler was trying to walk and kept falling down.
i wish so much i would have had a video.
i would title it "why teens hate
and subtitle it "Why the laws need to be
she was already so bitter that she will destroy
any and all relationships she gets into. i can
pretty much guarantee it.
so i had to write that and get it out and
i wish i could post it but i cant.
this town is too
but i will one day.